


Rolling Up On An Ocean

by vinoharry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drinking, M/M, Separation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-29
Updated: 2016-02-29
Packaged: 2018-05-23 21:08:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 58,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6130129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vinoharry/pseuds/vinoharry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>“I wanted to talk to you.”</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Harry seems completely nonplused as he turns his back and walks to the kitchen. He used to be well versed in reading Liam’s body; the tremor in his hands, the hesitation in his speech. “Okay.”</em>
  <br/>
  <em>“We should separate,” Liam starts. </em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rolling Up On An Ocean

Liam’s hands are shaking and the back of his neck is covered in sweat as the moon hangs high in the sky. The stars are concealed by the London lights; the clouds always seem thicker in September. It’s well past suppertime, well past the cigarette and nightcap that Liam usually has on the small balcony in their bedroom. He’s tired and his muscles hurt from his workout this morning and the sparring match he had with one of his senior students. He usually doesn’t spar on Wednesdays, but the anxious energy has been humming through him since he woke up.

The front door snicking shut sends Liam’s heart racing to the point that taking a step toward the door feels like a walk to the electric chair.

Schnapps’ paws click against the hardwood as he careens towards Harry. He can hear Harry greeting their pup affectionately.

“What are you doing awake?” Harry asks. He’s shimmying out of his coat – the camel coloured one Liam got for him last Christmas that goes halfway down his thighs and fits him like a glove. The shirt he’s got underneath is expensive and floral, his cologne faded, and hair askew. The necklaces layered on his chest gleam against the tanned skin he’s exposing from the lack of done-up buttons.

“I’m waiting for you.” Liam feels severely underdressed in the pajama bottoms he’s got on and the loose “Payne’s Training” vest top. He can’t remember the last time they went out together and Harry was dressed so immaculately. Maybe it was their anniversary in July. They both wore jeans and simple shirts to Liam’s birthday dinner before kissing with wine-stained lips and touching like it was an expectation.

“Oh.” Harry toes out of his boots and squeezes the phone in his hand. “I told you, you don’t have to keep doing this.” He punctuates it with a dry kiss to Liam’s cheek.

“That’s actually – I wanted to talk to you.”

Harry seems completely nonplused as he turns his back and walks to the kitchen. He used to be well versed in reading Liam’s body; the tremor in his hands, the hesitation in his speech. “Okay.”

“We should separate,” Liam starts. He had Googled ‘how to ask for a separation’ for nearly an hour. It advised to speak with assertion, not to place blame, and to remain as calm as possible. Liam stared at himself in the mirror and stuttered over his words, rehearsing them over and over until he felt like he could do this. It’s the same way he came out.

Harry freezes, one hand carefully coming up to grip the doorway. “What?”

“Separate,” Liam repeats because his mind is going a mile a minute and Schnapps is sniffing at Liam’s knee. Liam’s glad that he has to say it to Harry’s back instead of his face; it makes it easier not to look in his eyes and watch with uncertainty if Harry will be relieved or upset is too much for Liam to bear.

“We – where is this coming from?” Harry finally turns around then, phone gripped in his palm. His eyebrows are drawn in, lips pursed. He’s so devastatingly beautiful that, for a moment, Liam thinks about how they’ve been in this position a million times – Harry against a doorframe and Liam approaching him – but the context is different and it won’t end in giggles and hushed breaths.

“I’m lonely-”

“I’m right here.”

Liam shakes his head. “Not like that. Y-” _Don’t place blame, ensure that your partner knows that they are not at fault and that it is something you have to work through together_. The words rattle around Liam’s head as he stares at Harry. “I’m not happy anymore.”

“Not – Liam, of course you are.”

“I’m not Harry. We’re not – we’re not happy, either of us.”

“I’m happy.”

“Obviously,” Liam huffs.

Harry folds his arms over his chest. Liam stares at his wonky toes. He’s got chipped polish on them from when they had last watched Lux and let her paint their toes together.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just… You’re out and I’m here. You’re always out with your friends and the team and you come home late and I’m here.”

Harry opens his mouth to say something, but shuts it quickly. He won’t look at Liam, but Liam can see the bob of Harry swallowing.

“I can’t remember the last time we ate a meal together. I make supper after work and then wait ages for you to come home and most of the time you’ve ate at the pub.”

“It’s work.”

“It’s not. You’re the physiotherapist Harry, you’re not the coach.”

“I’m sorry I don’t own my own gym, Liam. I can’t make my own hours.”

Liam rolls his eyes. He hates arguing with Harry. It’s never easy and more times than not, it leads to Harry being too defensive to listen to anything Liam says. “I’m not saying you have to. How many times have you gone to the pub instead of coming home for dinner? When was the last time you saw Louis and Meg? I bet you don’t even know who’s on the judging panel for X Factor.”

Harry swallows again and doesn’t answer.

“I don’t want to have a fight I just… I just think we need some space to cool off-”

“I’m cool Liam. Cool as a fucking cucumber.”

“Don’t do that Haz-”

“I’m not doing anything!” Harry throws his arms up in the air and it jostles the necklaces against his bare chest. “You’re the one who wants a divorce.”

“It’s a separation-”

“It’s the same bloody thing.” Harry bites his bottom lip and his eyebrows wobble. He looks impossibly young and it reminds Liam of stolen kisses under the florescent library lights and celebratory hugs after a rugby game. It reminds Liam of strobe lights in a club with his hands on Harry’s hips and road trips up north to visit their families for the first time.

“I need space.”

“I don’t know what that means,” Harry whispers. His eyes drop back to the floor and stares at Schnapps, now curled up by Liam’s feet. Liam wishes he had a smoke, a drink, anything to break the awkwardness of the situation.

“What’s going to happen to Schnapps and Widow?”

“I was thinking of staying with me mum for a bit. I was gonna take Schnapps.”

“You’re going back to Wolverhampton and you’re taking our dog?”

“Just for a bit,” Liam shrugs.

“This is his home, Li. You can’t just take him out of his surroundings. And Widow will get lonely.”

“She’s a cat. She’s low maintenance so if you go out for the night then you don’t have to worry about taking Schnapps for a walk.”

“Don’t make him sound like a burden.”

“I’m not. It’s the most logical solution.”

“Logical.” Harry scoffs. “How is going back to Wolverhampton supposed to be logical? How is leaving me supposed to make anything better? Who’s going to look after the gym?”

“I need space Haz. We’re not going anywhere and I can’t – I just need space.”

“Fine. Fine, then I’m going to stay at Xander’s. Text me when you’ve left.”

“Harry, don’t be like this.”

Harry falters in his stride towards the door, which also happens to be toward Liam.

“I’m not being like anything Liam. You don’t want me? Well here, I’m leaving.”

“Harry – let’s talk about this. I’m not-” Liam stops at a loss for words with the careful look Harry gives him.

Harry stares at Liam, really stares at him before opening then closing his mouth, “Fine, but I’m going to change. Put the kettle on.”

\---

It’s more nerve-wracking now that he’s said it than Liam thought it would be.

It’s not liberating like he had expected because a ball of dread sits in his stomach. He’s only confided in Louis about how he’s recently felt about his marriage and in all of their discussions, they never talked about what comes after Liam says it. The terror of saying it aloud had preoccupied most of Liam’s predictions of how this would go.

With two steaming cups of tea, one green, one breakfast with three heaps of sugar and a load of milk, Harry finally joins Liam at the table. Liam can’t look at him, though he supposes he should. It’s just – they’re Liam and Harry, they’ve gone through so much crap with their courses and their families and financial struggles.

Harry had been gone for over fifteen minutes and Liam’s already drank through a cup of tea. He taps his fingers against the table; some mindless tune that’s been stuck in his head since he left the gym this morning.

“So,” Harry starts. Harry’s eyes are red and it’s clear he’s been crying. There’s still a pull in Liam’s stomach to curl his arm around Harry and hold him, but he tampers it by reaching for his cuppa. “You want a separation?”

Liam nods around the lump in his throat.

“What do you want? What are you trying to get out of it?”

“Time. I don’t know. I’m so sad, Harry.”

“Running away isn’t going to make you happy.”

“I can’t stay here.”

“We can talk about it, Li. Please. I can take time off work, I’ll-”

“You won’t!” Liam yells, causing Schnapps to lift his head from where it’s resting on his paws. “I know you won’t.”

Fresh tears spring to Harry’s eyes and he turns his cheek to wipe them away. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t-” Liam thinks better of it. He’s to be assertive, self-assured, and lead the discussion to where he wants it. That’s what it had said online. “I’m going to go back to Wolverhampton for a while, leave the gym to Paddy and Josh while I’m gone and then just… sort my head out.”

“What about me?” Harry fiddles with his wedding ring. It’s a beautiful ring, with Nevada silk stone that Liam paid an arm and a leg to get shipped to the UK when he found it online. Harry had proposed first, but that didn’t stop Liam from buying him a ring of his own. Harry cried as soon as Liam had brought it out and had stood paralyzed with his eyes fixated on the ring while Liam stuttered through his proposal. It was a sure thing, of course, but Harry always told people that story instead of the first one.

“Do you still love me?”

“Yes,” Liam answers without hesitation. “Which is why I think it would be good for us to have some space. I don’t want a divorce, but I think-” Louis’ snarky ‘ _he takes you for granted Li. You’re the perfect housewife and he walks all over you_ ’ plays in his ear. “We’re not who we were when we got married. We’re not who we were a year ago.”

“I don’t want you to go.” Liam nods and tries not to think about the suitcase he has packed in the bedroom. Surely Harry noticed that when he was up there changing into what is, very obviously, Liam’s pajama bottoms and top. “Can I still talk to you? Can we – don’t go to Wolverhampton.”

It’s a horrible realization, Liam thinks, that this is the first real conversation they’ve had in ages. It’s the first time that Harry’s sat across from him and talked to him about something that matters, something other than frivolous conversation that leads to empty silences. It hurts to think that it took Liam wanting to leave in order for Harry to pay him any mind.

“We’ll talk alright? We’ll text and you can call me if you want-”

“Of course I want,” Harry says sadly, defensive again. “You’re my husband, Li.”

Liam picks at the table. It’s dark brown and the stain is chipping from when Liam and Harry tried to fix it up after they found it in a charity shop when they first moved it. Liam remembers purchasing everything in this room. He remembers when it was bought and a rough estimate of how much it cost. He remembers carrying the chairs up the stairs with Harry and he remembers staying up late to pick out a proper refrigerator.

“Where are you staying?”

“With Ruth.” Liam sees Harry nod, blowing out a nervous breath.

“When are you coming back?”

“There’s a competition a few weeks before Christmas that I’ve got to go to.”

Harry sniffs and scratches at his nose. “So you’re not coming to the team’s Halloween party?”

“You never told me about your team’s Halloween party,” Liam says. “We’ve barely seen each other since Sunday. This is what I’m talking about Harry. We’re not even on the same frequency anymore.”

“We saw each other this morning.”

“We slept in the same bed, we didn’t-” Liam runs his knuckles against the tops of his thighs. “We’re not a couple anymore, Harry. We’re roommates. We don’t kiss or fuck or talk to each other. We’re too young to be this miserable.”

Liam thinks about when Meg was born and Louis and Briana had tried to make a proper go of things. Louis was wretchedly unhappy. He sucked it up for the first couple months of Meg’s life and then they went their separate ways and drew up a custody agreement wherein Louis gets her three days a week and on some special occasions.

They’re pleasant to each other now. They’ve gotten over it enough so they can do combined birthdays and their parents get on, though Liam’s always thought that Louis resents how they were unable to make it work.

“Fine,” Harry says, and then tears are falling down his cheeks and he’s reaching for his tea. “Just promise me that we’re not over.”

\---

It takes three days of Liam sleeping in Meg’s “Big Girl Bed” until he arranges to go back to his hometown.

He can’t very well catch the train with Schnapps, so Louis gives him a ride up north and he tries not to think about what Harry might be doing. He doesn’t dare mention Harry’s name in front of Louis, who has been seething in the driver’s seat the entire ride. Liam’s already asked him to quiet down more times than he can count and it’s only been an hour. 

“It’s not fair Li. You’re – I told you, you could stay with me.”

“Nah,” Liam sighs. Schnapps makes a sad sound from the backseat. The golden retriever’s lying down on the backseat with his head resting on his paws. He looks every bit as sad as Liam feels. “I’m gonna help Ruth prepare for the baby. Get everything sorted before the baby comes.”

“How long until she gives birth?”

“Six weeks.”

Louis scoffs under his breath. It’s a sensitive subject, Ruth’s pregnancy. When Liam had found out that his sister was expecting a baby he was overjoyed, but three months into it her boyfriend had gone off to Galloway leaving Liam’s family to pick up the pieces.

“What kind of fucker doesn’t want to be a part of a child’s life anyway?” Louis doesn’t wait for a response before he answers, “A dickhead, that’s who.”

Liam nods and checks his cellphone for any sign of a message. He’s got one from his dad telling him that he can borrow his car for his stay and one from Nicola inviting him round for supper the next night.

He knows he should give Louis more conversation to run with, but he can’t be arsed. He knows that fatherhood and unplanned pregnancies is a hot-button issue with Louis and it’s not something he would like to engage in at the moment. He held Louis’ hand when he found out he was going to be a father, but Louis pushed both him and Harry away when Meg came kicking and screaming into the world as Louis was determined to prove that he could co-parent a child.

Louis has been fiercely determined ever since to be there for every aspect of Meg’s life and he’s done a bang-up job of it for the past six years. The fact that Louis gave up two of his allotted days with Meg in order to take care of Liam’s poor, hungover arse to listen to him whine and cry about his marriage means more to Liam than he could articulate.

The weather is perfect for driving and perfect for sulking. Grey and overcast, the roads are clear and the music quiet as Liam tries not to think about all he’s leaving behind in London. At least he’s got Schnapps.

“Thanks for driving me,” Liam says when the silence becomes too deafening.

“Of course.” Louis shifts in his seat, tightening his hands on the steering wheel. “I can’t believe you’re actually leaving.”

“We’ll talk every day.”

“Obviously,” Louis says defensively. “I meant the gym.”

“It is sick, isn’t it?” Liam asks giddy. The renovations were a pretty penny that will take at least half a year of memberships and promotions to pay off. Liam had to take a loan out, but the redone floors and the changing room look amazing. He had been at the gym every day to ensure that everything was up to his standards.

“Yeah, yeah. Meg’s excited now that I’ve told her she can start next fall.”

“I’m getting her gloves.”

“Of course you are.” Louis reaches over and ruffles Liam’s hair. “Bloody sap.”

Liam smiles and changes the radio station. It plays something slow and heartbreaking; Liam can sympathize.

“You’ll have to come back for Meg’s birthday though.”

Liam scratches at the eagle he’s got tattooed onto the top of his hand. He remembers how nervous he had been to get it and how Harry had driven him to the parlour, held his hand while Liam squirmed in the seat, and then kissed him hard in the car. Liam shakes the thought off.

“That’s in June, Lou.”

“Don’t know how long you’ll be gone now, do I?”

“Not that long,” Liam mumbles. And then, because he can feel the eye roll Louis exaggerates, he adds, “Hopefully.”

Louis sighs and grips Liam’s hand. It’s clammy, but he still gives it the same reassuring squeeze that he gave Liam when he went to his first campus pride meeting. They were an unlikely friendship forced into close quarters when they were assigned to live in the same flat on campus. They shared it with two other boys who Liam can’t for the life of him remember what they studied. Louis had been protective of Liam after the first few awkward weeks and they’ve remained close and defensive of each other ever since.

“Hey Payno,” Louis says quietly, just as they’re taking exit 10 off the M6, “You’ll sort this out, alright? I know you can.”

Schnapps whines again, deep in his throat. Liam turns around and sees Schnapps big, brown eyes staring at him and it’s like he knows how close Liam is to crumbling. “Thanks Tommo.”

\---

Ruth’s place smells like lavender and honey when Liam wheels his suitcase through the door. Schnapps sniffs around the tiled floor as Liam hugs his sister tightly, careful of the bump between them.

“How’re you?” She asks, rubbing her hand along Liam’s spine.

“Fine,” Liam mumbles, but it’s overtaken by Louis’ loud, “He had chilli chips in the car so he might get a little gassy.”

Ruth rolls her eyes, blushing in the way Liam’s mother does whenever she’s in Louis’ presence.

“Look gorgeous,” Louis compliments. Ruth bats him away to scrub at the top of Schnapps’ head. “Where can I put Liam’s stuff?”

Ruth frowns, glancing around the flat. Her washroom door is to the left and her bedroom just beside that. The sofa bed looks as inviting as Ruth had promised it would be – already set up with a duvet and pillows. There’s a small dresser pushed into the corner that looks like it cost about 50p.

“You didn’t bring all y’stuff, did you?”

Liam shakes his head. There are photo albums and guitars, shirts and shoes, Liam’s childhood stuffed bear that he forgot to bring all stuck in the house he has with Harry. He doesn’t want to think about the Adidas hoodie he forgot on his desk chair or his favourite brand of bread bought from the organic bakery Harry insists on going to sitting in the cupboard.

“You stayin’ for tea, Louis?”

“Nah, better not. Do need a wee before I go home though.”

Ruth gives Liam another long hug before scratching her nails through his lack of hair. “Shaved your head again, did ya?”

“Yeah,” Liam huffs. He can see the sadness in Ruth’s eyes; the pity. The last time he’d shaved his head was when things ended with Sophia eight years ago. He doesn’t think about how old habits die hard.

“You’ll get there,” Ruth smiles crookedly. “S’not like you’ll never see him again. Just a couple weeks, right?”

Liam nods. His fingers twitch for a cigarette, anything to smother the anxiety bubbling up his esophagus. He stares at Ruth’s baby bump then around the room. The living room is small with the bed pulled out and the tiny coffee table pushed tight against the television. The television isn’t very big, but it fills up space and Liam looks forward to movie nights with his sister and cooking dinner for her when she comes home from work.

“Alright Payno, I’m heading out,” Louis announces loudly. He’s wiping his hands on his hoodie.

They embrace in a long hug. The lump in Liam’s throat grows larger, thicker. “Thanks for everything, Tommo. I mean it.”

“Don’t be a soppy git.” Louis squeezes him tighter, laughs brightly in his ear though Liam can hear the shake in it.

Louis hugs Ruth next, standing off to the side and a bit closer to the front door. He whispers something to her that Liam can’t quite hear.

Louis makes a big show of putting his sneakers back on, dramatic as anything.

“I know you won’t be doing any fun shit without me, but do please try to call less than twice a day.”

Liam rolls his eyes, but can’t contain the sad little hiccup he lets out.

“Oh for Christ’s sake,” Louis laughs again, this time joined by Liam. “I’ll miss you Payno. I’ll bring Megs up here in a couple of weeks alright? Before the baby comes.”

“Yeah,” Liam agrees. He glances at Schnapps, already asleep on the floor. “Yeah that’d be good. Show her that Wolverhampton’s better than Donny.”

“Like shit it is,” Louis teases. He pinches Liam’s nipple before fleeing with a slammed door.

Like in the aftermath of a tornado, Liam feels frazzled. He looks around at the suitcase, the two boxes, his laptop bag, dog, and pregnant sister; before crumpling into a ball.

\---

It takes Liam a quick jog around the neighbourhood and three cigarettes until he’s calm enough to go back to Ruth’s. He tries to think of it as his new home, but it leaves a sour taste in his mouth. His lungs feel raw and heavy and his calves feel like they’re on fire.

“Oh my God, you stink,” Ruth greets. She shuttles Liam to the loo and shuts the door behind him.

Liam takes his time showering.

He feels foreign, displaced.

The shampoo doesn’t smell like coconut and the bar of soap doesn’t lather in the right way. The towels are too stiff and they’re missing his and Harry’s embroidered initials. The shower isn’t quite tall enough to properly wash the top of his head. He wants to sleep and drink and not go to his parent’s house for an interrogative dinner.

He dresses into smart clothes in the bathroom; dark blue jeans and a button up that Harry had gotten him a few months ago. It still smells like their house, their drawers, and their sheets. It has that lingering scent of Harry’s beach candles.

Liam mindlessly scrolls through his Facebook and Instagram after he dresses. He had expected it to be blown up with notifications. He had expected Harry to delete every picture that there was of them on social media and make vague Tweets about his heartbreak. He had expected Harry to tell his sister and his mum, along with their closest friends to unfollow him on everything.

But that’s not Harry, Liam knows. Harry isn’t the type to air their dirty laundry on social media. He’s always posted vague or grainy photographs of them together on his black and white Instagram. His profile picture on Facebook has remained the same since he posted the picture of the two of them with Schnapps and Widow a year ago. He remembers when they had their first argument during their first winter holidays as a couple. Liam had scoured every inch of Harry’s social medias before realizing that everything he Tweeted were song lyrics and every picture posted was artfully composed randomness.

Ruth bangs on the door, three solid pounds that startle Liam out of his thoughts. His hands hurt from how hard he’s been gripping the basin.

\---

Liam’s childhood home reminds him of warm apple pies and cherry cobblers. It reminds him of wrestling with his dad and fending off Nic and Roo when they tried to do his hair. It’s where he’d help his mum with the washing up after dinner and sat with his family for relentless hours watching Doctor Who. He spent his gap year sitting on the sofa in his pants teaching footie on the weekends and aiding his old boxing gym in classes during the weeknights. He fixed up a car with his dad when he was thirteen and broke his arm jumping from sofa to sofa when he was four. He brought Sophia here after their second date in year eleven and it’s where he told his family they broke up in his first year of university. His life is woven into so many aspects of this old brick house that stepping back into it after so many months away makes his breath stop and his heart slow.

His mother greets him with enthusiasm, tears wetting her cherub cheeks as she squeals. His dad pats him on the back while he’s still being squeezed by Karen, her sobs loud and open. Liam had seen her a fair few months ago, but he doesn’t reckon he deserves this sort of welcome.

Ruth goes to use the loo while Karen busies herself with fixing up tea. There’s a pie in the oven that smells like herbs and beef; the buttery, flaky pastry wafts through the air until Liam’s slumping into a rickety kitchen chair. There’s a small glass tumbler with whiskey placed in front of him and Liam sips it like the initiation his dad means it to be.

“So, how’ve you been?” His mum asks it bright and cheery as if her son hasn’t just separated from his husband and fled the scene.

“Karen,” Liam’s father starts. He’s got his own tumbler of whiskey out, fuller than Liam’s.

“M’just asking. S’not every day my baby boy comes home.”

Liam winces. It’s difficult not to with how positively delighted she sounds to have Liam home. He tries not to take it personally and remember that it’s Harry who his mother has a problem with and not him, but it’s hard when all Liam has known is HarryandLiam.

“The boy’s going through something, Karen. Show some sympathy.” Liam’s dad sips from his glass. Liam tries to do the same, but the liquor’s stronger than he’s used to. The morning paper is spread out on the table.

“He-”

“Mum, I need your help,” Ruth interrupts. She’s standing in the doorway with a hand cradling her stomach and an impatient look on her face. Liam knows it’s all for show and he’s grateful for it.

Liam’s mum sighs and puts down the cloth she’s holding. She hand the wooden spoon to Liam. “Stir that, love. Let me sort out your sister.”

Liam takes the distraction and starts stirring whatever stew she’s got on. It’s thick and beefy with big chunks of carrot and potato.

“How’s the gym?” Liam’s dad asks. It’s safe territory, Liam’s learned. His father asks about work and the dogs and hardly ever about his marriage.

“Great yeah. Kids are starting school so there are a ton of new sign-ups. Paddy and Josh are sorting it out but we’re entering them in some new competitions.”

“That’s good. Never had to worry about you with Paddy looking out for you.”

“Yeah,” Liam agrees. A fat bubble bursts when Liam stirs the stew. It smells heavenly and he’ll no doubt overindulge in it.

“Are the renovations done then?”

Liam nods, though he’s not certain Geoff has looked up from the paper. “Yeah they were done in mid-August. You should come down and see it sometime.”

Geoff waves his hand around and goes back to his paper. “You know how your mother feels about London.”

“Yeah,” Liam adds weakly. He doesn’t add how his mum liked London just fine when Liam was going to school there and not living with Harry. He turns the heat down and tries to think of more to say. “Oh, did I tell you about the new heavy bags we got? They’re 100lbs and solid. We’ve got three. Did I tell you about the water bottles too? Some manufacturers reached out about putting my logo on a water bottle for a discount and we can start selling them.”

“That’s great, son.”

Liam chews his thumbnail. “And we added three nights a week for women only so they can train without the fear of being watched or something.” When Geoff doesn’t respond, Liam barrels on. “That was Harry’s idea. He also said that we should have yoga in the mornings, but we haven’t actually talked about that since the renovations were drawn up in April.”

Liam runs his blunt nails over his beard. That was quite a while ago if he’s honest.

“Looks like you’ve been busy with the gym.”

“Y’know,” Liam shrugs. “Haven’t really been busy since they finished, though.”

“Your mum’s sure gonna enjoy having you around. Do you know how long you’re staying?”

Liam shakes his head. The collar of his shirt feels constricting in a manner that it hadn’t a second ago.

“Well, it’ll be good having you around.”

“Yeah,” Liam says again. He’s had this argument with Harry time and time again. How he feels like Liam’s parents don’t accept him, how Karen still talks about Sophia as if they’re going to get back together, how Liam shouldn’t have had to doubt whether or not his parents would come to their wedding.

Liam takes a deep breath. “Do you and mum fight?” Liam remembers growing up in a household filled to the brim with love. He remembers sneaking down the stairs when he’d have a nightmare to see his parents watching a movie with the volume on low, cuddled up on the sofa.

“Sometimes.”

“And how do you – how do you deal with that?”

“Talking. Or I let her talk and I just listen,” Liam’s dad shrugs like it’s as easy as that. He shrugs as if Liam’s not spent the last month trying to talk to Harry. But he’s a pushover, a trait he inherited from his father. He pretended that Harry would be home early enough for dinner the next night or that he wouldn’t be at a pub night the next weekend.

“My marriage is really bad dad, worse than I thought and-”

“Oh Liam,” Karen hushes, walking back into the room. Ruth’s tailing her, not looking nearly as urgent as she had before. “Let’s not talk about that right now, okay? We’re celebrating you coming home!” Karen kisses Liam’s cheek and takes the spoon from him.

\---

“Took you fucking long enough,” Liam barks as soon as Josh picks up the telephone.

Josh is panting when he finally answers, “Hi, sorry.”

“I called three times.”

“I was busy.”

“Busy with what?” When Josh doesn’t answer, Liam grows impatient. He’s got Netflix open and Schnapps snoozing by the kitchen chairs. The fold out bed is out and Liam sprawled on his back on it.

Josh sounds distracted when he answers, “Nothing we’re just fucking around.”

“Fucking a – Josh in case you haven’t noticed, Payne’s Training is a business.”

“What’s crawled up your arse?”

Liam considers hanging up, but he knows Josh is teasing him. They spent the last couple of years building the gym into what it is now and Liam knows that he can call him whenever he needs help.

“If I’m honest I don’t really know what to do with myself.”

“Paddy said you got a job at the school.” The music in the background gets louder to an EDM song Liam doesn’t recognize. Jas has probably gotten control of the sound system if it’s not playing Josh’s horrendous old school Fall Out Boy. “Teaching kids how to beat the shit out of each other.”

Liam can’t help but laugh as he closes the top of his laptop halfway. His screensaver’s started looping and it’s a compilation slideshow that Harry made for him. It’s loaded in pictures of them from when they started dating to around Christmas time. There are some adorable photos of Schnapps and Widow thrown in there as well.

“It’s secondary school boxing, you idiot; more for self-defence than anything.”

“You work too much. You should be, I don’t know… reading self-help books or something.”

“I don’t need help.” Liam reasons. “This’ll be good for me. It’ll keep me in shape.”

Josh snorts loudly. “You’re fucking ridiculous, man.”

“It’s new kids in a new location. It will help me with my authority and I don’t know. It will be good. I love boxing.”

“Yeah, yeah. Well don’t enjoy it too much, alright? We need you here.”

Ruth comes through the front door just as Liam replies, “Yeah. I’ll talk to you soon, alright?”

Ruth shuffles into the flat with far too many bags in her hands. Her stomach looks more protruding than it normally does.

“S’that Harry?” She asks, gratefully handing all the bags to Liam.

“Josh.”

“Oh, good lad. Think I remember him from the wedding.”

“He was there, yeah.” Liam sets the bags on the table. They’re all different shapes and colours due to the fact that they’re reusable. “I didn’t know you were grocery shopping. I would’ve come with.”

“Went after work,” Roo explains. “I had the worst indigestion all day. I went out on my lunch and bought a bunch of digestives.”

“S’it the baby?”

“Mhmm. Kept going to wee but I was actually just farting.”

“Roo, that’s gross!” Liam can’t help but laugh though. He’s always loved how brash and honest Ruth was. When they were kids they’d talk about bodily functions and bugs just to freak Nicola out. That was until Ruth became a teenager and was suddenly too cool to hang out with her dorky brother, opting for nail varnish and pink eyeshadow with their older sister.

“S’completely natural. A lot of women shit in the delivery room.”

“Oh my God, please shut up.”

They start unpacking together. There are fruits and veggies and far too many types of squash for Ruth to drink by herself. Liam isn’t properly accustomed to where everything goes, but he tries his best. He can reach the higher shelves that Ruth has difficulty with and flat out laughs when he sees that she’s got a step stool between the refrigerator and the counter.

“You excited to see Nic tonight?” Ruth asks. She flicks on the kettle and starts getting the tea out.

“Of course.”

Ruth fixes him with a knowing look.

“Don’t fancy a lecture, though.” Ruth laughs delightedly.

“I get a lecture every other flippin’ day. Swear she thinks she knows everything about babies. She says I’m gonna have a girl because of the shape of my head.”

“What does that even mean?”

Ruth shrugs and gets up to open a pack of hobnobs. “I haven’t seen Toby since his birthday.”

“He’s gotten so old. He’s like, an inch taller than a typical six year old should be.”

“Really? I haven’t seen him in ages.”

“Same amount of time since I saw Harry. When was that? May?” Liam hums and gets the sugar out of the cupboard. “Harry was wearing that awful lime coloured shirt and those white pants. I about died.” That was truly a horrendous outfit. The shirt was Gucci and Harry had been in love with it. “That Spanish kid’s mum was hitting on him, remember?”

“Yeah,” Liam laughs, relaxing into one of the chairs. Ruth’s got her feet up on the chair opposite her with a steaming cuppa in front of her. “They were sharing recipes and Harry hadn’t realized she was flirting until she wouldn’t stop texting him in the middle of the night.”

“Did she really? I never heard that.”

“Of course I told you!” Ruth throws her head back and laughs, grinning so hard Liam knows he’s not told her yet. “We’d be chilling and she’d message him like three times in a row talking about casseroles and stuffed chicken.”

“You’re kidding.” Ruth chuckles delighted. “I bet he kept answering too.”

“He had no idea. She added him on Facebook and must have seen his profile because after that she just stopped.”

“That’s fucking hilarious. I don’t know who I feel worse for.”

Liam grins into his tea. He really fucking misses his husband.

If Harry was here he would know all the right things to say and all the right ways to make Ruth comfortable. Liam’s been here a day and he already has no clue what to say when Ruth has indigestion.

“Hey,” Ruth interrupts, poking his shin with her cold toes. “Everything’ll be okay.”

“I know.” Liam gulps his tea. It’s the perfect temperature now. Liam waits for a couple of moments to pass before he admits, “I’m not really excited to see Nicola.”

Ruth snorts so hard tea dribbles out of her nose.

\---

Liam collapses into the park bench. Schnapps is panting happily at his feet, rolling onto his back in the dewy grass with a smile. It’s been far too long since Liam indulged in such a long run and he’s only about halfway through. He remembers this route like the back of his hand; mornings before school spent running around the neighbourhoods and waving to the men collecting the paper in their dressing gowns.

The techno music he was listening to cuts off abruptly as his phone rings. He unplugs his headphones and scrambles to answer it before the call goes to voicemail.

“Hey,” Liam greets, sitting straighter.

“Hey Li.” Harry sounds tired. His voice is deeper like he’s just woken up even though it’s a Monday. “Have you settled in?”

“Yeah,” Liam can’t remember the last time he struggled to make conversation. “I went to the grocery store yesterday, then for dinner at Nicola’s.”

“That’s nice. How’s Toby?”

Toby had been a firecracker of energy upon seeing his uncle. He raced around the house showing Liam action figure after action figure and the big colouring book he’d gotten a couple weeks ago. “Great, yeah. Nicola’s husband made steak and Ruth was there too.”

“Not your parents?”

Liam shakes his head before remembering that Harry can’t see him. “I saw them the first night.”

“Oh. That’s good then. Bet they were glad to see you.” Liam tries and fails to ignore the bite in Harry’s voice.

“Not really I mean – this isn’t an ideal circumstance for them either.”

Harry hums and Liam can hear something click in the background. He must have put on the kettle then. “So they know then? About,” Harry sounds quieter, “us.”

“About our separation? Of course. I told them the night it happened.” When Harry doesn’t say anything Liam asks, “Did you not tell Anne and Gem?”

“No,” Harry says quickly. “Why would I – I didn’t think you were serious.”

“I’m moved out.”

“I noticed.” Liam scrubs a hand over his face. The happy look on Schnapps’ face is gone. “So you told your family. Who else knows?”

“Paddy and Josh. Louis obviously and then I told Niall. Andy knows too, but I haven’t really talked to him for a while.”

“Niall invited himself over for dinner tonight. That would explain why.” Harry sounds annoyed. He has absolutely no reason to be in Liam’s opinion.

“Are you upset that I told our friends?”

“S’not like I want to make this everyone’s business.”

Harry’s voice is calm and void of emotion like it always is when he’s angry. Liam’s learned the careful tone of Harry’s anger throughout the years and it’s always amazed and disgruntled him how level-headed Harry can remain when he’s upset. There have been arguments that last ages because Liam yells and Harry stays collected, refusing to lower himself to Liam’s level.

“Everyone’s – everyone already knew Haz!” Schnapps noses at Liam’s knee.

“Because you probably told them.”

“I didn’t,” Liam counters. “Niall could tell something was up when we went to his birthday the other weekend because we barely talked to each other and you showed up late. Three days before that was Paddy’s daughter’s birthday and I went by myself because you were gone when I woke up and forgot about it. Then there was Josh’s bands thing a couple days before that and you went to a different pub with Xander and-”

“I get it,” Harry snaps.

Liam sucks in a tired breath. He’s drained. He no longer has the energy or enthusiasm to finish the last two kilometers of his run. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad-”

“Too late.”

“But I wouldn’t have to if that wasn’t all true.”

For a moment Liam thinks Harry’s hung up on him, but then he hears the whistle of the kettle on Harry’s end.

“Widow misses you. She spent all yesterday sniffing your shoes by the door.”

“I didn’t leave any shoes by the door.”

“I put them there,” Harry says. It’s quick, like admitting it is sacred. “Makes me think that maybe you’ll come back.”

“Harry,” but Liam can’t finish because Harry sniffles on the other end. It’s heartbreaking. He wants to say ‘don’t’ and ‘sorry’ and ‘stop’, but it all seems a bit heartless and futile.

“Sorry. I’m a bit hungover.”

Of course Harry went to the bar. Of course Harry went out the night after Liam left town to drown himself in beer and tequila and peach schnapps.

“I can’t sleep without you, y’know.”

“Harry-”

“No Liam, it’s not fair.” Harry’s voice wavers, but he continues. “It’s not fair that you got to move out. You got to prepare for it and you had warning and you have your family, Li. I have no one.”

“You have Xander. You have all the boys on the team.”

“That’s not the same, Li.”

Liam wants to dispute that. He digs his heels into the dirt and thinks about telling Harry about how the boys were perfectly good company while Liam spent hours by himself at night. He wants to argue that Harry had a posse of friends to parade around with while Liam hung out with Louis and Meg and crawled into bed alone. He wants to tell Harry that he’s glad he wasn’t home when Harry stumbled in drunk last night, probably half-hard and grinding against Liam; kissing the back of Liam’s neck until he turned around and kissed back, craving any source of intimacy he could get.

“I don’t want to fight.”

“No, you wanted to leave and you did.”

Schnapps rests his head on Liam’s thigh this time, whining to get attention.

“Leaving was my last resort Harry.”

A gaggle of schoolchildren walk past him. Their heads are buried in their phones, but Liam’s suddenly aware that he’s in a park fighting with his husband over the telephone.

“I’m in public right now. This isn’t the best time.”

It takes a second for Harry to hum. “Sorry. Didn’t know what you’d be up to for the day.”

“I went for a run. Then I’m going to the school or something. I’m gonna help the gym teacher. My mum got me a gig teaching the boxing unit in gym or summat.”

“Sounds right up your alley.”

“Yeah.” Then because Liam can’t think of anything else to say he supplies, “It’s a few hours every day and sometimes after school. What about you?”

“Dunno yet. Think I’m gonna do the laundry. I’m behind on the washing up too.”

“Aces.” Liam swallows. Harry has always been better at doing laundry. Liam was always rubbish at the dishes. It hurts to think about them in past tense. “I’ve got another couple of kilometers to run before I’m home, but I’ll call you soon alright?”

“Alright.” Then because Harry can’t help himself apparently, he says, “Love you.”

He’s hung up before Liam can even formulate a response.

\---

The first time Liam sees Harry Styles he’s covered in sweat with a mud up to the tops of his thighs. It’s cold in October and he wants nothing more than to avoid his coursework and maybe have a beer before Skyping his sister. The game wasn’t particularly difficult to win – just a preseason round with some posh school up north. Still, Harry is looking at him like the second coming of Christ.

Harry is smiling shyly from behind their Coach’s shoulder and his cheeks are red and eyes bright green. He’s got an American flag scarf tying his hair back and he stands out from the rest of his teammates in the locker room.

“That was a good game lads; a good start to the season.” A roar of cheers goes up in the locker room and Liam finds himself smiling wide and proud. Dan grips his shoulder tightly and jostles him around while Sandy pats the top of his head. “You were fierce, strong, and a team. Now before you lads fuck off to get drunk, we’ve got a new addition to the team. This is Harry Styles and he’ll be helping Paul with your physiotherapy, alright?”

Harry smiles a cherry red grin and waves at the team. He’s practically got hearts in his eyes, admiration and awe clear. There are a couple greetings shouted from Liam’s team to which Harry blushes and waves more enthusiastically.

“Alright. Shower and then get the fuck out of here to celebrate!”

Liam stands with the team, hooting and hollering until their Coach leaves.

He pushes himself to his feet and meets Harry by the doorway. He looks shy and awkward, feet turned in looking at Liam like he’s two seconds from fleeing.

“Hi,” Liam greets, holding out a hand. Harry shakes it firmly. “M’Liam.”

“Harry, hi.”

“Hi.” Liam grins stupidly before dropping his hand and wiping it against his jersey. He feels sweatier than he had when he was on the field. It was only a preliminary game to start off the season, but Liam feels accomplished.

“Hi.” Harry closes his eyes and screws his face up in embarrassment. “Sorry.” He cracks an eye open with a bright pink flush on his cheeks and straightens his posture. “You played really well.”

“S’just preseason.”

“Still,” Harry waves his hand around and seems to relax. “What program are you in?”

“Accounting and management.” Andy pats Liam on the back as he passes, but makes no move to introduce himself to Harry.

“Really?”

Uncertainty crawls down his esophagus and wraps itself around his organs. It’s the same thing his flatmate, some randomly assigned bloke named Louis, had said before bursting into laughter and calling him boring. They’re friends now. Or at least Liam thinks they are because they do things together like drink and smoke cigarettes. Louis confides in him about his relationship troubles and sometimes pats Liam on the back and tells him that he’s not as annoying as he was when they first moved in together.

It’s been two months of Liam clinging to their friendship and believing that everything Louis says isn’t necessarily only to make fun of him. He’s only got the rugby boys and Louis; their other two flatmates are rarely home and Liam’s never been great at socializing.

“That’s awesome.”

“Really?” Liam asks, surprised.

“Of course. I’ve always wanted to run my own business or something. I worked in a bakery in sixth.”

“Do you still want to open your own bakery?”

“Nah. I’m in biomedical sciences; first year.”

Liam scratches at the back of his neck and avoids thinking about how smelly he is. Louis always tells him that if he doesn’t immediately shower after a game he stinks up every inch of space in his vicinity.

“That’s impressive. You get to help the sports teams for that?”

He looks around himself before shrugging shyly and mentioning, “My stepbrother’s aunt is one of the professors and she pulled some strings. It doesn’t really help with anything this term, but when I have my practicum next term then I’ll already have a placement.”

“Fancy,” Liam nods although he’s not quite sure what Harry means exactly.

“Not really. I just kind of follow Paul around. I’m going to be working with-”

“Harry!”

Harry’s face lights up at the sound of Niall voice. He deflects a punch to the side, but gets trapped in the headlock Niall instigates. Harry tweaks one of Niall’s nipples and pinches his side while laughing like a maniac. Liam hadn’t made him look that happy.

“Niall you reek, you’re going to suffocate the kid.” Liam feels awkward in his cleats.

Niall lets go of Harry, but keeps an arm around his shoulders. Harry is giving him the same dopey look he had been giving Liam.

“Have you two met already then?” Liam asks, floundering for conversation to tamper the knot in his stomach. Harry’s attractive and Liam feels foolish for thinking that he could hold Harry’s attention for very long.

“Niall’s my flatmate,” Harry explains. “A right pain in the arse.”

“Oi.” Niall drops his arm and stares at Harry. “To think I was just about to ask you to be my plus one to the pub.”

“You could be my plus one,” Liam suggests. Niall’s cackle is so loud Liam can feel a couple of his teammates turn around. His neck burns with embarrassment, but Harry positively beams at him.

His eyes crinkle and a dimple blossoms in his cheek as he nods. “Could do, I suppose.”

\---

Liam’s mum comes over when he’s halfway done with the spag bol. The meats browning nicely and the onions are sizzling in the pan next to them with green peppers, chilies, and sweet corn that Harry always demands be put into it.

“Oh poppet!” Karen says, full of glee. Her cheeks are pinked in excitement, eyes a bit wet when she embraces her son. “Ruthie said you were cooking dinner so I thought I’d stop by and help.”

She’s got an armful of grocery bags and is taking out beans, bread, everything that Liam had stocked up on when he went to the store after he went to the school.

“I’ve made dinner for myself before,” Liam tells his mum as politely as he can.

Karen just shushes him though, picking up the spoon to taste what he’s got bubbling. “Oh Liam, why would you put corn in a spag bol?”

“I-” Liam flounders for the right words. “I like it.”

Karen tuts and moves onto Ruth’s spice rack. “I ran into Sophia’s mum at that specialty boutique.”

“Sophia’s sister owns that boutique,” Liam points out.

Karen steamrolls over Liam’s comment. “She said Sophia was in town.”

“Mum-”

“Liam, stop interrupting please.” Karen puts in way too much pepper, too much thyme like Liam hates. “She said Sophia was back and I was thinking the two of you could go out to dinner and catch up. She broke off her engagement to that awful Welsh man and now that you’re divorced I don’t see why this couldn’t work again.”

“I’m not-”

“You were so precious in sixth form. Gone for each other you were.” Karen sighs like it’s a dreamy romance novel instead of a relationship that ended in awkward heartbreak.

“I’m not ready for that mum. And I’m not divorced.”

Karen presses a kiss to Liam’s cheek. It’s warm and comforting until she says, “Not yet.” Karen turns back to the food and hums under her breath. “You really should give her a call Liam.”

“Maybe,” Liam says, scratching his elbow and hoping the conversation changes quickly. He sits in one of the kitchen chairs now, bored and uncomfortable with where this is going.

It’s similar to the calls Karen would make when Liam was in his second year of university and began seeing Harry. He remembers pulling away from the cocoon of Harry’s dorm bed to sneak into the loo and chat with his mum. He remembers declining dinner dates with girls his mum found for him and struggling to tell her about the blossoming relationship between Harry and him. He remembers the arguments with Harry that led to silence and days without speaking until he would find Harry and apologize with kisses.

Liam sneaks his phone out of his pocket and pats Schnapps head. He’s panting with his tongue out and large eyes squinting from happiness. He’s got a few messages from Louis and a picture of a beer from Niall. There’s a Snapchat video from Josh of one of his students training.

He flips open Instagram and mindlessly scrolls through song lyrics and movie quotes until he sees a black and white photo that he knows without a doubt was posted by Harry. It’s a picture of a beer at a bar that Liam doesn’t recognize. It’s filled to the brim and has an umbrella hanging off the side. Liam looks closely and can see the other empty pint across from the camera along with the pattern of the jacket of the person he’s drinking with.

This isn’t the first time that Harry has posted a photo of himself spending time with someone that’s not Liam, but due to uncertainty that Liam hadn’t previously possessed, he feels jealous. Especially since the caption is ‘pints and other laddy things’.

That’s what Harry had called what they were doing in uni; when Liam and him were flirting in front of Niall and Louis and the rest of the rugby team. When Harry would linger around Liam and orbit him during practice and after games. It was after they had kissed at a celebration party after too much beer when Harry had dragged him into the corridor and pressed him up against the wall. Liam had held his breath and waited for Harry to make the first move.

“Don’t worry,” Harry had whispered with beer on his breath and a flush on his cheek, “s’just pints and other laddy things.”

Liam locks his phone and turns to pay more attention to Schnapps. His eyes are apologetic, as if he knows Liam’s mood has deflated. He pets Schnapps head for a few moments before placing a smacking kiss on his snout. Schnapps waggles his tail for more.

Liam takes a deep breath and picks up his phone again. “What did you say Sophia’s number was?”

\---

Sophia is just as stunning, if not more, than Liam remembers.

Her hair is long and dark, her face thinner than it normally looks in her Facebook pictures. She smiles widely when she sees Liam and embraces him in a tight hug. She’s dressed smartly in a camel coloured skirt and black blouse and Liam can imagine a different life where they’re high profiles of some sort and they live happily ever after. Maybe he’s a singer like he had always wanted or many she’s a fashion designer and he’s the puppy dog boyfriend who follows her around.

“You look good,” Sophia greets, sitting back into her seat and folding one leg over the other.

“So do you,” Liam says. He still hasn’t taken his seat. “Did you order?”

“Nah. Was waiting for you.”

“Yeah, sorry. I was a little late.”

Sophia smiles slowly and clasps her hands together. Liam can’t help but imagine how Harry would look in this little coffee shop. He would probably fit right in. He’d probably already have charmed the manager and convinced them to add a pump of caramel free of charge.

“Should I get us some drinks?” Liam shrugs out of his jacket and swings it around the back of the seat. His wallet is grounding in his pocket. Sophia nods and slips her phone out of her purse. “16oz skim latte, no foam, half-sweet hazelnut?”

“I haven’t ordered that since I was nineteen.”

“Is that a yes?”

Sophia rolls her eyes then nods. “Yes please.”

Liam twiddles his thumbs after ordering. It’s been a long while since he’s come to this shop. A long while since he’s been home and now he’s watching his back every ten seconds in case he sees someone he knows. His actions are robotic as he slides open his mobile and sends a message to Louis. He’s all too supportive of Liam catching up with an old girlfriend. It should worry him how much Louis wants him to get back out on the field, but that’s not surprising. Not given the way Meg was conceived.

Liam nervously carries their drinks back to their table. The mugs are mismatched like that had been when he was in school and he sets Sophia’s tall green mug on the table in front of her.

“Thank you,” Sophia smiles, tucking her phone away. “So what’s new?”

 _Where do I begin?_ Liam wonders. No one has asked him that in a while. People have asked him how he has been holding up or how he’s feeling, but no one has dared to ask him what’s new because it seems that they already know.

“Um,” Liam begins awkwardly. “I’m working at our old secondary school.”

“That’s brilliant,” Sophia smiles. “What are you doing there?”

Liam ducks his head and sips his too-hot Americano. It’s black and strong like Harry had convinced him was the way to drink coffee. “Teaching a boxing unit.”

“That sounds perfect for you.”

“It is, yeah. The kids are shitheads, but they actually listen once we get down to the actual fighting.”

“Is it mixed, or just boys?”

“Just boys for now. I’m hoping to do some self-defence classes for the girls.”

Sophia reaches across the table and grasps his right hand. He’s been careful to keep his left off the table. He doesn’t know if it’s proper to continue wearing his wedding band, but he’ll be damned if he takes it off due to a shady Instagram post.

“Oh Liam! Sophia.” They turn their heads towards the voice – it’s one of their teachers in sixth form. “I haven’t seen you since you left.”

It’s Sophia who stands first and hugs him. “Hi Mr. Gallagher. You look well.”

“I’m feeling well. It’s my first year of being retired!”

Liam finds that he has to force a smile onto his face. “That’s exciting.”

“Isn’t it! I’m taking the wife to Morocco. Always wanted to go and now’s the perfect time.” He gestures to a woman stood in the queue. “We’ve been married forty two years.”

“Congratulations.” Sophia prompts him into another conversation about Morocco and his wife.

Liam has always loathed his inability to make small talk. From when he was an awkward kid with one kidney and a bad haircut following Sophia around when she was introducing him to all of her friends to sitting in a pub with Harry’s mates trying to make himself seem confident.

It never worked of course. Liam always ended up fumbling over his words and pretending to be someone more confident than he was. Even now he finds it uncomfortable to seem engaged in a conversation that he has no interest being in.

“I just think it’s great,” Mr. Gallagher beams. He cups one of Sophia’s cheeks in his hands and then moves onto Liam’s. “I remember when you first started going steady. ‘The school’s sweetest couple’ I always said.”

Liam fiddles with his wedding band and drops his head.

“Thank you,” Sophia smiles. She dismisses him with a final hug before slipping back into her chair as if nothing had happened. It isn’t until Liam takes his seat that she lets out a low whistle. “Awkward.”

“A bit,” Liam winces.

“You alright?” Liam nods robotically. “Your mum told my mum about um… about your divorce.”

“It’s a separation,” Liam corrects.

“Right.” Sophia brings her cup up to her lips and Liam wills himself to find something attractive about her. “Well-”

“I can’t do this,” Liam rushes out. He motions between the two of them, awkwardly flustered.

Sophia looks confused for all of a moment before bursting into laughter. “You thought – oh my God. Liam, you thought this was a date?”

“I – it – oh my goodness.” Colour immediately colours Liam’s cheeks as embarrassment rolls over him. “I didn’t-”

“I get it. I-”

“I’m not ready to date and I thought. Well, my mum thought that-”

“Liam, please. It’s okay, honestly. I didn’t want to assume and I’m glad I didn’t.”

“God, because like,” Liam sips more of his coffee. He feels overwhelmed, but relieved. It’s ridiculous that sitting with an ex-girlfriend, someone who meant so much to him before he met Harry, can make him feel this happy. When they broke up ages ago, Liam thought they would never be friends again, that the heartache was too strong. That familiar feeling of heartache and uncertainty creeps back in and suffocates him whenever he thinks about his marriage.

It’s worse though. Liam can’t stop thinking about how much freer Harry must be feeling without him.

“I miss him,” Liam admits. Then all of a sudden his eyes are wet and Sophia’s wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug.

“Don’t cry,” Sophia whispers into his ear. “Don’t cry here,” she corrects when Liam’s tears don’t subside. “This is too formal. Do you want to go somewhere else?”

They abandon their drink to slip into Sophia’s car and drive around. No words are spoken as they drive around town. The car weaves through neighbourhoods and they pass their old school and the only laundromat in town. Sophia takes them to a Chinese restaurant that used to be a burger joint they had their first date at.

“I’m dying for some chow mein.”

“I’m always dying for chow mein,” Sophia laughs. “My ex had himself convinced that he could make chow mein and it was the goddamn worst meal I would eat.”

“That’s the worst. Harry-” he pauses, but Sophia nods encouragingly, “he’s the best cook ever. He can make anything and he’s so good at it. He’s got this Pinterest thing organized into foods and stuff from around the world.”

“He sounds organized.”

“He is. He’s got – he’s got this homemade recipe book where he rates them with stars of difficulty and enjoyment and whether or not I consumed more than one helping.” _It sits in a cupboard_ , Liam thinks; _it hasn’t been touched in months, just like me_.

Once he’s said it, the floodgates open. Liam talks Sophia’s ear off about Harry and their marriage and all the good times they had. He talks about how Harry refuses to run the dishwasher unless they’ve got a full load and how he sprinkled nutmeg instead of cinnamon on a massive batch of cinnamon buns for the first Christmas potluck at Liam’s gym. He pulls out his phone and shows her pictures and videos of Schnapps and Widow napping together.

In turn, Sophia rants about her idiot of an ex and how God awful living in Wales was. “I couldn’t even pronounce half the names of the fucking towns!” Sophia quips. Despite her laughter, she does take the opportunity to rant about how much of a dick her ex-fiancé was and how pleased she is that it didn’t work out.

Before they know it the sun is setting and they’ve spent the day together. They’re still in the Chinese restaurant, tummies grumbling in want of food once more.

\---

Each morning Liam wakes with a pang in his heart and a crick in his spine. The sofa bed isn’t nearly as comfortable as his bed at home and no matter how late Harry crawled into bed, he always radiated heat. Liam wakes up more times than not to Schnapps licking his hand or whining lowly by his face.

That’s not unusual, as Schnapps has always been Liam’s alarm clock since they adopted him a week after returning from their honeymoon in Switzerland. But Liam misses Widow’s presence. She had always been pampered by Harry and spoiled by Liam. She got too much catnip for no reason and would disappear for hours on end only to return with a dead bird hanging from her mouth. The first time she had deposited a deceased bird on the Welcome mat, Harry had squealed and started tearing up, demanding that Liam fix it. Fixing it resulted in Liam picking it up with a garbage bag and ten paper towels and disposing of it in the bin outside.

Liam was good at fixing things; he fixed the dishwasher and the creaky bed springs. He fixed the coffee maker thrice before buying a Keurig and he fixes the taps whenever they get leaky. Harry calls on him to take care of the spiders lurking in their home and he called Liam when they were in uni to fix the screen door he had drunkenly knocked over. It seems that the only thing Liam hadn’t managed to fix was their marriage.

Too much anxiety bubbles up within him for 8 in the morning.

Tiredly, Liam grabs his phone and beckons Schnapps over to him. Schnapps noses around the duvet covering Liam’s torso, then lays his head on the blanket. It’s an absolutely perfect moment that Liam snaps a photo of.

He sends it to Harry with a cross-eyed smiley face and tries not to worry about what it means. It’s been days since they talked in the park and Liam’s hoping – no praying – that they can find some way to communicate without it being awkward.

Liam hadn’t thought it would happen, though in hindsight maybe he should have known Harry would call him immediately.

“Morning,” Liam greets.

Harry sounds sleepy when he answers. His voice is deep like it always is in the mornings and it reminds Liam of waking up with their legs together, giggling into each other’s mouths. “Schnapps looked cute.”

“Yeah. He keeps waking me up though.”

“Don’t pretend that you don’t love it,” Harry teases. “He was always your favourite running buddy.”

“Only because you couldn’t keep up.”

Harry makes an affronted guffaw from the other side of the line. Liam can imagine the crease in his cheek and the mess his hair would make sprawled across the pillow. “You always went too bloody early.”

“I did not,” Liam laughs. “You had terrible stamina in uni then once we got married you claimed that running developed your muscles differently and that you only wanted to do yoga.”

“You’ve never complained about my stamina. Or my yoga. It makes me bendy.”

“Oh my God.”

“What!” Harry’s delightedly outrageous face pops up in Liam’s mind. “Don’t act like you’ve never watched me practice my yoga before.”

“You make it sound so dirty.”

“Mmm, that’s because it is.”

It’s so easy for Liam to love Harry in this moment. It’s so easy for Liam to remember Harry’s playful side and the mornings they spent mapping out each other’s bodies and weeks where they would be inseparable. Where they were young and careless and only concerned with touching and kissing and feeling. Liam longs for the days when he was naïve about relationships.

“You’re an idiot,” Liam tells him.

The happiness is out of Harry’s voice when he murmurs, “Yeah.”

Unprepared for the shift in tone, Liam scratches his stomach. Schnapps whines from the back of his throat and licks Liam’s finger. His wedding band gleams from the saliva.

Silence descends upon them. The first summer after they had gotten together, they once spent four hours whispering into the phone until the sun came up for both of them. They watched the sunrise together; Liam through his bedroom window and Harry out on his porch swing. Liam had felt full of so much love, so much promise. There was never a quiet moment when they were together.

“Have you gone to the gym at all?”

“No,” Harry answers. He sounds questioning, as if he hadn’t spent the first year of their marriage picking out paint and décor and spending late nights in the middle of the ring trading kisses and come.

“Why not?”

“I’ve been busy.”

“You used to love the gym.”

Harry would spend countless nights at the gym with Liam. Even when he was working at the small university as the physiotherapist for the cricket team, Harry would stop by the gym and bring Liam supper. He’d have it all wrapped up in old take away containers that he began collecting once Liam started spending more nights away from home. Everyone in the gym knew who he was and mums would fawn over him and the children would pretend to beat him up. Harry always entertained them until Liam had a spare minute then he would kiss him gently in front of everyone.

But that was back then. That was in the early days.

Liam doesn’t know how they got here so fast.

“I should get going,” Harry says when Liam offers no conversation.

“Alright yeah.” Liam doesn’t hang up the phone and neither does Harry.

“Maybe we could Skype or something? This weekend? I’m starting to miss the pup.”

“Of course, yeah. This weekend.”

\---

It was dumb of Liam to sit by his phone and wait. Louis tells him as much.

“What a fucking wanker!”

“Louis,” Liam warns. He’s got the phone between his shoulder and his ear. It jostles every time he stirs the brownie mixture he’s concocting.

“He fucking – he fucking stood you up!”

Liam slaps the back of the wooden spoon against a lump of flour. “S’not like we had a date or anything Lou.”

“Liam Payne; that is not the bloody point. The point is that your husband, a man who claims to love you, told you that he would contact you to Skype and he couldn’t even pick up the bloody phone to let you know he was busy.”

“Louis-”

“You’ve been gone for eleven days Li! Eleven! I’ve talked to you every single day.”

“Unfortunately,” Liam grumbles under his breath.

“Shut up. Stand up for yourself.”

Liam rests the spoon against the bowl and stares at his pathetic attempt at baking. There’s already a batch in the oven he’s sure is burning. But the recipe said to leave it in for thirty minutes. “Maybe he was busy.”

Louis sighs loudly on the other end. “Or maybe he’s just a bastard.”

“He’s your friend too, Lou.”

When Louis was first introduced to Harry they got on like a house on fire. Liam had been concerned that their friendship was going to overshadow the relationships he had built with them, but was pleasantly surprised when Harry still wanted to hang out with Liam alone and when Louis still demanded they play drunk FIFA.

“Not anymore. I choose you.”

“That’s dumb. Don’t – don’t choose sides.”

“Too late.” Liam looks at the lumpy, pathetic batter in front of him. “I already chose sides and I choose yours.”

“That’s shit, Tommo.”

“That’s life, Payno. You chose my side when I broke up with El.”

“I knew you four weeks before you broke up! And you didn’t even talk to me then.”

“We talked plenty! You were a dumb kid who took everything too seriously.” Liam rolls his eyes and shakes the bowl. “And look at us now, thick as thieves.”

Emotion gets caught in Liam’s chest. They have come a long way in the seven years of being mates. When Liam had first walked into Louis’ room to introduce himself and saw the mess of clothes yanked out of the boxes, Liam had thought any attempt at friendship would be futile. It took them nine weeks to become proper mates; seven of which Liam feared for his own sanity.

“I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, Louis. Y’know-”

“Oh stop it. You’re such a sap.” Liam sticks his finger in the batter and licks it. It tastes like absolute shit and nothing like Harry’s does. “Meg’s woken from her nap, you want to chat with her?”

“Meg’s there?”

“Yeah. Bri had a work thing in Wales so I get her until Tuesday.”

“Aces. Yeah put her on.”

Liam adds some more milk and cocoa powder while he waits for Meg’s sweet voice to fill his ears.

“Hi Uncle Li.”

Warmth floods through him at the sleepy sound of Meg. She’s on speaker phone like she always is. She has a difficult time holding onto phones when she speaks; always busy clapping her hands or tugging at her dress to properly hold anything.

“Hi sweetheart. How was your nap?”

“Good. Daddy let me watch Spiderman and then we made chicken.”

“Oh, that sounds yummy. I’m trying to make brownies.”

Meg squeals loudly and claps her hands excitedly. “Did Uncle Harry help you?”

“Nope. Uncle Harry is still home with Widow.”

“I miss Widow. I miss you too and Schnapps.”

“I know angel.” Liam tastes the batter again. He gags on the sharp flavour of cocoa and the grainy texture. “You and daddy might be able to come up and visit. How would you like that? You can come cuddle Schnapps.”

“I’d like that, lots!” Meg’s enthusiasm dies as sighs in the over-exaggerated, long-suffering way only a six-year-old can. “I want mummy to get a dog, but all she’s having is a baby.”

“A baby?”

“Meghan Louise!” Louis’ voice is loud, alarmed. “Did you make your bed after your nap?”

Meg’s voice sounds very, very small when she answers, “No.”

“Go do that alright. Say bye-bye to Uncle Li.”

“Bye-bye Uncle Li. Love you.”

“Love you Meggy.” Liam counts to six in his head. He can hear Louis’ jagged breathing. “Briana’s pregnant again?”

“Yep.”

Liam pushes the bowl back on the counter and leans against it. He feels batter seep through the back of his shirt. “And what do you think about that? I thought you said she broke up with that lawyer bloke.”

“She did.” Liam counts to six again and waits. Like a bobble stretched too far, Louis snaps. “It’s mine.”

“What?” Liam gasps. “Like-”

“We fucked. We’re fucking,” he corrects quickly.

“Are you-”

“No. No, of course not. Just… remember when I took Meg to that specialist? About her not being able to sit still?” Liam does. It was months ago and Liam had been so worried he’d offered to go with Louis for support. It makes sense now why he didn’t. “We went to hers to have dinner as a family and a glass of wine and… Meg was asleep so we – I don’t know. You know how babies are made.”

“Oh, Lou.”

“Yeah… We’ve only told Meg yesterday.”

Liam rubs his temples. Liam remembers the first time he met Briana. It was a couple weeks after him and Harry started dating when Louis suggested a double date. It wasn’t so much a date as Louis telling them that Briana was pregnant and they were definitely not together. Briana didn’t look too bothered by it and swapped seats with Liam so Harry could fuss over her. She hadn’t even been five weeks along, but Harry looks thrilled when she lifted her shirt and revealed her flat belly.

“Are you telling your parents? Jesus.”

“We don’t know. She’s only a couple months along. She told me two weeks ago.”

“Two – Jesus Louis. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I haven’t seen you for eleven days.”

“And yet we’ve talked every day.” Liam smiles when he hears Louis scoff at him.

“You were going through your thing with Harry. It’s not a big – Meg, c’mere.” Louis murmurs something before Liam hears a smacking sound. Liam can hear Meg’s muddled voice on the other end. “You needed me okay? I don’t mind and I still don’t. Your relationship with Harry is more important than another child.”

“Oh my God,” Liam says slowly. Realization dawns on him. “You’re excited.”

“Liam please, we’re not even together.”

“That doesn’t mean shit. You’re excited about another child. I can hear it in your voice. You’re smiling.”

“Am not. Meg’s being a brat at the top of the stairs.” There’s some rustling than a quieter, “Well. I mean it wasn’t planned. But I’m chuffed. Meg asked about wanting a sibling the other month and Bri dumped that anyway. We’ve been talking a bit.” Then in true Tommo fashion, Louis snaps, “I don’t know.”

“Louis, this is great.”

“Don’t go on about it.”

But Liam can see through him. He didn’t spend seven years putting up with Louis Tomlinson and being his friend only to dismiss his defense mechanisms.

“Look at you, twenty-seven and a father of two.”

“I’ll be twenty-eight when she delivers.”

“That’s amazing. You’re going to get back together, I can feel it.”

“We were never together in the first place,” Louis points out.

Liam rolls his eyes. “Didn’t stop you from hooking up this entire time.”

“Oi. I was in a serious relationship for two years after Megs. And Briana was with that shithead for three.”

“Yeah, yeah. Harry will be happy when he hears.” Liam drags himself away from the counter to sit in one of the mismatched kitchen chairs. Burning brownie fills the air, but Liam pushes it to the back of his mind. It was Harry and him who were supposed to adopt. They had looked at multiple agencies at the beginning of the summer, but the more involved Harry got with his team the less involved he became with the process.

This will be good though. Harry loves children and maybe if Louis tells Harry then Harry will feel that same enthusiasm he had at the beginning of the summer when –

“I’m not telling Harry.”

“You’re not – Lou, you have to.”

“I do not. I have no loyalty.”

Liam rests his elbows on the table. There’s chocolate dried into his arm hair. It smears, blending the chevrons. “Have you talked to him at all?”

“Of course not.”

“Don’t shut him out, Lou.”

“I’m not.” Then sounding like Meg when she refuses to eat her sprouts, Louis mumbles, “I’m just selectively not talking to him.”

“Has he talked to you?”

“Not really.”

“Lou-”

“Have you talked to Niall?”

“Yes.”

“When?”

Liam thinks back. He must have texted him at some point. He puts Louis on speakerphone so he can go back to his messages. Liam’s already feeling smug about sending a screencap and sending it to Louis to prove that they’ve spoken when –

“You still there, Payno?”

“Shut up,” Liam grumbles. “It was a week and a bit ago. Before I left, saying bye.”

“Oh, interesting.” Louis indeed sounds very, very interested. Liam hates him.

“That’s different. Niall’s care-free. He won’t hold a grudge against me in the same way you will against Harry.”

“It’s not a grudge if it’s justified.”

“It is too, Louis. You need-”

“Don’t Liam.” Louis sounds fierce. Liam knows better than to argue with Louis when he’s in a defensive mood. “He’s an arsehole for shutting you out the way he has. I’ve spent more time with you in the last three months, fuck, Meg’s spent more time with you than he has and you’ve only seen her a handful of times. He’s twenty-six years old, he shouldn’t be taking you for granted already. It’s absolute shit that he only cares about you once you’ve gone and I’m not going to play nice with him because he’s too chicken shit to call you himself.”

The beginning of a headache makes its way into Liam’s head. “We’re working on it.”

“Is he working though?” When Liam doesn’t answer, Louis barrels on, “How much sleep are you getting?”

“Enough.”

“Have you been eating properly?”

“Yes, mum.”

“I worry about you, Payno. You know that.”

Liam feels properly scolded. “I know.”

“I’m going to hang up now, before you get any madder.”

“I don’t think that’s a word, Tommo.”

“Shut up.”

Liam laughs; the knot in his chest loosens. He’s got to take out that batch of brownies. “I’ll text you tomorrow.”

“Make sure that you do. Love you, Payno.”

“Love you, Tommo.”

Liam puts his phone down and sighs. Less than a second later the smoke alarm goes off.

\---

Steam escapes Liam’s bowl of piping hot chilli. The beans have been cooked to perfection and the mixture of pork and beef is seasoned to perfection. Liam hasn’t been here since his early twenties; visits to Wolverhampton have been filled with family events and smothered in his mother’s homemade food – there hasn’t been time for him to visit the diner in the heart of town. They specialize in toasties and soups and Liam’s been coming to the restaurant ever since his father used to take him to the hardware store and bribe him with a milkshake from here if he behaved.

That’s not to say that Liam hasn’t seen the owner Bess since he left for university. She was a guest at his wedding reception and gave them a brilliant recipe book with secret recipes from her shop that Harry was obsessed with making in the early months of their marriage. She’s tall and built, with broad shoulders and thick fingers used to kneading her homemade rolls.

“How is it?”

Liam’s head jerks up at Bess’s voice. He’s got the spoon hovering over his bowl, lost in thought.

Liam brings the now cooled spoonful to his mouth and swallows dutifully. “Delicious.”

“Good.” Bess sits down across from Liam and folds her hands together. Her hair is neatly tucked under a hairnet and she’s got brown eyeshadow smudged across her lids. “I’m surprised you didn’t want the stew.”

“The chilli’s a classic.” To prove it, Liam takes a massive bite. It’s not completely cooled and Bess tuts as she pushes his glass of Pepsi towards him. Liam gulps it gratefully before giving it a stir.

“How long are you here for? Charlie said she thought she saw you at the school.”

“Yeah. I’m teaching the kids a self-defence unit.”

Bess nods impressed. “That’s brilliant. She could use self-defence against some of those terrors. A few of them have been acting up and not doing their homework.”

“Really? Who? I’ll use them as the next punching dummy.”

Bess laughs and squeezes his hand across the table. Her eyes have lines at the corner that she didn’t have a few years ago. The diner has aged her no doubt. She’s forty-eight, but has always claimed that Charlie keeps her young. It was the biggest scandal Wolverhampton had seen when news broke that Bess was seeing someone – a woman – twelve years younger than her. Liam had been sixteen and couldn’t imagine how frightening it must feel to be for everyone to know that you’re with someone of the same sex.

“Oh, don’t worry about her. How’s Harry though?”

“He’s great. He got promoted to be the physiotherapist for the football team at Middlesex instead of the cricket team at a smaller uni.”

“Good for him.” Bess wipes her chin with the back of her hand. “Are you still living in the old flat?”

“We moved into a home about a year ago, maybe? It was just before the winter hols.”

“Oh my. Well you must both be busy. I know Harry hasn’t sent me a photo of what he’s cooked for dinner since February.”

“He’s been busy, yeah. He got the promotion around March.”

“That’s fantastic. Is there a lot of travel?”

Liam knows that Bess isn’t trying to pry, but he feels exposed. “A bit more. They’re big into team bonding and pub nights.”

“How fun! You must know everyone on the team then. Do you feel like a WAG yourself?”

Liam huffs and shakes his head. The only person from the team he has met is Xander and that was when Harry drunkenly called Liam for a ride home from the bar.

There’s a crash in the kitchen that pulls away Bess’s concentration. “Shite. I’ve got to deal with that. But you come say goodbye before you go. And don’t be a stranger.”

“I won’t,” Liam promises. The next scoop of chilli is cold.

\---

“Toy Story again?”

“It’s a classic, Roo. Shut up.”

“My child is not going to become as obsessed with bloody Toy Story as you have.”

Liam huffs and shoves the bowl of cinnamon sugar covered popcorn at her. Ruth’s been having some weird cravings that he goes along with because she’s a moody git when she doesn’t get her way. She’s got a jar of gherkins and a fork in her lap, alternating between eating a bit of gherkin and shoving a handful of popcorn into her mouth. Mr. Potato head is disassembled on screen.

“It’s not an obsession.”

“You had a wedding for your Woody and Buzz dolls when you were seven.”

“They were action figures,” Liam defends.

Ruth chomps down on popcorn as she texts on her phone with buttery, sugary fingers. She’s been giving him half of her attention the entire night, but he’s been pretending like he hasn’t noticed. Her mum took her to a doctor’s appointment and she came in stroppy and upset. There are only four weeks until she’s due and she only has about half of her “before-the-baby-comes” to-do list completed. Naturally, they decided to ignore that and have a movie night.

“They were plush, they were dolls.”

Liam gently punches her in the shoulder.

“We should’ve known you were gay when you tried to send them to space for their honeymoon. Mum flipped out when she saw you making them kiss.”

Liam turns beet red at the memory. Ruth cackles. She’s evil. Liam hates her. “I hate you.”

“It was cute. You were always my favourite.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Then because Ruth looks like she’s getting emotional, Liam wraps an arm around her and pulls her in until she’s leaning against his shoulder. Her back will probably act up soon, but for now she lets herself be held.

“It’s shitty why you’re here, but I really missed you.”

“I missed you too. You’ll have to come visit when they’re old enough.”

“You think you’re going back soon?”

Schnapps rolls onto his side with a dramatic whine. Liam hates how Schnapps always seems to know when Liam’s talking or even bloody thinking of Harry. He’s awfully perceptive. He’s also adorable and Liam calls him over so the dog can curl up at his feet.

“I do, yeah. I miss him – is that mad?”

“Not mad. It’s not like you don’t love each other. It’s not like… it’s not like you’re pregnant and he wants nothing to do with you.”

“Roo-”

“No, I mean. I mean that when Hans first left I missed him like crazy and it wasn’t just because I was carrying around a physical reminder of our relationships.” Liam’s eyes drop to Ruth’s stomach as she puts a protective hand around the bump. “I would stalk his social media and have daydreams about calling him and having him come running back to me.”

Guilt crawls up Liam’s throat at the thought of his sister going through this alone. He hadn’t known she felt this way. “How did you get over it?”

“I realized that he wasn’t coming back. I realized that he didn’t love me as much as I had loved him and that he was a bag of burning shite.”

“I could still track him down and beat him up.”

Ruth laughs and ruffles Liam’s hair. “As much as I would love that, I’m just saying that it’s not mad to miss someone. Especially if you’re heads over heels in love with them. I was mad for Hans, but he wasn’t mad for me.”

“Are you saying I don’t love Harry because I left? Because-”

“No, I’m just saying that you don’t miss people you don’t love. I think Harry’s a fucking idiot for ever taking you for granted, but I think all of England knows how gone he is for you.”

Liam twists his wedding band. “Even mum?”

“Yeah.” When Liam tries to give Toy Story his full attention Ruth reaches forwards and presses pause on the remote. “We had a great childhood, Li.”

“I know.”

Schnapps sits up by Liam’s feet and rests his head on Liam’s lap.

“Mum loves us. So does Nic and that’s why they smother us, y’know? ”

He runs his fingers over Schnapps’ soft ears. “I feel like such a child when I come home though.”

“Try living here. You got out. You have a great life despite what’s going on right now. We grew up with barely anything, but mum and dad loved us so much. Nicola always protected us. She hit John Fowler in the face when he called me fat in year seven, remember?”

Liam laughs and scratches under his dog’s chin. His tail thumps against the carpet and his breathing speeds up. “I was on a sick day and mum got the phone call. I remember she bundled me up in about six layers before yelling at the headmaster.”

“It was brilliant.”

“It was.”

“So she just cares a lot. And they just want you to have the easiest life you can. Being bi isn’t easy and they know that. They want the best for you, we all do.” Before Liam can even think to say anything else, Ruth is quick to say, “Harry’s the best for you. Be patient. This is only a blip in your lives.”

“Okay,” Liam nods. Ruth’s studying his face carefully though so he rolls his eyes for effect. “Can we watch the movie now? I want to mentally plan what Buzz and Woody’s honeymoon would be like.”

Ruth’s mouth drops open in horror. “Oh my God, you’re gross!”

\---

All things considered, Liam’s doing alright.

He tries not to think about his gym back home when he teaches the boys how to properly punch someone. He tries not to think about the first time he showed Harry pressure points on the body in case he ever had to fight off an attacker. He tries not to feel guilty for leaving Schnapps cooped up in Nicola’s apartment instead of letting him roam around the spacious backyard.

Truly, Liam’s doing fine. He chats with Louis and goes for a late night smoothie run with Sophia. Ruth spends more time shopping for baby supplies and comes back with flushed cheeks and tiny socks with matching caps. He Skypes with Josh while he’s at the gym and gets weepy when he sees all the students that miss him. Liam goes over to his mum and dad’s and doesn’t think about going back to London.

Things aren’t too different, but Liam misses the washroom he has back home.

It’s a soft brown that Harry had dubbed golden caramel – something that Liam had made fun of him for ages about – with a porcelain sink and matching tub. It doubles as a shower, which is absolute heaven because it had a detachable shower head that they have experimented with a fair few times.

The mirror is massive and the countertops a nice granite that Liam can dig his fingernails into when Harry fucks him over it. The tile floors are always cold, but the fluffy mat by the tub is always soft and welcoming. Liam loves their washroom and how it was relatively free; there are definite perks to having Harry get his clients to pay them in the form of tiny household renovations.

Ruth’s loo is much smaller. The shower barely covers Liam’s head and it dribbles out slower than Liam’s kitchen sink. The water pressure is weak and there are bursts of chilling water whenever Ruth turns on the sink or runs the washing machine. Liam’s got his own shampoo on the ledge with his body wash neatly beside it. The shower seems empty without Harry’s deep conditioners and body scrubs.

Liam turns the dial warmer and stands under the spray until his goose pimples disappear.

It’s the first time he’s not been sore immediately after going for a run and it feels incredibly good to stand under the warm water. He used to take showers after running in uni. When he was highly stressed in his last year he made it a point to go for a run every day. Even if he was sleeping over at Harry and Niall’s, he would escape from the warmth of Harry’s bed to go for a run. Sneaking back into the flat, Liam would always have to be mindful of Niall sleeping in his room. He’d bypass a naked Harry in bed, then turn the shower on the hottest setting and revel in it. Harry would wake up 9/10 out of ten times to creep into the shower with him and despite Niall’s strict No Sex in the Shower rule, they would always end up giggling and coming and getting dirtier than when they started.

Just thinking about it makes Liam hard. It’s pathetic really – that the thought of wanking off with his husband can turn him on this much – but looking down Liam’s cock is starting to swell and he can feel his legs weaken with how much he wants to jerk off.

He’s put it off as much as he can, what with being in Roo’s house at all, but he can’t do another cold shower or evading it any longer. He’s a healthy twenty-seven year old male who used to have an active sex life. Hell, Louis’ got a child and a career and more obligations than Liam can count, yet he very clearly still had time for sex. Liam had a husband for three years and the only sex they had for the past three months was drunkenly initiated by Harry or was in the pitch black late at night.

Liam wraps his fingers around himself and thinks of the last time they had sex. True and proper, mind-blowingly dirty, dirty sex that made his toes curl and Harry’s eyes water and left them revelling in the afterglow for ages. That must have been before their anniversary when they had gone out to a fancy restaurant. It had been a tad bit awkward with Liam talking about the gym all night and Harry interrupting him to take a picture of their food and post it on Instagram. They had gotten a taxi home because they had both had their fair share of wine and then they stripped themselves off slowly and had sex.

It wasn’t anything spectacular and the sex that followed for weeks and months up until Harry stopped touching him had been mediocre at best. Even on Liam’s birthday they had traded touches and kisses as if it was obligatory with Liam opening himself up while Harry watched with half-closed eyes, too focused on getting himself hard to properly prep his husband. Then there was Niall’s birthday a little over a week ago where they both got so drunk they fell asleep as soon as they got home.

Liam swipes his thumb over his slit and jerks into his fist. The water’s still piping hot and runs down his chest and through the hair sitting at the base of his dick. It’s thick and curly; it used to be Harry’s favourite place to bury his nose while he took Liam’s cock down, down, down.

“Fuck,” Liam mumbles, gripping the tiles to no avail. He thinks of Harry’s puffy lips, his wide eyes, the way he was always so eager for more.

The last time they fucked, Harry had come stumbling into their room after a night of partying with the footie team. Liam could smell the booze on his breath when Harry crawled in behind him in nothing but his socks. His fingertips were cold as he moved the duvet down Liam’s hips. The tip of his nose had pressed against the base of Liam neck before lips were being peppered along his shoulder blades. Harry rocked his dick into Liam’s arse and made a whining sound that he hadn’t heard in ages.

It wasn’t Liam’s fault he turned into the arms that were finally holding him and took whatever affection he could get. Even if it was muted and rushed and Harry hadn’t quite prepped Liam properly, the burn was still amazing. Harry had his eyes closed for most of it, but it was still good. It still confirmed that Liam was wanted and lusted after and he would take his husband any way he could get him.

Fuck, Liam’s really turned on. He should have nabbed one of the vibrators they have and brought it with him.

Liam comes embarrassingly quickly after that, methodically jerking off until he’s bending his knees and aiming his come at the drain. He rinses shampoo out of his hair and washes off before patting himself dry with his towel.

The bathmat isn’t fluffy and the towel isn’t soothing, but this is what Liam’s life is now.

\---

When Liam was six his dad took the training wheels off his bicycle.

Liam kicked and screamed and cried until tears soaked his father’s shirt. The fear of falling off the cycle and scraping his knees like Nicola had a few weeks prior hindered his enthusiasm. But with the careful guidance of his father and the encouragement from his sisters, Liam was able to peddle freely. He remembers flying down the road with the wind sweeping by his arms. He remembers the batman shirt he wore and how it made him feel like the invincible superhero.

His mother was waiting three houses down with a video camera in her hand, cheering loudly. The sun shone on his face and his small feet peddled as fast as he could.

Liam had stopped a few feet in front of her feeling on top of the world. Karen had told him over and over and over again how proud she was of him. She took his face in her hands and kissed his cheeks so hard Liam had red lipstick imprints until bath time.

Karen showed that video at every family gathering for the next year. The pride in her voice and on her face made Liam hungry for that approval for the rest of his life.

Liam was eight when Ruth and Nicola put lipstick on him and painted his nails with bright varnish. They did his hair in two pigtails and took pictures on their plastic Polaroid and gleefully showed Karen. She hauled Liam into her room by the arm and scrubbed his face and nails so hard Liam felt raw. She undid his hair and made him take a shower until the kinks in his hair were gone.

When he lost the science fair in year four, Liam had cried into Ruth’s pink stuffed bear. When Liam came home with scrapes on his hands and knees from being pushed over when he was eleven, Karen tutted at him for not standing up for himself.

So Liam hung out with Andy more and watched Quentin Tarantino films even though their parents would kill them if they found out. They celebrated Liam’s thirteenth birthday by sneaking into a 15 rated film at the cinema. They bought comic books and soaked up the summer and when school started they avoided doing their homework. One time Liam told Andy he thought about kissing their maths teacher. Andy had laughed until he realized Liam was being serious and then patted his back while Liam cried.

Liam was confused and talked to the only person he thought he could. Karen wasn’t angry that Liam liked his maths teacher; Karen was angry that Liam had said he liked boys. Karen didn’t cry like Liam did or yell or scream. She looked patiently at Geoff and allowed her husband to explain that boys get boners for different reasons and it was just testosterone confusing him.

The next week Geoff signed Liam up at the boxing gym. Liam excelled at boxing; he loved it. He got stronger, faster; he was able to duck a punch and run from trouble. He stood against the lockers when he was fifteen and let himself be kissed by one of the senior boys studying for his GCSEs. They rubbed each other off and afterwards Liam took a long, hot shower.

Karen and Geoff didn’t question him when he came home an hour later than normal. Nor did they question him four days later when he started going steady with Sophia.

\---

“Look what the cat dragged in!”

Liam lets himself be pulled into a headlock before delivering three easy punches to Andy’s stomach. Andy lets go and squares up with Liam, pretending to punch him in the face. Liam goes with it, laughing easily.

“Y’look like shit.”

“Thanks,” Liam frowns. “Feel a bit like it.”

“Well don’t show it. The whole crew’s here to say hi.”

It’s not even a crew. Just Maz, who Liam fell out of contact with once he moved to London, and Daisy, who is Andy’s girlfriend. They laugh a bit when Liam sits down sheepishly and Andy pushes a beer his way. He looks the picture of casual with his arm slung over the back of Daisy’s chair and a cigarette tucked behind his ear.

“How’s it going, Li?”

“S’going. Thinking of buying a bike.”

“Putting down roots,” Maz laughs. His accents faded. All his time in America has changed him. His hair’s shorter than it looks on Instagram and there are darker circles under his eyes.

Liam sips his beer and shakes his head. He’s forgotten how shit the beer here tastes. They snuck into this bar on more than one occasion while he was taking his gap year and they were all fucking about at dead-end jobs. “I’m tired of walking everywhere. Groceries are pain in the arse to carry too.”

“Are you telling me you’ve gotten lazy?” Maz’s drink is a dark brown. Most likely the rum and coke’s he’d drink like water back in the day. God, Liam feels old. “You’re gonna get bald with a beer belly ‘fore you know it.”

“Oi! I own a boxing gym. No way I’m slowing down.”

“Plus his husband’s fit as fuck.” Liam turns at the voice and tries not to blush when he sees Sophia shrugging out of her leather jacket. “Hiya, love.”

“Hey Soph.” Liam gets half out of his seat to hug her. “Stop talking about my husband, too.” It feels good to call Harry that—to give him a title of some sort.

Sophia pats Liam’s cheek and steals his pint.

“Oh, don’t tell me there’s something going on here,” Maz laughs. “What would the hubby think?” Andy shuts him up with a swift elbow to the ribs. The tips of Liam’s ears go red. Clearly he didn’t get the message about his separation.

“I’d go for Harry long before Liam,” Sophia quips.

It settles some nervous energy in Liam. He grins gratefully as he watches her down his drink. “Let me buy you another, let’s go.”

Liam stays a pace behind her as they walk to the bar. Sophia flags down the barman easily enough and then twists so she’s got an elbow on the counter. She eyes him skeptically. “Have you talked to him recently?”

“Nope.”

“How long’s it been?” Their drinks are placed in front of them and Liam rushes to hand the barman a note.

“Six days.”

“Six – oh Liam.”

“I know.” Neither of them move from their spots on the bar. “He was supposed to Skype me this weekend and then he just… didn’t. He hasn’t texted me either so I guess…” He feels pathetic. He’s only been here for ten minutes, but he already wants to curl up on the sleeper sofa and cuddle with Schnapps for the rest of the night.

“You should give him a call. Make the first move.”

“You know I’ve always been shit at that.” Sophia laughs. Liam has no doubt that the same montage of awkward fumbling and uncomfortable blabbering is playing in her mind.

“Think about how he feels,” Sophia warns. “You tell him you want a separation and then leave him in the span of three days.”

“I didn’t come here to get attacked,” he grumbles.

“I’m not attacking you. Don’t be dramatic.” Sophia takes his hand off his glass and covers his with her own. “He’s not perfect and neither are you. I’m only saying that you’ve been gone for two weeks and he must be awfully lonely.”

“He has friends,” Liam says defensively. “If he was here, he would have already befriended this entire bar.”

Sophia shrugs and sits back. “I’m just saying. You’re both hurting, alright?”

Liam lets himself be guided back to their table. He sits there while Maz talks about Los Angeles and Daisy and Andy sneak kisses. Sophia texts on her phone every couple of minutes, but makes sure to include Liam in any conversation she starts. Liam had forgotten how great they were together; how Sophia dragged him out of his shell and made an active effort to ensure that Liam was always comfortable. It’s the same as Harry had always done.

Thinking about Harry in past tense makes his heartache.

“Call him,” Sophia says.

“What?”

Sophia nods at Liam’s fingers tapping manically on the table. “You’re miserable and I’m here to have fun. Call Harry. Go.”

The little shove sends Liam out of his seat. He’s had two beers and half of Sophia’s blackcurrant cider. It makes him walk unsteadily towards the door.

He sucks on a cigarette from his half empty pack and waits for it to go to voicemail. There were loads of nights, when Harry first started getting heavily involved with his football team and his fancy physiotherapy title, where Liam would call Harry and it would go to voicemail. Eventually Liam stopped leaving them.

“‘Lo?” Harry’s voice sounds gruff, out of breath. There’s a groan in the background and Liam –

Liam hangs up.

He squeezes his eyes shut and wills away the emotion bubbling in his chest because his husband is having sex. His husband is having sex with someone that is not him. The thought makes Liam sick. He’s just about to head inside and puke bile out of his empty stomach when his phone rings in his hand.

Liam stares and stares and stares until his phone dies down. Half a heartbeat later it’s lighting up again.

“What?” Liam snaps. He takes a long drag from his cigarette and wills his heart to stop beating so loud.

“It’s not what you think.” Harry still sounds breathy. He sounds well-fucked and Liam’s about to cry with it.

“Please tell me what I think, Harry.”

“You think I’m having sex with someone. I’m not.”

“What are you doing then?” Liam pushes. “I heard, Harry. I’m not an idiot.”

“It was you.”

Liam laughs bitterly. “How bloody stupid-”

“From my birthday. When we stayed in that cottage in Southampton and we fucked for hours. You recorded us, remember? When you used that-”

“I remember.”

Liam remembers the duvets and pillows in front of the fireplace. He remembers the wine and the weed and how Harry had gone pliant underneath him; begging, whining, crying until Liam had kissed him and fucked him and gave him everything he asked. Harry had been sucking Liam’s dick and put his phone in Liam’s hand with the camera app waiting. Liam hadn’t wasted time in filming Harry and fucking his mouth until spit was leaking out the side and Harry’s already red eyes were brimming with tears. Liam had nearly dropped the phone when Harry pulled off and turned himself over, hole already stretched and waiting from their earlier escapade.

“That’s what – um… I was watching that.”

Liam quiet for a few careful moments. “Oh.”

“I’m a bit drunk too. I miss you.” The sincerity in Harry’s voice drains the fight from Liam.

“Sorry. For assuming that, I mean. I didn’t think-”

“Yes you did. It’s not like you can talk though.”

“What does that mean?”

A couple walks by Liam. Liam glares. There are too many damn couples who are happy and in love in this town.

“You know what.”

“I haven’t seen anyone since I met you Harry.”

“Funny.” Harry says blankly. “Didn’t stop you from going out with her.”

“Her? Are you talking about Sophia?”

“Oh so you do know who I’m talking about?”

Liam waits for his cigarette to burn down to the filter before tossing it onto the ground and stepping it out. “Who even told you? Whoever it is, they’re a gossip and they need to learn to keep their mouth shut.”

“It was Louis.”

“When did you talk to Louis?”

Harry sighs. “I ran into him yesterday. He kept calling me Styles.”

“That’s your last name.”

“It’s Styles-Payne and you both know it.”

“Louis still needs to keep his mouth shut. It wasn’t a date.” Liam desperately, desperately doesn’t want to say anything about Harry’s Instagram post. He doesn’t want to seem petty and jealous, but he wants to scrutinize Harry as deeply as he’s being scrutinized.

“S’not what Louis said.”

“Louis’ wrong. It’s not the first time.”

That gets a laugh out of Harry this time.

“Well it wasn’t just her, y’know. My mum called me to ask me about it.”

“Your mum?” Liam asks bewildered. There is no way in hell Louis would tell Anne. He knows they’re Facebook friends but- “What?”

“Well,” Harry starts, “I called to tell her about us, but it turns out that Karen posted it on Facebook and my mum saw.”

“My mum posted what?” Liam tugs another cigarette out of his pack and lights it.

“A picture of you and Sophia from prom.”

“Oh my God,” Liam says mortified. “Harry-”

“I know it wasn’t your fault.”

“Not at all. Oh my God, I am so sorry.”

“Yeah.” Harry sounds discouraged. Liam sucks in smoke and exhales slowly.

Harry sounds far away, a bit sad when he admits, “I miss you. You never said it back.”

“I do miss you.”

Without missing a beat Harry says, “Come home.”

Not even in his wildest, scariest nightmares had Liam anticipated that their marriage would have crumbled into what it is now. Harry is the most important person in Liam’s life. They’ve known each other for six years and even when they were dancing around what they were and Liam was scared and nervous and had only been with one boy before Harry. They were open and honest with each other; their past was never something that they hid.

Once they finally got their heads out of their asses, Harry told Liam he’d never been in a serious relationship before. At that time, Liam was just coming out of a four-year relationship with his secondary school sweetheart. All he had known was a relationship and it was difficult to understand why someone as charismatic and handsome as Harry had been single for eighteen years. Liam found it preposterous.

Harry was genuine and earnest and every time he kissed Liam, it felt like a flame licking gasoline. Liam always felt at home with their relationship. He felt safe and secure and when Harry proposed to him at his graduation supper in the back garden in Wolverhampton, hidden from Liam’s family and friends and miles away from the flat they just moved into together in London. Wrapped up in Harry’s arms, Liam had never felt more at home.

Liam doesn’t know what home is anymore.

“You’re drunk, Harry.”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t miss you, Liam. I miss you.” Harry’s voice hitches and then he sounds watery. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not necessarily about being sorry, Harry. I’m not happy.”

A cab pulls up in front of Liam. He waves them away.

“I can make you happy.”

Liam wants to believe it. He wants to believe it with his entire being. “How much did you have to drink? What did you do today?”

“I rang my mum. Then I cuddled with Widow because she misses Schnapps a lot. Then I watched an X Factor rerun from 2017 and it reminded me of how you said you always wanted to apply so I got drunk.”

“Oh Harry.”

“Don’t use that voice on me.” Harry hiccups over a sob. He tries to cover it up with a cough, but Liam didn’t spend six years with him only to be unable to read his tells. “That’s the voice you use to comfort your kids when they lose a fight.”

“I don’t – Harry, I’m sorry.”

“You’re not. I know I fucked up.”

“You’ve been drinking.” And because Liam is sad and lonely and it’s bloody freezing without his jacket on, he suggests, “Let’s have this conversation later.”

“Can we have a different conversation?” Harry’s voice is edged again. But it’s desperate and a bit hopeful and Liam knows where this is going.

Liam finishes off his second cigarette. “What do you want to talk about?”

“I miss your voice,” Harry starts. He takes a breath and then Liam hears the bed creak. “I miss when you’re the big spoon and I wake up with your morning wood up my ass.”

“Harry-”

“I miss, um, I miss kissing you. It’s been so long since we kissed.”

Liam considers hanging up the phone, but it is nice to hear that Harry misses him. His voice is soft and sweet, reminiscent and smooth like melted honey. Liam wants to soak it up and drown in it.

“Do you remember the last time we kissed?”

“It was so quick, Li. I didn’t – I took you for granted. I know that now.”

Liam swallows his embarrassment and glances around. He cuts into an alley and ensures that no one is hooking up or brawling.

“What are you wearing?”

“Liam Payne,” Harry tries to sound scandalized, but it comes out sounding fond instead. “You left a shirt in the hamper and it still smelled like you. I’ve been um – I’ve been wearing all your stuff.”

“That’s not-” One of Harry’s shirts sits at the bottom of Liam’s shoddy dresser. Liam chews his thumbnail. “I can’t do this right now. We should talk when you’re sober.”

“Okay.” Harry shudders out a breath. “Why did you call? Earlier.”

“Oh. Um, you didn’t Skype me this weekend. You said you would.”

“I forgot.” Harry sounds dangerously close to crying. “Fuck, Li I forgot.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not. We should talk. Soon though.”

“Alright.” Liam emerges from the alley and sees Andy pressing Daisy against the wall, kissing.

“Alright.”

“Night Haz.”

\---

\---

All prams look the same.

That’s what Liam has deduced after three hours of shopping for baby carriages with Nicola and Ruth. When he had initially agreed to accompany them, it was because he had the afternoon off and figured that spending time with his sisters would be fun.

It was, but then Nicola got frustrated with the quality in Wolverhampton and drove them all to Birmingham to look at the expensive shop her husband had gotten Toby’s pram from. Liam doesn’t understand why Ruth can’t just borrow that one, but apparently it has something to do with Nicola’s friend in Essex and a falling out on Facebook. Liam doesn’t really understand. He doesn’t really care, either. He reads the latest text message that Harry has sent him.

_I also ate a matcha donut today… It tasted exactly like green tea!_

Liam tries not to gag. _**Disgusting! What did Gemma get?**_

_A bacon flavoured one. It had pistachios…_

_**That sounds questionable. What kind do you think I would have had?** _

“Liam, you’re not even listening.”

“I am,” Liam argues. Nicola’s giving him a look that is frighteningly similar to the one Karen has given them. “Something about Toby and sports.”

“ _No_ ,” Nicola sighs. She flips her pin straight hair over her shoulder and picks up a tiny little dungaree. “We were talking about Keith’s back.”

Liam is hardly able to resist rolling his eyes. He likes Nicola’s husband well enough, but Keith is 13 years older than Liam and, if Liam’s honest, he’s always felt a little out of his depths when they talk. Keith likes golf and watching the stocks – two things that Harry had always loved discussing with Keith.

“Did he throw it out again?”

“Yes,” Nicola sighs. “He was swinging Toby around and pulled something.” She gives the dungaree a distasteful frown before hanging it back on the rack. “He’s going to get it looked at or something.”

Liam nods, though Nicola’s not looking. The eight years between them is more evident now than it had been before. Nicola is modeled after Karen whereas Ruth is more like Geoff, though she’s not as closed off.

_Something gross. There was a chocolate donut with chocolate custard and chocolate caramel frosting with little bits of Crunchie pieces all over it._

_**That sounds delicious! Better than matcha you freak** _

Liam scrolls through his emojis until he finds the puking one.

“Anyway, I feel like we haven’t properly talked about what’s going on with you.”

The words make Liam clutch his mobile defensively and shoves his hands in his jacket pockets. Nicola’s still not looking at him, but her body is twisted in his direction. Ruth is off by the cloth nappies, like the traitor she is, but instead of looking at the nappies, she’s texting on her mobile.

“Like what?” Liam asks stupidly. His phone vibrates and he itches to answer it.

“You’re going through a divorce, Li. I couldn’t imagine what that must be like.”

“It’s not a divorce.” He wishes people would stop saying that. “It’s a separation and we’re figuring everything out.”

Nicola finally drags her eyes away from the clothing to fix him with a stern look. “Are you really? Think long term about this. You share a bank account, right?” Liam hesitantly nods his head. “Well he could just dip into that whenever he wants.”

“He wouldn’t.” Liam says with certainty. It’s not as though all of their money is pooled together either. They have their own accounts and then they have one bank together. That’s it. Just one. Liam is totally and completely in charge of his money. And Harry still inputted his 15% into the account after his pay cheque. Liam kept his mouth shut against that though.

“Well I’m just saying.” Nicola looks at ingredients from some expensive looking baby food. “You can’t know for sure what he’s doing. He’s there by himself and he has access to every single thing. He’s at home with the rest of your stuff. How do you know he’s not going to throw it all out?”

Irritation thunders through Liam’s veins. “I know him Nic, he wouldn’t.”

His phone vibrates twice more. It’s no doubt Harry defending his donut decision and then telling Liam about the rest of his manicure/pedicure/yoga day with his sister. For once, Liam finds that he wishes he was spending the day in Harry’s shoes. It’s better than the surveying glances Nicola keeps sending him.

Nicola shrugs and changes the topic just in time for Ruth’s return. “Anyway, I’m not seeing anything here, Roo, should we move on?”

It’s another four stores and two hours until they head back. Liam’s stomach is full of pad Thai and the iced coffee he treated himself to for the ride back. Ruth sits in the backseat, asleep from the journey, with her seatbelt around her stomach and her head against the window.

Ruth’s stomach has gotten huge. It’s round and solid, save for when the baby kicks. It’s exhilarating to feel the life that lies within her and Liam never goes to bed without asking to feel her stomach and giving her a tight squeeze. They don’t often see each other during the day, so it’s nice to sit, watch a movie, and just chill with someone that doesn’t expect anything from him.

Roo doesn’t lecture him like Nicola always has and she doesn’t put on an act in the same sense that Karen does. She doesn’t expect to hear about how successful his business and half the time they quietly sit side by side while watching reruns of _The IT Crowd_. Liam loves Louis, but every conversation seems to be tainted with Louis acting as if Harry was dead to him and conversations with Sophia are clouded with pity. Liam loves how his sister makes him feel normal.

“You’re doing that frowny face again.”

Liam tugs his beanie off his head and musters a smile directed at his older sister. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, just-” Nicola cuts herself off. The traffic on the motorway is unusually thick for a Thursday. “I know I’ve been a hard arse this trip, but it really is out of genuine concern.”

“I know,” Liam mutters. His phone has vibrated in his pocket four times since they got in the car. They’re nearly home now.

“It’s just that I worry, alright? You never take the easy path and I don’t want you to have to go through anything harder.”

“I know,” Liam repeats.

Nicola turns off the motorway and glances back at Ruth. “I remember what it was like okay? Ruth… not so much. She was too boy crazy when you were going through your whole,” Nicola waves her hand around vaguely, “bullying and boys thing. Then how you broke up with Sophia and, to top it all off, you were having a tough time with Louis being an arse.”

Liam laughs, remembering late night Skype calls ranting about how annoying Louis was.

“When you got with Harry, we were all happy.” Liam snorts, unable to contain it. “Mum loves Harry. She just had this idea that you and Sophia would be married and have babies and stay in Wolverhampton forever.” _Like you_ , Liam thinks. “You were bad after you broke up with Soph. None of us want to see you like that again.”

“You won’t,” Liam ensures. “I promise. And we’ve been talking all day.”

Nicola nods, but doesn’t say anything else.

Liam thanks the heavens that they’re pulling onto Ruth’s street.

\---

Widow’s eye is the first thing that Liam sees when the Skype call connects.

“There’s my angel,” he coos from behind Schnapps head. Schnapps gives a hearty bark when Harry moves the cat backwards to reveal his face.

“H _i_ ,” Harry smiles and shit, Liam’s missed him.

His hair is up in a bun and his face is flushed. His annoyingly straight teeth are framed by his pink and puffy lips. Liam sees he’s wearing one of Liam’s old shirts from uni and his heart melts a little bit more.

“Hey,” Liam grins. He drags his eyes back up to meet Harry’s on the screen and is met with a grin from his husband. Widow bats at Harry’s face with one of her paws and tries to wiggle out of his grasp.

“Say hi to daddy Widow,” Harry chastises. Widow smacks her paw against Harry’s cheek again. He fixes her with a stern look, though it doesn’t stop her from doing it again.

“Let her go, Haz.”

“Fine.” Harry sighs and his face is jostled in the frame as he maneuvers her around the laptop. “She won’t cuddle me anymore.”

“She never cuddled you to begin with.” Liam pats Schnapps head and brings the dog’s head back into the picture. “That was Schnapps.”

“I can’t believe my two favourite cuddlers have left me.” Harry huffs and crosses his arms. He looks adorable. It’s been so long since Liam has seen his face and heard him this animated. It reminds him of when they started dating and Skyped over the summer holidays. They would stay up for ages until their eyes hurt and their stomachs were aching from laughter. “Your hair looks longer.”

Liam runs his hand through his hair self-consciously. “Was thinking of getting a trim.”

“Nah. You look good.”

Liam ducks his head and blushes. It’s absolutely ridiculous that his heart gives a little kick. It’s just that he’s forgotten what it was like to chat with him. Schnapps gives a couple of great woofs when Harry starts laughing at him.

“God, I miss you.”

“I miss you,” Liam responds.

“Really?” Harry asks. “It’s so quiet without Schnapps scratching at our bedroom door. The house feels so empty too.”

“Widow doesn’t come out?”

“Oh, did I not send you this picture?” Harry grabs his phone and starts scrolling through it as he says, “Widow was lying in Schnapps doggy bed.”

“Schnapps hasn’t lied in that bed for months.”

“He’s a cuddler like his daddy,” Harry says proudly. He turns the phone over to show the picture to Liam. Widow’s black furry body is curled up in the middle of Schnapps bed. She’s clearly asleep and Harry swipes the phone to an attempt of a selfie of him with the cat. Half of Harry’s eye and his forehead are in the screen with half of Widow’s sleeping body. In the next one Widows awake and batting at the side of Harry’s face. It’s blurry and a tad frightening, but Harry’s smiling madly when he tosses his phone onto the sofa beside him.

“Those were cute,” Liam laughs. “She seems extra vicious lately.”

“Oh, she is.” Harry uses his thumbnail to scratch at the corner of his lips. It’s a nervous tick that has always turned Liam on an inexplicably insane amount. “I think she doesn’t like me intruding on her space.”

“She has always liked her room.”

“No I mean I’ve been staying home a lot more lately.” Liam listens carefully as Harry chooses his words. “I know it was a bit of a problem between us that I was going out so much. So, I have been trying to work on that. I don’t need to be going to the pub all the time and the boys all understand that I’ve got some things going on to work out.”

Liam tries to muster a smile. It’s hard when Harry makes it sound as if he’s sacrificing something. Especially, since it was Liam that had been staying home for so long throughout the summer and Liam had to cancel plans with Louis to ensure that their pets got taken care of. “That’s generous of them.”

“Don’t – do-” Harry sighs heavily. “Do you wanna talk about us a bit?”

“Sure,” Liam agrees. He hides his hands under his thighs so Harry can’t see the shake in them. It’s completely different texting or chatting on the phone to work out some of their issues. Seeing Harry’s face and being vulnerable to Harry seeing him like that brings another depth of worry.

“There’s just some things I want to know and it would mean a lot if you would tell me.”

“Okay.”

Harry sets the laptop onto the coffee table and reaches out of frame to bring a mug to his lips. He smacks his lips together before placing it back and rubbing his hands on the tops of his thighs. Liam watches Harry’s face wobbles as he resets his laptop on his knees.

“Alright so,” Liam can tell that Harry is looking at his reflection on the screen instead of at Liam’s face. “I was just curious when you starting thinking about a separation.”

“A separation,” Liam repeats. It’s a relief that they’re on the same wavelength. Too many people have been calling this a divorce, despite everything that Liam has said. “Um. Just after our anniversary.”

“This year?”

“Yes, this year. I didn’t – I don’t know. It just sort of… happened. I don’t know how to explain it.”

“Try,” Harry asks. Liam glances up to see that he has Harry’s full attention and he stumbles over the clatter of words jumping around his brain. He doesn’t want to be insensitive, but he doesn’t want to skirt around this either.

“I just woke up one day and realized that we weren’t even talking to each other. We were roommates instead of husbands. But I wasn’t even concerned or scared about it. I was neutral about it and _that_ is what scared me. Because,” memories of shaking hands and tentative kisses, red-tipped noses and the thrill of seeing Harry in his rugby jersey flash before Liam’s eyes, “We always talked to each other about everything and I couldn’t remember the last time we had just sat on the sofa and talked until we couldn’t keep our eyes open.”

Harry’s staring at him with his mouth slightly agape. “Li-” Harry stops himself. He presses the heels of his hands into his eyes and gives a deep inhale.

Liam craves a smoke or a punching bag – anything to release some nervous energy. “I didn’t mean that to sound accusing.”

When Harry finally lifts his head again he seems more composed. “No, I know.” Harry twists his wedding ring on his finger. “I kind of… I noticed that too? But I thought that it was mutual. Like, we were both busy with work.”

“I was home though. You went out every night.”

“Not every night,” Harry corrects lowly.

“Okay, not every night, but enough nights. Harry, you went out so much that it felt like I was taking a backseat to your career.”

“It wasn’t so often. I have paperwork to do, Liam. I have to input shit into the computer.”

Liam goes to roll his eyes, but he stops himself at the last moment. Easily angered, he takes a deep breath and remembers that this is a conversation, _not_ an argument. “I’m telling you how I felt.”

“And I’m telling you what happened. You weren’t innocent in this either. You spent a lot of time at the gym when I got my promotion and before that you were planning the renovations.”

“That’s my business, Harry.” Liam’s voice has gone hard, but it is genuinely not his fault. Harry _knows_ how hard he worked to get the gym off the ground. He knows how many sleepless nights he’s had thinking about how quickly the gym could hurtle downhill. Harry had always been encouraging and warm. He provided reassurances kissed into his skin and gentle hands soothing his rigid back. It’s not fair for Harry to throw that in his face right now.

“And this is my career, Liam.” Harry rubs his knuckle into his eye then stares at Liam on the screen. “Stop making that face.”

Liam smooths out his frown and tilts the computer screen down. “I’m not making a face.”

“You’re making your grumpy face when you think I’m being unfair. I’m not being unfair.”

Liam doesn’t say anything. He focuses his attention on Schnapps even though he knows it’s petulant and immature.

“Liam, come on. Look at me.” Liam lifts his eyes to his husband’s face. The device affords him some space, but not much. Liam feels as vulnerable as if he was sitting across from Harry. “I don’t like anything about this situation. Being away from you is absolute shit and I hate that this is what our relationship has come to. But if it makes us talk about the problems we have with each other and if it brings us back together, then I don’t care. I’ll listen to everything you have to say, even if it hurts my feelings and I don’t agree with it.”

“I’ll try to do the same. I shouldn’t – I shouldn’t have gotten defensive.”

“It’s okay. I love you.” Harry ducks his head as soon as he says it.

“Love you too,” Liam says. Schnapps gives a loud woof from beside him and Liam can’t help but laugh at him. Schnapps fur is long and golden, perfectly soft, but in need of a bath. “Schnapps does too apparently.”

“I miss him. I’ll need daily photo updates of him.”

Liam nods, mostly to himself. He’ll have to remember that. “Is Widow pooping regularly?”

Harry then enters into a long-winded story about the texture of Widow’s latest poop. The lock twists open in the door just as Harry’s finishing up a description of an odd clump of dirt he found matted into Widow’s fur.

“Hey,” Ruth greets. She tosses her purse by the shoes at the front door and toes out of her work shoes.

“S’that Ruth?” Harry asks before he’s hollering, “Hi Roo!” as loud as he possibly can.

Ruth waddles over to the sofa and all but falls into the cushions. “Hiya. You alright?”

“I’m good, yeah. You look beautiful. You’re glowing.”

“It’s the computer,” Ruth fusses, though she’s red in the cheeks. “S’distorting my figure.”

“Nah. You look beautiful.” Harry clasps his hands in front of him and sits up straighter. “Is Liam taking proper care of you?”

“Oh of course. Four course meals and daily foot rubs.”

Liam gags beside his sister before she takes him down into a headlock. “You’re barely home! She’s working too much Harry, tell her to stop.”

“Ruth, stop. Find a rich older man and become a sugar baby.”

“What like Nic?” Ruth teases. Liam smacks a hand over his mouth and stares at his sister. Harry’s loud clapping snaps through the room along with his laughter. “What!? We were all thinking it. And I don’t know how many sugar daddies are into pregnant women.”

“You’d be surprised.” Harry wiggles his eyebrows.

“Oh you’d know, wouldn’t you?” Liam pipes up.

“Mhmm. S’how I rake in the dough for us.” Harry laughs and mimes flipping his hair with a shoulder shimmy.

\---

Liam’s in the middle of teaching one of the students how to properly form a fist when his phone begins to ring in his pocket. It’s loud even over the music the boys year ten class has pounding through the sound system. Liam’s not one to answer his phone at work – it’s usually on silent and no one calls him much anyway – so he sends an apologetic smile to the teacher and slips out.

Liam ducks his head as he stands against the wall outside. It’s not too chilly out, but it is quite a bit colder than the gymnasium had been. “Hello?”

“Harry had lunch with Briana and Meg today!”

“What?”

“Harry! He had – he had _lunch_ with Meghan and Briana.”

Liam tries not to laugh despite the bizarre situation. “What in the world are you talking about?”

“Briana dropped Meg off because she had a half-day at school and as soon as Bri left, Meg said she had lunch with Uncle Haz and mummy,” Louis rambles. “Then Meg starts asking me if the baby was Harry’s because two men can’t make babies.”

“You’re kidding me. That’s hilarious.”

“Liam! I don’t think you understand that our exes had lunch together and failed to inform us. I thought you said you were talking to Harry regularly.”

“Briana’s not your ex,” Liam points out, ignoring the second half of what Louis’ said.

“When you fuck and have a child then you’re not with someone anymore, they’re your ex.”

“Not if you’re having another child and seeing how things go.”

Louis huffs on the other side of the line. Liam smirks in victory. For all Louis complains about Meg’s growing attitude and his befuddlement towards where she has picked that up, his attitude is just as snarky.

Beeps sound from Liam’s mobile and when he checks he sees that it’s Harry. “Um, Harry’s calling me mate. I’ve gotta answer it.”

“Liam Payne, don’t you dare-”

“Hey Haz.”

“Did you know Briana’s pregnant?”

Liam does his best to keep his voice even when he responds, “Louis’ Briana?”

“You did!” Harry gasps. “I can tell. Your voice did that weird thing at the end when you pretend that you’re not lying.”

“I never lied.”

“So you knew.” Humour is striped from Harry’s voice as he speaks. He sounds betrayed somehow.

“Were you going to tell me you went to lunch with her?”

“It was an hour ago! Don’t make it into something you know it isn’t. I was getting Ruth some baby gifts and ran into Briana. So you can imagine my surprise when Meg pops up and tells me that her mum’s pregnant and that you get to be the Godfather again when I could have _sworn_ that Louis promised me that title if he ever had a second child.”

Liam tries to process everything that Harry says. His first instinct is to say that Harry begged Louis into barely agreeing, but that doesn’t seem like it will win him any brownie points. “How did that result in lunch?”

“ _Liam_. You’re missing the point.” A group of year seven girls that Liam recognizes run past him in their gym kit. “But because you’re incapable of listening to anything else; I hadn’t had lunch and neither had they and Meg wanted pizza so we got pizza.” Another group passes, waving this time to which Liam reciprocates. “And before you ask it wasn’t planned despite whatever Louis says.”

“I haven’t talked to Louis.”

“I know you’ve talked to Louis because he just texted me for the first time in weeks to tell me that I don’t get to be the Godfather because I’m a traitor.”

“What?” Liam’s concerned now. He knows Louis was upset, but he didn’t think that Louis would do anything to intentionally hurt him. “What did he say?”

“Apparently Meg told him that she wants me to be her new dad because I let her have a sweet from my pocket.”

Liam breathes a sigh of relief. “Oh, Louis is going to kill you.”

“I could take him.”

“Most definitely. Don’t know if you’d get that Godfather title now though.”

Harry grumbles on the other end. Liam’s missed this banter. It’s easy. He can pretend that he’s standing outside of his gym and they’re arguing over who has to go grocery shopping. “I better. There’s no way you get two and I get none.”

“You could always ask Niall.”

“Niall is seeing that girl, Maria.”

“Mariah, Harry,” Liam corrects gently. She was at Niall’s birthday party after all. She tried for all of a minute to get Niall to stop stripping atop of the coffee table, but it was to no avail. Liam did get some brilliant blackmail out of it though.

“That’s what I meant. Anyway, I’ve got to go.”

“Alright, I should too.”

For a moment, Liam thinks Harry is going to hang up, but he says, “Just-” they take a breath at the same time. “Would you have honestly kept that from me?”

“Honestly?” Liam pauses as if he can see Harry nodding his head. “If Louis didn’t want me to tell you, I probably wouldn’t have.”

Liam holds his breath and pinches his eyes shut. Harry doesn’t berate him like he expects. In fact, Harry doesn’t respond at all.

\---

“You didn’t tell him?” Sophia gapes when Liam tells her of the situation that night over milkshakes and burgers.

“I genuinely didn’t even think of it!” Liam defends. “We were talking about our relationship and Schnapps was being cute then Ruth came home and it slipped my mind.”

Sophia sets her burger down to give Liam a long look. There’s relish and mustard on the outer edge of her hands. “How did you not think to tell him that!?”

“I forgot! We were discussing things and – I don’t know! I honestly-” Liam sputters to find words when Sophia laughs at him. “I was distracted, Louis’ not talking to me either.”

“You’re an idiot. And Louis will get over it.” Sophia slurps her milkshake and Liam mirrors her. “You’re lucky Harry loves you so much. I would have yelled at you.”

“I would rather him yell at me. It’s been a day and he hasn’t talked to me.”

“Have you tried calling him?”

Liam picks the slice of tomato out of his burger. It’s more to avoid Sophia’s glare because he does truly like tomatoes in his burger. He’s willing to make the sacrifice if it gets Sophia off his back though.

“ _Liam_. ”

“God, don’t say my name like that. You sound all stern like my mum.”

“Well good. Smart woman, Karen is.”

Sophia bites into her burger and gets sauce all over her chin.

“She wants us to get back together. I’m fairly sure she thinks we’re dating again.”

“That’s your fault, not hers.” Sophia dabs her chin with her dirty napkin. The only thing it does is get bits of lettuce stuck to the sauce. Liam watches with thinly veiled disgust as she takes a large slurp of her blueberry milkshake. “How’s Ruth doing?”

“She’s good, yeah. She’s been strange though.”

“She’s pregnant, you git.”

Liam coats a chip in ketchup, but doesn’t eat it. “I mean that she’s been getting home later than usual and I know her work isn’t keeping her overtime.”

“What does she do?”

“She’s a receptionist. The office closes at five and last night she didn’t come home until eight and she said she wasn’t hungry.”

“She could have gone shopping? You said she still needed some stuff.”

Liam shakes his head. “I think she’s got everything. We went to the store the other day and stocked up on nappies and wipes and bottles and soothers and half the store. My mum loved it, but she kept yelling at Ruth to get off her phone.”

“Maybe she’s seeing someone.”

“She’s pregnant,” Liam points out with much the same tone as Sophia had given him earlier.

Sophia shrugs. “Pregnant people can date, y’know. It wouldn’t be that crazy to assume.”

“She’d tell me.” Liam’s certain. They eat in comfortable silence until their plates are nearly clean. “Did you want to come for a run with Schnapps and I tomorrow?”

“Of course.” Sophia looks delighted. “I wanna meet him. Why’d you name your dog Schnapps anyway?”

“It’s dumb.” Sophia glares at him and Liam gives in. He wipes his hand on his clean napkin as if it’s a grand story. “When Harry and I first started dating or whatever, I didn’t know we were dating. He’d come to the pub with the lads and he would walk me back to my dorm after practice, but I genuinely thought he was just being nice.” Sophia smirks and leans forward, burger abandoned. “We had um, we had just finished,” Liam waves his hand around.

“Fucking?” Sophia asks with a filthy grin.

“ _Yes_ ,” Liam sighs. “And we were bored so we decided to get drunk. All he had was peach schnapps so we did body shots off each other and got really terrible hangovers.”

“So you named your dog after a night of body shots and sex?”

“You make it sound so crass. We named him Schnapps because the next time we went to the bar Harry ordered peach schnapps on ice and – it’s dumb, I told you.”

“That’s so dumb,” Sophia snorts. She dips some sweet potato fries in vinegar. “But endearing.”

\---

It’s half two in the morning, but for some reason, Liam wakes up.

Schnapps is snoozing peacefully so he doesn’t need to go outside for a wee and Nicola’s door is closed shut with no light seeping through the bottom. Liam rolls over to face the opposite side of the sofa when a faint light shines behind him.

Liam’s first instinct is to tense up. But it’s not someone shining a flashlight through a window like he had feared.

It’s his phone, lit up to display that he’s got… three missed calls from Harry along with two accompanying voicemails. The screen darkens again and Liam does his best to roll and face the opposite side of the sofa. Liam had tried to reach out to Harry through phone calls and a couple of text messages. After going for a run with Sophia, they discussed which method would be most successful in getting Harry to talk to him again. Sophia had suggested space and time, but Liam was cursing that option.

He had thought things were finally looking up for him and Harry with their honesty pact, but that blew up in his face. Liam had even messaged Harry daily pictures of Schnapps like he said he would. Harry didn’t even have the courtesy to respond to those.

Liam succeeds in ignoring his phone for all of three seconds until curiosity gets the best of him.

He wants to know what the hell was so important for Harry to say that he had to call three times.

Of course, Liam should have known that the voicemails would be drunk. What he didn’t expect was for them to be weepy.

“Liam,” Harry slurs. “It’s me.” Harry’s voice echoes around him slightly. As if he’s in a loo somewhere. “M’out with the boys, but I couldn’t stop thinking ‘bout you. I don’t wanna go home. I don’t wanna go ho-” Harry hiccups, “-me and not cuddle you. I wanna fuck you. I wanna come home and fu-” another hiccup. Christ, Harry’s spectacularly smashed then. “Why did you leave me? You just left me. M’so lonely. I didn’t even want to go out, but I’ve been so sad. The boys said I was sad and I haven’t gone out since you left because I’ve been wearing your shirts at home. That didn’t make sense. You leaving me doesn’t either and-” Harry hiccups around a sob. Liam’s heart clenches painfully. Guilt and helplessness swim around his head until he’s dizzy from trying to think of how to make Harry feel better. “You’re my husband and you can’t even pick up the phone when I call. I’m so mad at you, you-”

The message ends abruptly. The mechanical voice starts asking Liam if he wants to delete or keep the message. He presses 9 without thinking, used to saving Harry’s usual messages of love and sweet-talking.

“Liam James Payne, I’m mad at you.” Liam lowers the volume when Schnapps stirs from his sleep. Harry’s words are drunk, but there are no tones of cutely tired drunkenness like the greeting from Harry’s first message. “You fucking bastard. You self-wanking, cock-sucking, arse-eating bastard. I’m so mad at you. You broke my fucking heart. I love you so much I can’t breathe. I’m so sad all the time. I’m so sad and I wish I knew how to box so I could kick your arse. If I had tried to learn how to box instead of trying to fuck you then I’d know. And you’d be sorry. You’d be-” Harry breaks out into a sob. Then another and another. It’s enough to have Liam worrying his lip. Thinking about where Harry was when he made the message and where he must be now.

Liam ends the message without thought and calls Harry back immediately.

Adrenaline pumps through his veins as he stands up and starts pacing. He makes sure to stay on the soft carpet as to not wake Schnapps. He shakes out the hand that isn’t holding the phone and swallows to dampen his dry throat. He hasn’t felt this at a loss for words since he found out he had to do a twenty minute presentation by himself in his third year of university. Harry had calmed him with kisses and gentle words until Liam was relaxed enough to compose a speech for it.

But Harry’s not here now. Liam’s reminded of that by the ringing and ringing and ringing down the line. He gets voicemail and calls the house phone, thinking that it’s only been seven minutes since Harry had called him. When that proves futile, Liam gets a glass of water. He’s too antsy to sleep now.

Liam grabs his headphones off the coffee table and sits up against the back of the sofa. He’ll watch one of the videos he has on his phone and wait a suitable amount of time before calling Harry’s mobile and their house phone.

Liam doesn’t even play a video. Instead, he stews with his hands over his stomach, thinking about what the hell Harry just said to him. Now that he’s able to think clearly, Liam replays the desperateness in Harry’s voice as he talked about fucking Liam. It’s classic drunk Harry; horny and wanting from Liam. Always wanting. It is how they started hooking up after all. It shouldn’t surprise Liam how much that hurts, but it does.

Then Harry’s words after; angry and accusing. As if Liam was the reason Harry was sad. Of course Harry can’t take responsibility for what he’s done to their relationship.

Liam doesn’t sit for long, because his phone lights up before he has a chance to think any longer. Bitterness is replaced with relief when he sees that Harry’s calling him.

“Harry-” Liam’s not even embarrassed by how panicked he sounds.

“It’s Xander.” Xander sounds slightly drunk, but that is often how Liam’s heard him. Aside from the first time they met, when Liam watched one of Harry’s team’s practices, Liam has only encountered him at a bar or the one team barbeque Liam attended in the summer.

“Oh,” Liam replies. He tries not to sound as shocked as he feels. “Is Harry alright? Where is he?”

“He’s in bed. We took a cab back to yours.”

“Why are you at my house?” Quick as a whip, Liam’s anger returns.

Xander scoffs. Liam admits that he does sound a tad accusing, but it’s three in the morning and he’d like to talk to his husband. Especially after the messages he received.

“I found Harry sitting on the bathroom floor. He wasn’t even in the stall and he was crying about how you wouldn’t pick up the phone.”

Liam lowers his voice to ask, “Is he awake?” He ignores the guilty churn of his stomach.

“Probably.”

“Can you check? I want to talk to him if he is.”

“Yeah, I – oh, he’s right here.”

Liam strains to hear what they’re talking about. He can’t make heads or tails of it, so he resigns to impatiently waiting.

“Li?” Harry’s drunk and tired; voice deep.

“Hey Haz,” Liam sinks into the back of the sofa with relief. “You scared me, y’know?”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Liam repeats dumbly. “Harry, you left me two drunken voicemails where you were angry and crying-”

“I know what I did. Thanks very much Liam.”

Liam tugs at the collar of his sleep shirt. Calling Harry back was idiotic, clearly. “You – Harry.”

“I don’t really want to talk about this. I’m tired.”

“You’re tired? Harry you woke me up!”

“Do you want an apology?”

Liam sputters. “Do I want – I want an explanation.”

“I was drunk, Li.”

“So you didn’t mean any of it? Like how you want to fuck me? Because that’s so typical Haz. That’s so typical of you to get drunk then come crawling-”

“Crawling!” Harry mocks. “Christ. You sure think highly of yourself.”

“Am I wrong? The only times we’ve had sex was when you came home from the bar smelling like beer and gin.”

“Well I’m sorry that was the only time I could get it up.”

Liam haults in his tracks. His sympathy for Harry’s drunkenness is eradicated now. “Oh nice, Harry. How charming.”

“It’s not like you wanted it! You were too busy with your precious gym.”

“I was getting renovations.”

“You weren’t physically renovating it. You could have been home and spent the morning with me before I went to work. But you didn’t. You didn’t choose me. And you’re not choosing me by running away.”

“What do you want me to say?” Liam grits. Liam can tell by Schnapps breathing pattern that he’s close to waking up. “That I’m sorry for trying to better my business? I thought you supported me.”

“Classic, Liam. You always do this y’know? You turn every situation around on me so that I’m the bad guy.”

“Well maybe you are the bad guy, Harry.”

“Y’know what?” Harry asks rhetorically. “I’ve spent the last twenty-three days obsessing over anything I could’ve done or said that would push you away. I’ve tried to think of ways I could get you to come back and talk this out.” Harry takes breath exhales shakily down the line. He sounds hard and angry when he grits out, “Now I’m starting to think it’s a waste of time.”

“Maybe it is a waste!”

“Fine.”

“Fine,” Liam says sternly; loudly.

He yearns for when he had a flip phone and could dramatically slam it shut. As it is, he aggressively presses the red end button until his phone returns to the contacts list.

He can’t go back to sleep.

\---

“Are you not going to eat your salad, Liam?”

Liam pokes the seaweed around with one of his chopsticks. He’s always been rubbish at using them and Harry has always teased him and Niall for the way they can’t seem to hold the two wooden sticks properly.

“It’s seaweed, though.” Liam manages to hook a strand of the seaweed and hold it up for his mum to see. Ruth snorts into her spoonful of miso soup.

Karen tuts at them and delicately eats a cucumber roll drowned in soya sauce. The gummy texture of the seaweed mixed with the sweet sauce and the garlic has never appealed to him. When he got bento boxes with Harry, he was always the one to eat Liam’s salad with eager grabs from his chopsticks.

“Liam, please.” Karen lifts her napkin to wipe at her mouth as if they are dining in a four star hotel rather than a family run Japanese restaurant.

Liam eyes the seaweed suspiciously and wishes, not for the first time since sitting down for lunch, that Harry was here. He would volunteer to eat it in a heartbeat and Liam could steal his deep-fried tofu when Harry claims that he’s full. It’s a thing they do whenever Harry orders the agedashi; Liam pretends that he hates the texture only for Harry to proclaim that he’s full. It leaves Liam to eat the remainder along with the sugary dipping sauce that Harry never touches.

“Liam,” Karen says again. When Liam jerks his head up, his mother is fixing him with a sour expression. “Joanie from the school told me that the kids think you’re a great teacher.”

“Oh. That’s nice.”

Karen smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “A woman in my book club is a secretary for the district. I could ask around about implementing more boxing units.”

Liam glances at his sister only to see that she’s on her phone. “I don’t know how much longer I’ll be staying.”

“Well, you’ve got to stay a while longer. I’ve barely seen you.”

 _I’ve seen you four times a week since I got here_ , Liam thinks. _You’re suffocating me_.

“Mum, I’ve got to go back at some point.”

“It’s been three weeks,” Karen snaps. _Twenty-four days_ , Liam corrects. “You’re never home anymore, Liam. You’re my only son; my baby boy.” Rice gets stuck to the back of Liam’s throat. It takes several swallows for him to muster a tight-lipped smile. “And your father was talking about having you over early on Sunday to rake up some of the leaves.”

“I can, yeah.”

“Ruth, can you eat some of your teriyaki and get off your phone.”

“S’giving me heart burn,” Ruth explains. She rubs at her heart painfully. “I’m going to go to the loo, actually.”

Liam picks up another California roll with his forefinger and thumb and dunks it into his soya sauce.

“So Liam. I was thinking that I would be nice if Sophia joined us on Sunday.”

“For supper?”

“I’m not going to make her rake the leaves,” Karen laughs. It’s far too high-pitched. Liam wonders if his mother’s laugh was always like this, but he couldn’t tell. “It will be like old times when you were a couple. Do you remember? Sophia would always come over and help make the puddings before you two would scurry to your room. Inseparable the two of you were.”

It was years ago, but Liam can remember it quite well. Looking back on it doesn’t bring him back the same elation as it clearly does for Karen. If Liam squints close enough, it looks as though her eyes are watering up.

“Why don’t you ask her?”

“Now?” Liam asks. He knows there’s a text message from her waiting in his inbox about going for another run, but he doesn’t exactly feel comfortable asking her when Karen is this hopeful.

“You said it yourself; you won’t be here much longer. It would be so nice for the two of you to spend more time together. I know she’s been so lonely since she broke up with her boyfriend.”

Now Liam knows for a fact that this is simply not true. Sophia’s barely mentioned her ex and it seems unlikely that Sophia would disclose that information to his mother.

“And her mum was saying that Sophia was thinking of moving to London. Wouldn’t it be lovely if the two of you ended up living together? Now, I know I was against it when you two were younger, but you’ve both grown up so much. And it’s really about time to start thinking about kids-”

“Mum,” Liam protests, overwhelmed.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Karen laughs that high-pitched laugh again and puts her hand to her heart. She doesn’t seem apologetic in the slightest. Liam can see Ruth coming back out of his peripherals. “You were just so in love.”

“That was years ago, mum.”

“Well it’s never too late.” Karen dabs her napkin at the corners of her mouth before sitting up proper.

“What?” Ruth says skeptically. She takes her seat next to Liam and stabs at his food.

“Nothing, darling.” Karen smiles and Ruth eyes Liam again. She knocks her knee against Liam’s under the table.

Ruth reaches over Liam to steal one of his shrimp tempura. She makes a big show of dipping it into the sugary dipping sauce before rubbing her stomach. “I think this food’s too acidic for me. My piss was burning.”

“Ruth,” Karen gasps, horrified. Ruth snickers and bumps her knee into Liam’s again.

Liam snorts despite himself. Karen glares at both her children before picking up her chopsticks and waving them around, muttering some form of a lecture.

\---

The first time Harry meets Liam’s parents is a complete accident.

They come down early for the last rugby game of the season and took Liam out for breakfast at one of the diners he frequented with Louis. He’s thankful his parents are only down for the day; long enough to have breakfast then watch the game when it starts at half two. His father understood that it’s important for Liam to bond with the team after the match despite a win or lose. Karen on the other hand, is hell bent on making Liam feel as guilty as possible.

“We can always rent a hotel and stay for the weekend sweetie.”

“Karen, the boy’s got to spend time with the team,” Geoff reasons, swiping his sausage through a broken egg.

Liam yearns for the fatty flavour of his father’s meal. The team is under direct order to eat loads of carbs and fruit instead of fatty bacon and sausages. “I’ve got to go out with the guys. It’s a tradition.”

“It’s team bonding,” Geoff explains further. He winks at his son from across the table.

“We made the trip all the way down here.”

It’s not the first time Liam’s mum has brought up the hassle of the trip to London. They left well early in the morning while Liam was still asleep; arms draped over Harry’s warm body. He had slipped out of Harry’s room after a long, drawn out kiss to shower and change before meeting his parents outside of his dorm room.

“I’m home in three weeks for summer hols,” Liam points out.

“How’s revising going?” His mum asks, ignoring him.

“Good,” Liam doesn’t mention how his marks took a slight dip until Harry started insisting that they go to the library together. It also helps that Harry rewards him with kisses and blowjobs every time he finishes an assignment. “I’ve made loads of flashcards.”

Karen beams and reaches across her crepes to squeeze her son’s hands. “I can’t wait to have you home. Will you be working at the old gym this summer?”

“I think so.” Liam shifts in his chair. He glances around the restaurant and waits until his father’s done chewing his bite. There is a smattering of students, but its early still – especially for ten in the morning. “Louis wants me to come up and visit him.”

“Where did you say he was from again?” Karen cuts her strawberry crepe carefully. Her knife scratches against the cheap plate.

“Doncaster,” Liam says around a mouthful of poached egg. Holmes Chapel could be a slight detour. Liam has time to warm his parents up to that idea though.

“We’ll have to see closer t-”

The door clangs open loudly followed by a wild laugh that Liam can’t help, but smile at when he hears.

“Leemo!” Niall has a snapback on backwards and a tank top on despite the chill in the late May air. He’s grinning madly at Liam, clambering around various chairs in an awkward beeline for him.

It’s not Niall that catches his attention though. It’s Harry moving behind him, looking sleepy and shy in his lilac jumper and tight blue jeans. He’s got a white shirt underneath that sticks out the collar and his hair’s tied up with a black and white marbled scarf. Liam regrets ever leaving him this morning.

“Nice to meet you. M’Niall.” Niall thrusts his hand to Liam’s parents and shakes them eagerly. Karen smiles and shakes his hand, remaining in her seat while Geoff dabs brown sauce off his face to stand up and shake both of their hands.

“This is my mum and dad. Mum, dad – these are my mates, Niall and Harry.” Liam presents, clapping Harry on the back. It sends Harry off kilter until he’s grabbing at the table for balance. His aim is off and he ends up sloshing some of Karen’s tea over the lip of her cup. Liam watches in what seems like horrified slow motion until his mother rights the cup.

She doesn’t shake his hand.

Liam’s fingers itch to tuck a piece of hair under Harry’s scarf. He digs his fingernails into his palm instead.

“Are you boys on the rugby team with Liam?” Geoff asks, resuming his seat.

“I was, but I’m off now.” Niall lifts his leg and shakes it around. “Got a bum knee.”

Geoff shakes his head and turns his eyes to Harry.

“I’m helping the team’s physiotherapist,” Harry explains. It’s not said with the same amount of pride as it usually is when Harry announces it to anyone he meets.

“I didn’t know they offered massage therapy at LCU.” Liam winces at his mother’s tone.

He winces again when he sees that the little smile Harry had on his face is slipped cleanly off. Harry’s blanched and nibbles on his bottom lip carefully. If there is one thing Harry hates it’s when people misconstrue physiotherapy for massage therapy. Liam has been subject to listen to multiple rants, both sober and intoxicated, on the frustration Harry endures when that occurs.

“They do,” Harry nods, “but I’m in physio.”

Niall laughs like it’s the funniest thing in the world. He looks a bit red in the face. It mirrors the heat rising on Liam’s own. He scratches the back of his neck and stares at his eggs. Harry would be proud of the eggs on spinach, multigrain toast with avocado, and bowl of fruit on his plate. His boyfriend doesn’t say anything, though.

They stand in uncomfortable silence for what seems like ages. Liam can feel Harry’s eyes on the side of his face, but Liam can’t find it in him to look back. He wants to time travel back to when he woke up to his loud alarm and Harry gently nudging him to turn it off, feels like a lifetime away. Liam wants to bury his nose into Harry’s tangled hair like he had in the morning and restart the day.

“It was nice meeting you,” Karen dismisses. “Maybe we’ll see you at the game.”

“I’ll see you in the locker room,” Niall grins, pulling Liam into a tight hug. He slaps between Liam’s shoulder blades. It causes a ripple of nausea to tingle up his esophagus.

“Thanks mate,” Liam laughs. “Harry,” Liam nods, unsure whether to embrace the hug Harry’s leaning in for.

Like a bleeding idiot, Liam snags one of Harry’s hands and brings him into an awkward pound hug. He feels Harry’s lips ghost on the cheek that his parents can’t see. Somehow, it makes him even sicker than before.

Liam sits back in his seat and picks up his fork and knife to resume his breakfast. He can’t help turning back to see where Niall and Harry have situated themselves. They’re both facing him; Harry has his face buried in his menu.

The meal passes without incident and when his father takes out some notes to slip under the receipt, he chances another glance back.

Niall has his usual whooping plate of full English breakfast with extra toast while it seems that the only thing Harry has is a coffee. Harry loathes coffee. He doesn’t like the way it tastes, or smells, or makes his fingers feel like they’re vibrating.

“Are you going to say bye to your mates, Li?” Geoff inquires.

“Um,” Liam bites his lip and shakes his head. “I’ll see them at the game.”

He holds the door open for his parents and shuffles out behind them. His mobile vibrates in his coat pocket, but he tries to remain engaged while his mother tells him about how Nicola’s pregnancy is coming along and how Keith’s mum isn’t contributing as much to the baby shower as Karen is. After three blocks of walking he finally gives in and takes out his phone.

_Thanks for saying goodbye._

_Actually, thanks for introducing me as your mate to your parents._

_I thought with the amount of time we spend with each other’s dicks in our mouths and the long chat we had after my birthday that we had mutually agreed to be in a relationship._

_My mistake though._

Liam resists rolling his eyes against Harry’s dramatics.

_**Don’t be crude. Then because that doesn’t quite summarize how much Liam’s stomach is churning, he adds, You could have corrected me.** _

The reply is instantaneous.

_You said you were out to them. I figured you would have told them we were dating._

_Especially after our conversation at xmas when you said that you wanted to be more open with them._

_And Ruth knows because we’re Facebook friends._

“Who are you texting?” Karen pries. Liam doesn’t shield his phone, but he does lock it and place it back in his pocket.

“A mate,” he deflects.

“Is it Sophia?”

“No mum,” Liam sighs. “Soph and I broke up a year ago. I think she’s seeing someone.” _I’m seeing someone too_ , Liam thinks.

“Well whoever it is can wait. It’s not every day I get to spend time with my baby.” Liam grins, allowing his mother to pull him into a hug in the middle of the pavement.

It comes to a head when they get back to Liam’s dorm. As far as his understanding is, his other two roommates aren’t home and it’s only Louis. He’s lounging on the sofa eating three dry slices of toast in week-old joggers and a university jumper with a beer stain on it. He manages to charm his parents the same way he had when they picked Liam up for his winter holiday break.

“I’m gonna use the loo,” Liam says to no one in particular. He can hear Louis talking about his siblings as he retreats.

He rings Harry as soon as twists the lock. For good measure, he runs the tap as well.

“Hey _mate_ ,” Harry grits.

“Hey.” Then because Liam’s an idiot, he tacks on, “It’s me.” When he’s met with silence Liam taps his blunt fingernails against the sink. “I know I fucked up at the restaurant.”

“You can say that again,” Harry snorts.

Although Harry isn’t trying to engage him in a game of replay, Liam still says, “I know I fucked up at the restaurant.”

“I’m not going to forgive you just because you apologize,” Harry explains. “We talked about this, Li. I thought we were on the same page.”

“We are.”

“We’re not.” Harry lets out an irritated noise. The sound of a door opens and shuts. Liam can imagine that he’s just gotten home. It’s embarrassing to think that Niall would have heard Harry’s side of their argument. He’s heard much worse though, Liam’s sure. “First it was that Halloween party when you didn’t introduce me to any of your friends-”

“We weren’t properly together.”

“We just hadn’t talked about it,” Harry argues. “Then there was winter hols when you didn’t want to meet my mum when she picked me up.” Liam holds back everything he wants to say. “Then during winter break when you kept avoiding my calls. And I know we talked it out and everything and said we were making a proper go of things, but you were so awkward when my sister came to celebrate my birthday with me.”

“She was staying with you,” Liam says quietly, ashamed.

“She was staying on the sofa. And I had already told her about my fit boyfriend who would most definitely be sleeping in my bed and having loud sex with me.”

“Harry-”

“You didn’t want to come home with me for half term, which I get, but it’s almost June and then I won’t see you for three months.”

“I’ll come to visit.”

“And what will you tell your parents?” Harry challenges. “That you’re visiting Louis?” Liam stares at himself in the mirror. He looks terrible; he feels worse. “You said your parents know you’re bi.”

“They do.”

Harry sighs then says very gently, “Are they homophobic?”

“No.”

“Then the only other plausible explanation is that you don’t want to be with me.”

“I do,” Liam explains. “I just don’t know what to say.”

“We can skip the big party after you win. We can go out for dinner with your parents and I can meet them for real.”

As lovely as that sounds, Liam is not convinced that that would go smoothly. Especially when they’re both expected to drink their height in beer cans.

“I’m not sure-”

“Y’know what then Liam? I think I need a break.”

“Harry-”

“I try so hard with you,” Harry says angrily. “You know I’ve never been in a serious relationship before and I still told my mum about you, still introduced you to all of my friends even though they’re older, and I still held your hand proudly wherever we went. I never shied away from you and I’ve told you that I understand that you don’t like PDA, but this isn’t about that.”

“Harry. Don’t do this, come on. I’ll tell my parents.”

“I don’t want to pressure you. The last thing I want is to push you into something you’re not ready for. _You’re_ the one who asked me to be your boyfriend. I waited for _you_ to make the first move after Christmas. I don’t know how many ways I can tell you I want to be with you.”

Liam tries one desperate and sad, “Harry”, but he’s already hung up.

Liam has to endure an awkward pregame locker chat, a grueling two and a half hour rugby game, and scores three conversions before he can confront Harry about this correctly. It happens when their team captain is lifting the trophy victoriously over his head while everyone showers multi-coloured Gatorade around them. Liam spots Harry lagging by the team benches, pretending to tie up his shoe. In a reckless act of courage, he gathers Harry up in his arms, planting a big fat kiss on his lips.

\---

Liam throws the tennis ball long and far for Schnapps. The golden retriever takes off running; mud around his paws and ears flapping.

“You seem out of it.” Sophia breaks the silence between them. She hands Liam a water bottle and sits down on the bench. “Everything alright?”

“Sure,” Liam pats the top of Schnapps head and grabs the ball from between his teeth. He tosses the ball farther than before and bends at the waist to try and touch his knees. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“For one, you’ve barely said anything all day. For another you’ve had a scowl on your face the entire time.”

“I’m focused.” To prove his point Liam attempts to make the face she’s speaking of.

“That’s not the same. You’re moping and deflecting.” Sophia points out. She readjusts her headband and fixes Liam with a glare. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong or should I guess?”

Liam rubs Schnapps cheeks then runs his hands through Schnapps ears until he can gently tug at the ends. Schnapps backs up and shakes out.

“Not much to talk about. Harry and I got in an argument.”

“Another one?”

Liam shakes his head. He feels like an idiot. “Y’know what? I don’t even want to talk about it. All we do is talk about my marriage and its shit. It’s not fun.”

“I don’t think separating is supposed to be fun.”

“Thanks Soph.” Liam chases Schnapps for a couple of feet before wiping his forearm against his sweaty head. “I’m done dwelling on it.”

Sophia is quiet for such a long time that Liam turns around to make sure she’s still there. She looks sympathetic and a bit sorry for him.

“How are you supposed to work this out then? If you ignore him.”

“I’m not ignoring him.”

“You’re such an arse. You know what I mean.”

Liam worries his bottom lip, but doesn’t say anything else. He hasn’t thought past his blinding anger.

Thankfully, Sophia can read his body language well enough to suggest, “Want to get drunk at mine, tonight?”

\---

Liam _loves_ gin.

He really, really loves gin.

He especially loves it with the sparkling lemon juice Sophia’s mixing it with and the crushed up mint leaves that she added for garnish. He’s thankful the work week is over, but dreading Sunday roast at his mother’s in a few short days. He tries not to think about it as they make their way through _Bridget Jones’s Diary_ and _Made in Manhattan_. They’re halfway through _You’ve Got Mail_. On screen, Joe has brought a sick Kathleen flowers.

“I fucking hate men.” Sophia declares. She clinks their glasses together before sipping from the twisty straw.

Her apartment is just on the other side of town with some of the newer developments. She lives far enough from Liam that he had to drive over, leaving Schnapps under Ruth’s watchful eye. Sophia’s flat is small, but it’s no larger than the flat he shared with Harry in his last year of school. He remembers how nervous Harry had seemed when he asked if Liam wanted to live together. With only a handful of hesitancy, Liam agreed and they found a place to move into with minimal difficulty. Their flat was decorated outrageously with a lot of photo frames of the happy couple and loads of photographs of their respective families. They had a small bedroom and an even smaller bathroom, with a refrigerator shoved into corner beside some countertops. It wasn’t the most spacious of places, but it was theirs and Liam loved it.

“I swear every fucking man I dated broke my heart.”

“I didn’t,” Liam protests. “You broke up with me.”

“Oh yeah.” Sophia laughs and squeezes Liam’s forearm. “I did, didn’t I?” She laughs and drains her drink before reaching for her water bottle. “At least you met Harry.”

“Harry’s being a dick.”

Sophia tucks her feet under her bum and twists so she’s facing Liam. She’s got her arm propped up on the back of the sofa and it pushes her breasts together. If they were even remotely interested in each other, this could be a very, very different night.

“Liam,” Sophia says gingerly. She stops and puts her water on the table. “What were you expecting by coming here?”

“What?”

“From coming here. What did you want?”

Liam feels under the microscope. “Some space.”

“Space, okay. You’ve been here for almost a month… have you gotten that?”

Sheepishly, Liam shrugs. Sophia keeps looking at him with pity and confusion. He feels under the microscope; hot beneath his sweater.

“It’s less than two weeks to Halloween… Are you staying here for that?”

“I haven’t thought about it.”

“Nicola’s due a couple days after that.”

Liam glares at Sophia and sucks the rest of his drink through his straw. It makes a retched slurping sound.

“Soph,” Liam whines petulantly. “I just want to get drunk. I don’t want to talk about this.”

“We’ve got to talk about it Li. You’re miserable.”

“I can’t stop thinking about our last conversation,” Liam finally admits. It brings an unexpected lump to his throat. Jesus, he’s drunk. He wants to kiss Harry and run his fingers down Harry’s hair. He wants to twirl the curly ends around his fingers and tug. He wants to touch Harry’s warm skin and mouth at the thin patches of Harry that adorn his body. He just wants his husband.

He hadn’t thought he said it aloud, but Sophia fixes him with a frown and pats his arm. “I know you do, babes. You’ll talk to him soon though, alright?” Liam nods and tilts his head back. He wants more – no he _needs_ more to drink; anything to get the image of Harry out of his head. “Want to talk some more about it?”

“You pumped me full of alcohol and now you’re trying to get me to talk about my feelings,” Liam accuses.

Sophia shrugs and grabs their glasses. “Stay here and think. I’m refilling us.”

Liam tips over sideways in Sophia’s absence. He tosses his legs over the arm of the sofa and clasps his hands over his stomach. Unsure of what he’s meant to think about, Liam looks around the room.

He tries to picture what it would have been like if this was the flat they shared together. They were together such a long time ago – _7 years_ , Liam reminds himself – that every scenario he dreams up seems awkward and stilted. Their relationship was so young and naïve; nothing like the obstacles he faced with Harry. The hardest decision him and Sophia had to make was where they were going to school and if they were going together. Granted, that seemed like the end of the world in the moment, but it was nothing compared to the terrifyingly adult decisions he’s made with Harry.

“What are you thinking about?” Sophia asks, placing their drinks on her table. She’s got a bag of crisps tucked under her arm that Liam greedily opens. He wonders briefly, if this is how their nights would have ended up had they stayed together. She lifts Liam’s feet and sits down.

“Why did you break up with me?”

“Break – Liam, that was so long ago.”

“So? We never talked after you called and broke up with me.”

“That – Do you actually want to know? Because we’re friends now and I have absolutely no problem telling you, but I don’t know if you’ll like it.”

Liam shrugs and grabs a handful of crisps. They’re salt and vinegar which isn’t his favourite.

“I just felt… pressured? We had been together for three years and it seemed like everyone expected us to get married and have kids, y’know?”

“I didn’t think that.”

“I know you didn’t.” Sophia grabs some crisps before confessing, “Your mum had made some comments though.”

“My mum?” Liam asks.

Sophia hums and munches on her snack. “She just like. I don’t know. There were a few mentions of marriage and children and what was I supposed to do about that? We were children ourselves Li.”

“That doesn’t mean that you should have broken up with me,” Liam says, annoyed. “I would have talked to her.”

Sophia snorts and shakes her head. Liam has the beginnings of a headache coming on, so like the responsible, level-headed adult he is, he drinks half of his mixed drink. It’s far stronger than it had been the first time.

“It’s nice that you believe that, but you wouldn’t’ve.”

“Well how do you know?” Liam accuses.

“Because you’re a pushover and Karen lives to coddle you. You’ve never been able to stand up against your mum.” Taken aback by Sophia’s honesty, Liam doesn’t refute her point. “You always did things to please your parents and that’s why we got together, right?”

“Soph,” Liam says helplessly.

“You loved me, I know you did. And I loved you too. But we probably wouldn’t have gotten together if you hadn’t been trying to please them, right?” Sophia looks nonthreatening as she drinks and Liam can honestly say that she’s not being malicious.

“Subconsciously, maybe? I did fancy you loads though.”

Sophia beams and pats Liam’s foot. “See! You’re able to problem solve. So problem solve your marriage.”

“That was sneaky,” Liam accuses. “But that’s different because you can actually tell me when I’ve fucked up.”

“You’re a pushover and you don’t stand up to your mum. Think of times when you never stood up for Harry.”

Liam opens his mouth to tell Sophia off, because _thank you very much_ he _always_ stands up for Harry. But then he thinks about the first year of their relationship and all the times they travelled from London to Manchester to visit Harry’s family without seeing the Payne’s. After Liam’s third year of university, Harry had properly visited his family only to sleep on the mattress and sleeping bag his mum had set up in the living room. He thinks about the shocked look Karen had given him when Harry proposed to him in their garden. All the times that Karen made a fuss about Liam not visiting muddles with the tearful phone messages Karen always leaves on his birthday.

“Okay, so there have been a few times.”

“Write them down,” Sophia encourages. She digs around one of the baskets underneath her coffee table until she extracts a pen and pad of paper.

“I don’t think I can write. I’m too drunk,” Liam defends. His L looks like a backwards J.

“Make a list, come on. What you’ve done wrong and what he’s done wrong.”

Liam rolls his eyes, but does as he’s told.

By the time his list is completed, Liam can’t help but think that Harry’s side is much more weighted. Liam reaches for his newly topped off drink and takes an eager sip before resting his head against the headrest. His tongue is numb.

“Let me glance at your list, I won’t snoop.” Sophia peeks over Liam’s arm and nods. “It’s good that you’ve got some things for you. I didn’t think you would.”

“I’m capable of recognizing my faults.”

“Does Harry know that?” Sophia snorts.

Indignant, Liam scours for his phone. It’s wedged between two cushions. He squints at the screen until he selects Harry’s name.

_**I made alst with sopiha and we needto takl** _

\---

The last thing on Liam’s mind is his text message to Harry.

He wakes up on Saturday with a killer hangover and a mouth so dry it feels like he’s licked an entire stick of deodorant. Sophia makes toast and runny eggs while Liam sucks through a cigarette on the balcony. It at least gets rid of some of his headache.

“That’ll kill you,” Sophia warns. Liam makes a face and follows her back into her kitchen. She sets a full plate of food in front of him. There’s even some potatoes and bacon on the plate, though the bacon is exceptionally burnt.

It’s nothing compared to what Harry has made him after hangovers, but it does the job. Liam feels minutely more human after they watch another rom-com and drink through a couple pots of tea.

“Tomorrow at your mum’s should be interesting.” Sophia has her head down as she scrolls through something on her phone. Sophia’s feet are tucked in beneath her bum and she’s leaning on the opposite arm of the sofa from him. They’ve been lethargic all day and Liam has no intention of moving any time soon. He does manage to hum in acknowledgment, but he doesn’t take his eyes off the television.

“Especially since she thinks we’re together,” Sophia tacks on.

“She doesn’t think that,” Liam argues.

“Have you asked her what she thinks?”

“No.”

Sophia rolls her eyes an extraordinary amount. Her hair is up in a messy bun and she has smudges of mascara underneath her eyes. Sophia never let Liam see her without makeup when they were dating. Now, it’s a rarity of Liam sees her with it.

“She knows though Soph. I’m still with Harry.”

Sophia snorts, but doesn’t say anything further.

“What?” Liam demands, finally turning to face her.

Sophia shakes her heads and puts up her hands. She looks like she still has something to say though.

“No come on, tell me.”

“It’s not a big deal Liam. It’s just that-” Sophia turns off the telly and then flips so she’s sitting on her bum and facing Liam. “You always just let Karen think whatever she thinks.”

“Okay,” Liam says slowly.

“No, like-” Sophia fixes her socks and wipes at her eyebrow. “When you invited me over to your house for the first time you let Karen think that we had been dating for ages. You didn’t tell Karen you were deferring and taking a gap year until a month before university was supposed to start. And when we broke up, your mum kept talking to me and I thought it was because she wanted to make sure that you were okay. Then I realized that it was because you hadn’t told her we had broken up yet.”

“It’s hard to talk to her sometimes. She gets these ideas in her head.”

“Well get them out. Jesus, it’s not that hard.”

Liam sighs and grabs his phone. “You clearly don’t know my mother.”

“C’mon, Li. You don’t have to be aggressive about it. Tell her that you’ve been talking to Harry more or something.”

“That’s a lie.”

“Does it matter?” Sophia laughs. “What’s more important: making your mum think she’s always right or making her understand that you love your husband?”

Liam takes a deep breath and exhales shakily. “You’re right. Fuck. I’ll tell her tomorrow after dinner.”

\---

When Liam first moved to London, he would stare out his dorm window and miss Wolverhampton so badly his stomach would ache and he’d have to call his mother just to take the edge off. He always stared up at the sky when he got anxious and knowing that he was gazing at the same stars and moon as his family back home always loosened the clench around his heart.

He had his own room because his mother worried about his privacy and wellbeing, but he shared a bathroom with the other 53 people on his floor. He ate at the cafeteria by himself before he truly befriended the guys on the rugby team and he would bury his nose in his textbook and try to comprehend what he was learning while eating shitty shepherd’s pie.

It wasn’t until him and Sophia broke up near the end of his first year that he stopped missing his hometown and began to forge stronger friendships with the boys on his team. It’s also when he began drinking heavier and smoking more regularly.

The urge to quit is stronger with each passing day, especially when he has to leave Ruth’s flat to smoke by her front steps.

There’s something about the way he’s got to put on a coat and shoes to lock up the flat to stumble down the stairs that feels sneaky. He’s sure Ruth doesn’t hear him, but maybe that’s worse. Harry’s attuned to the way Liam moves in the flat, whether Liam crawls out of bed to smoke in the middle of the night, or if he’s smoking out the back downstairs while Harry’s in the shower; he always seems able to find him.

Liam’s hangover finally passed after a run, shower, and pizza and now he’s got half a cigarette burning between his fingers. The antsy feeling has slowed to a low thrum that has him tapping his fingers against the handrail. It’s half-past ten now and dark and starry in the best way.

It’s the kind of night that would have Harry packing a backpack of snacks along with a bottle of cheap wine in an attempt to goad Liam on a late night walk. God, Liam can’t recall the last time they went on one. They began in uni when they were dancing around their relationship in November. Harry had shown up to Liam’s dorm after a quick phone call telling Liam to dress warm.

They held hands and walked past the student housing to the field where they could stretch out one of Harry’s blankets. They didn’t cuddle, but they did eat and drink their way through the contents of Harry’s pack until they were full and loopy. Harry had an 8am lecture and Liam found the gesture heartwarming.

Liam remembers the way Harry’s eyes shone dark green in the moonlight. The way Harry’s skin seemed to glow as Liam tugged his shirt up and kissed around his navel. They were too loopy to do anything else, kissing with feather light touches until Harry declared it too late to stay awake any longer.

Harry had diligently walked Liam back to his dorm despite the fact that his housing was halfway across campus. He left Liam with a tender kiss and a pinch on the bottom. Louis had flicked Liam’s ear the next morning for waking him up with their incessant giggling.

Liam blows smoke out slowly and pulls his phone out of the pocket of his sweatshirt.

He has withheld from going on social media for a majority of the week, but he’s lonely and feeling sorry for himself.

He types in _HarryStylesPayne_ into Instagram and scrolls through the photos Harry has there. Harry’s posted one a couple hours ago of Widow sprawled out on their chaste lounge. It’s black and white, caption ‘ _Queen of the House_ ’ with a cat and crown emoji. The next is of a scone and latte with the milk foam forming a star. Liam scrolls through a picture of Gemma with curlers in her hair and then there’s one of him and his mother when he was a toddler.

It isn’t until Liam reaches pictures of the two of them that he realizes Harry deleted the photo of the beer and umbrella. It brings an indescribable amount of happiness to him. It feels like a small victory.

So maybe they aren’t as doomed as Liam thought. Maybe Harry didn’t respond to Liam’s text because he knew that Liam was obviously drunk and didn’t want to embarrass him by bringing it up. It wouldn’t be the first time Harry tried to avoid a subject to save Liam’s feelings. After the first time Liam came on Harry’s face without warning, Harry had spared telling Liam about it as he was spectacularly drunk and passed out as soon as it happened. Liam found out about it when there was come in Harry’s hair the next morning.

Liam smokes down to the filter and steps on his cigarette. Maybe they’ve still got a shot.

\---

Ruth has been uncomfortable and gassy for most of the morning. Liam was awoken by the sound of retching and it was far too similar to the state Sophia had been in the morning before. She gave Liam an apologetic smile before complaining about how the baby is due in two weeks and is trying to crawl out her throat.

The visual had been disturbing, but Liam helped her to the car to make their way to his parents.

It’s cold by Liam’s standards; he has a jumper and his coat overtop of a shirt he stole from Harry before he left. This will be his fourth Sunday dinner in Wolverhampton and it will mark the beginning of his fifth week here.

“What’re you thinking about?”

Liam glances over at his sister. The last he thought, she has ignoring him to pay deep attention to her mobile.

“Do you ever want to move away?”

“Every day,” Ruth confesses.

“Why don’t you? I mean… you could move closer to the city and find some cheap flat to rent.”

Ruth rubs a hand over her belly and settles it just above the seatbelt around her stomach. “I’ve got this one don’t I? It’s a bit inconvenient to move with a newborn and mum’s offering all the help she can so. It just doesn’t make sense right now. Why? Are you thinking of going back to London?”

“I was,” Liam begins. He immediately feels guilty when Ruth lets out a huff of discomfort. “Harry and I haven’t really been talking. We haven’t talked for nearly a week actually and I might have sent him a bit of an idiotic message.”

“Christ. What did you say?”

“Soph and I were drinking and I messaged him saying that I made a list and talked to Sophia and that I wanted to talk to him.”

“Oh, Liam. That is so easily misconstrued.”

Liam misses the turn to get to their childhood home and drives a street further. “I know that _now_. Louis told me not to worry about it.”

“Of course Louis said that. Louis’s a bleeding idiot.” Ruth huffs again and rolls down her window. “He is back with Bri though, so I admire him for that.”

“Things are actually going quite well now,” Liam informs her. “They’re not moving in together, but they go for family meals three times a week now.”

“Three – bloody hell. The lad finally grew up.”

“Right?” Liam grins, proud.

“Now that he’s got his shit together, it’s your turn.”

Liam thinks of the silence that has settled between him and Harry from miles and miles away. “I’m working on it.”

Ruth doesn’t seem convinced. She turns on her seat warmer and rolls down the window until its wide open. “Why don’t you give him a call tomorrow? Early so he knows you’re the first thing on his mind.”

A lump forms in Liam’s throat, but he nods nonetheless.

 _Tomorrow_ , Liam thinks while turning down his parent’s street.

\---

Karen greets Liam as though he’s just come back from an MI6 mission.

She runs her fingers over the quiff he spent ten minutes on styling and then drags him into the kitchen that smells like gravy and roast. Ruth assumes a spot in one of the kitchen chairs while Karen natters on about how pleased she is to see her son.

“Are Nic and Keith coming?” Liam asks, pouring a glass of water for his sister.

“They have to come a bit late. Toby had a basketball practice they forgot about.” Karen slices through an onion with an unnecessary amount of force. “Honestly. Who schedules something like that on a Sunday? Sundays are for family.”

Liam nods and exchanges a look with his sister. Ruth rolls her eyes and grabs a carrot stick, dunking it in a generous amount of dip.

“Is dad around?” Liam asks.

“He’s in the back doing some garden work.”

Liam heads back to the front of the house to grab his boots. They’re an old pair of Harry’s that Liam nicked a couple years ago because of how they were perfectly worn in already. Harry always complained about how they pinched his toes up until Liam finally bought him a new pair and stole these ones for himself. He only really wears them in the fall, when the weather turns and Liam can wear thick wool socks.

“Hey son,” Geoff greets him as he walks outside the house.

Liam claps his father on the back before taking the rake from him. There’s a plethora of leaves scattered around the yard. Most of them are limp from the rain that’s been pouring lately. It’s a blessing the rain has managed to stop for the day.

Liam and his father work in quiet silence. Geoff starts trimming branches while Liam attempts to collect the leaves in some semblance of a pile. Before he knows it, he’s worked up a sweat under the thick jumper he’s wearing beneath his jacket. Geoff keeps climbing up and down the ladder, moving it to different spots on the tree every so often.

It’s quiet, but not unpleasant. If someone were to ask, Liam would admit that it’s far better than being in the kitchen with his mother. He can’t imagine the bullocking Ruth must be getting for being on her phone. It seems as though she can’t stay off it these days. Between texting during dinner and staring raptly at it during their nightly movies, Liam’s painfully aware of how little friends he has.

Louis has been busy with Briana and Meg, but has stayed mum on whether or not they’re planning on moving in together. Liam’s acutely aware of the snappy tone Louis seems to take on whenever they’ve conversed and it’s left him hesitant to reach out to his friend.

Shaking his head, Liam pushes the thought to the back of his brain and focuses on collecting the wet leaves.

“How’s Harry?” Geoff asks, breaking the silence for the first time in what must be fifteen minutes. There’s sweat on top of his brow and he wipes it away with a gloved hand.

“He’s good,” Liam answers too quickly. “He um, he’s enjoying work a lot.”

“Is he still working at that bakery?”

Liam stops mid-rake to stare at his father in disbelief. “He hasn’t – he quit the bakery three years ago.”

“When was that?”

“A couple months after our honeymoon after he got the job as the cricket physio.”

“How does he like that?”

“Dad,” Liam waits for his father to turn around. He’s embarrassed that his father is ignorant of these things. Surely Geoff and Karen know the ins and outs of Keith’s life. It’s hard not to take offense. “Harry’s been working at Middlesex for the past six months almost.”

“Has he? What’s he doing there?”

“Physio for football,” Liam says confusedly.

Geoff nods approvingly before picking up his pruning tools.

“Dad did you not know that?”

“Oh, you know I can’t remember very well.”

Liam leans against the rake handle and refuses to drop this issue. “How did you not remember that?”

“You only tell us these things once, Liam. It’s hard to keep up when you don’t tell us anything.”

“I tell you everything, Dad. Where is this coming from?”

Geoff steps off the ladder and wipes at the sweat on his face again. Liam hadn’t realized how much his father has aged. There are more grey hairs on his head and his mustache than ever before. His crow’s feet have deepened and the bags under his eyes have become more pronounced. Liam has always had an image of the way his parents look, frozen in time from his childhood when he thought the world of his parents.

“You rarely call anymore, Liam. Your mother finds everything out from that website you post on.”

“I-” Liam stops. His father is not accusing him of anything, but Liam takes a step back and tries to think about the last time he called his parents. It’s true that Karen calls Liam more times than he calls them. And the last time he saw them was Toby’s sixth birthday in May. “I’ll try to call more, okay? When I go back.”

“Are you planning on going back?”

“I think so. My contract with the school ends by the end of the week.” Liam bites his lip and massages the back of his neck. It’s sore from bending over to rake for so long. “I don’t know what I’ll do after that. I mi-”

“Liam!”

Liam swivels to see his mother standing impatiently on the back steps. “Sophia’s here. Are you boys ready to come in?”

It’s not a question, which Liam and his father both understand.

Sophia’s standing by the kitchen when Liam toes out of his boots. She’s in leggings and a simple sweater by the hob, helping her mum mash the potatoes. “Hello Mr. Payne! Hey Liam,” she greets. She waves around the masher a bit and flings potato onto the ground.

Liam gets swept up in assisting his mum with making dinner. The kitchen smells delicious, but there’s a tension lingering in the air. Liam’s acutely aware of every question that Karen aims at them. Ruth stays quiet in her chair with her feet up. She’s munching on pickles dunked in spinach dip and drinking elderflower squash. Liam avidly tries not to think about how disgusting that combination is and when he voices his distaste, he’s completely ignored.

“Roo, put your phone away, please.”

“I’m looking up symptoms,” Ruth argues.

Liam’s snort is met with a cucumber slice flung at his cheek.

“Oh heavens, I’ve run out of butter.”

“We don’t need butter mum,” Liam tells her, looking around at the food she’s got made up already.

“I’m putting butter in the potatoes, Liam. We can’t have carrots and peas without butter.”

“We need it for sweet corn, Liam,” Sophia rolls her eyes at him, but there’s a smirk on her lips that tells him she couldn’t care less.

Liam stifles his laugh into a cough when Karen glares at him.

“I suppose I should run to the shops.” Karen putters around the kitchen in search of her purse.

“I can go,” Liam volunteers. Sophia echoes him.

“That’s alright. You stay here and tell your father where I’ve gone when he comes back from his shower.”

It’s a madhouse once Karen has slammed the door behind her. Sophia puts the lid on the peas which sends the water boiling over the rim and spilling along the stove top. Liam’s too busy uncapping a beer to watch the gravy and that ends up bubbling over the edge of the saucepan. To be fair though, it is a fairly small saucepan.

Ruth is laughing so hard she snorts her squash through her nose and green-tinted liquid comes flowing out her nose. Her eyes water up and then her stomach cramps from laughing. Sophia has to help her to the bathroom. It’s a horrendous affair and by the time Liam’s dad comes down the stairs, he’s red in the face from the chaos they’ve caused.

Of course, that’s when Karen is back from the shops with two sticks of butter in her hands and a livid look on her face.

It softens when Sophia takes responsibility for the state of the hob.

“Why don’t you two go up to Liam’s room? I dug something out and left it on your bed if you want to have a look.” Her smile tells them to leave, tight and angry.

“I love your mother, but I am so glad we’re not together,” Sophia laughs. She twists on her heels and falls back onto his bed with her arms outstretched. “Fuck,” she hisses. She twists onto her stomach and yanks a yearbook out from underneath herself.

“Oh my God,” Liam laughs horrified. “For the love of God, please tell me that is not what I think it is.”

“It’s our graduation from sixth form,” Sophia instructs. She moves over on the bed until Liam’s got half of it to lie on.

Sophia opens it up and runs her fingers over the long messages his classmates have left him. They’re basic messages of friendship and well-wishes; promises to always stay in touch and _definitely hang out this summer mate!_

Sophia’s is on the second page of messages in sparkly purple writing. “Oh this will be embarrassing.” She covers her face with her hands, but reads it aloud nonetheless. “ _My dearest Liam_ ,” her voice takes on a higher pitch. Liam finds himself blushing despite himself. When they broke up, he had spent weeks reading what she had written only two years prior.

Sophia clears her throat and elbows Liam until he’s managing a smile instead of a grimace. “ _My dearest Liam, we did it! I can’t believe I got to graduate with my boyfriend_ – oh God, I crossed that out and wrote _best friend_ , gag me!”

“Hey,” Liam pouts. It sounds vaguely like the whine Harry always does when Liam teases him and he has to pretend he hates it.

“Look at this, I drew so many hearts.” Sophia traces her fingers over a big heart that has their initials in it and snorts. “ _I know that we’ll always be together and I can’t wait for the rest of our lives. We’ll look back on this book and laugh at our hairstyles. At least we can do that together_ – what the bloody hell does that mean?”

“You loved me,” Liam sings.

“I’m pretty sure you wrote something sappier in mine.” Sophia giggles when she reaches the last line. “ _I’ll always remember revising in your room and your adorable bunny blinds_. Oh look, you still have them.”

“I don’t even live here, you arse.”

“It’s adorable,” Sophia teases. “I’m surprised you didn’t want to hang them in your room with Harry. It always turned me on.”

“You’re the absolute worst,” Liam buries his face in the bed and tries not to think about their awkward fumblings when they were younger. It’s positively horrid.

“I’m kidding! Oi, brighten up.” Liam finally lifts himself up onto his forearms and stares at Sophia’s looped writing on the page.

“C’mon, let’s look through pictures. I distinctly remember that one awful dye job when you tried to bleach only your bangs.”

Sophia flips through pages until they get to one of them at a winter formal. They have a tiny square to themselves in the very left hand corner of the page. There’s a bright red Sharpie heart around their photo. “Remember when we went shopping and you picked out that green tie and I threw a fit because I was wearing purple and we wouldn’t’ve matched?”

“You were always dramatic.”

“Take that back!” Sophia gasps.

“You were! You were pissed that one time I streaked my hair blue.”

“We were going to my nan’s _birthday_.”

“And you yelled at me when I bought those purple sneakers.”

“They were ugly.”

“There was that time I forgot about our seven month anniversary and you told Jordana Keller that I was a sloppy kisser.”

“You were!” Sophia squeals. “You were the absolute worst. I swore you only practiced with an ice lolly or something because you tried to suck my brains out my mouth.” Liam pokes her in the side which only makes her laugh harder. “That actually makes sense now, since you-”

“What the fuck is going on?”

Liam scrambles onto his knees in alarm.

It’s Harry. It’s fucking _Harry_ , who Liam hasn’t seen in weeks. He looks devastatingly gorgeous in his tight black jeans with plaid patches in the knee and the pink floral shirt he has unbuttoned to the center of his chest. He’s got sunglasses on his head despite the cold weather and the beige winter coat that Liam bought him just because. There’s also his slack-jawed expression and angry eyes. He’s holding a box of chocolate in one hand and a big bouquet of red, orange, and yellow flowers in the other.

“Fuck,” Liam mutters, getting to his feet.

Harry takes a step back and walks into Liam’s old desk chair. He looks like a frightened doe.

“Fuck, Harry.”

That seems to knock some sense into Harry who blinks a couple of times before setting his mouth in a hard line. “What the fuck.”

“It’s not – this isn’t-” Liam glances back at Sophia who’s staring at Harry in surprise. “We were just looking at pictures.”

“Looking at – do you think I’m an idiot?”

“No,” Liam steps towards Harry again. It’s futile though as Harry shoves Liam’s chair aside to step away even more. “We’re not anything.” When Harry’s mouth falls open, Liam corrects, “Soph and I.”

“Soph,” Harry scoffs.

Liam’s insides twist. This isn’t Harry. This isn’t his husband. His husband doesn’t look at other people with disgust. He doesn’t assume the worst in people. He doesn’t glare at women simply for being _friends_ with Liam. Liam’s not sure if he’s pissed that this is being misconstrued or if he’s embarrassed that this is his husband’s first impression on his friend.

“What are you doing here?” Liam finally asks.

“I came to talk to you. After our conversation I couldn’t – I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

Harry scoffs and looks at his socked feet. They’re pigeon-toed like always. There’s an uncomfortable silence. Liam feels like he’s suffocating.

“These are for you, by the way.” Harry shoves the flowers and chocolates at Liam’s chest. It _hurts_ , but Liam takes them, helplessly. “I ran into your mum in the store actually. Funny that.” Harry still won’t look at him. “I was planning to come by Ruth’s flat, but I ran into your mum and she invited me over for Sunday roast. I thought, ‘oh, I’ve never been invited before. How nice’ and,” his eyes slide over to Sophia before he lifts his chin in what seems like defiance. “Actually, y’know what? I’m gonna go.”

“Harry-”

“Oh my God, I should go,” Sophia says, visibly flustered. She’s red in the face and her right cheek has crease marks on it.

“Stay,” Harry all but spits, “I’ll go.”

“Harry-” but he’s already out the door. Liam turns back to Sophia for guidance.

It comes in the form of a shove to the chest. “Follow him you idiot!”

Liam scrambles to chase after his husband. His feet feel uncoordinated as he practically throws himself down the stairs in his haste.

Liam is so focused on Harry pulled his shoes on by the door, that he doesn’t even notice Ruth sitting in the reclining chair. It doesn’t even matter, really.

Harry shoots Liam one more glare before throwing open the front door and walking past it. He leaves it open, so it’s not as though he’s so outraged as to slam it. His mind is a jumbled blur of trying to get to Harry before he can get too far down the walk.

“Liam, what was that?” Karen asks. She’s innocently holding a whisk, though there’s a look in her eyes that seems to reveal she knows exactly what happened.

“Harry’s here,” Liam offers in explanation before dashing out the door. Harry’s halfway to his car by the time Liam reaches him. He grabs Harry’s arm and blocks him from walking any further.

“Will you stop,” Liam asks, panting.

Harry’s breathing hard with tears in his eyes. His cheeks are already blotching and his chest is heaving.

“Harry,” Liam says softly. He reaches to catch the tears coming out of his eyes, but Harry smacks his hand away. “It’s honestly not what you think.”

“Tell me what I think,” Harry challenges. He lifts his chin. His lips still wobble.

“That there’s something going on with me and her,” Liam says lowly. “There’s not.”

“Hard to believe,” Harry mutters. He crosses his arms over his chest. Liam stares at the ring still glinting on his finger and thumbs his own absentmindedly.

“I swear to you.” Liam steps closer to his husband and catches a whiff of his husband’s cologne. “We’re not anything.”

“You texted me that you talked to her and then you wanted to talk to me.”

“You didn’t give me a chance to explain.”

Harry takes a deep breath and wipes at his eyes. He’s never been shy to let Liam see him cry and it breaks Liam’s heart to know that he’s trying to now.

“Explain.”

“I – we – it was after I saw that post you made on Instagram; about beer and laddy things.”

“I deleted that.”

“I know that now. It was then, though. I just – I don’t have friends here-”

“You have Andy and Roo.”

“Are you going to let me finish?” Liam accuses.

Harry sniffs and wipes under his eye again.

He waits until Harry has composed himself before speaking again.

“We’re friends and that’s it. Just like you and Xander.”

“Except I never fucked Xander,” Harry says quietly. “And my mother doesn’t want me to either.”

“Your – wait,” Liam shakes his head in disbelief. “You mean _my_ mum?”

“It’s not a secret.”

“It’s-” Liam wants to say ridiculous, idiotic, stupid. In hindsight, it’s not really. “I don’t want her. I don’t want to get with her.”

“Then what do you want?” Harry runs his hands through his hair and shakes it to the side. “Because it sure as hell isn’t me!” Harry’s eyes shift to something behind Liam’s shoulder. He crosses his arms over his chest and tries to make himself as small as possible.

Liam turns around to check and there’s Nicola, Keith, and Toby.

Toby takes off running as soon as Nicola has opened the car door for him.

“Uncle Haz!” He squeals. He’s gotten fast. He runs straight past Liam and catapults himself into Harry’s arms.

“Hey big guy,” Harry greets. He hoists Toby into his arms and wipes under his eyes quickly. “You’re so heavy I can barely lift you.” Harry pretends to wobble. Toby laughs against Harry’s cheek and squeezes his arms and legs around his uncle tighter.

“Hey Toby,” Liam says for lack of something better to do. He pushes Toby’s long hair off his face. “Long time no see, eh?”

“I saw you last week,” Toby sighs. Liam would be offended if it didn’t pull a laugh straight out of Harry’s chest.

“Hiya Harry,” Nicola greets. She sounds off, strangled somehow. She still manages to hug Harry before slinging an arm around Liam and hugging him as well. Keith stays ever-quiet and shakes both of their hands respectively. “Liam didn’t tell us you were coming by.”

“It was a surprise,” Harry explains. He shrugs sheepishly and sets Toby down. It doesn’t stop him from holding his hand though. “Not a very good one, Liam’s already brought a guest.”

“Is Sophia here?” Nicola asks.

“Perfect,” Harry sighs. All traces of politeness are dashed from his face. “I’ll just go then.”

“Harry-” Liam says at the same time Nicola mutters, “Fuck”.

Toby stares at his mother in wondering horror before Keith takes his hand to distract him. “We’ll see you inside,” Keith directs at the both of them.

“Maybe you should take this somewhere else,” Nicola suggests. “A pub? Harry, you must be hungry.”

“I was,” Harry mumbles.

Liam chews his thumbnail. It earns him another glare from his husband. He takes it out of his mouth and mumbles an apology.

“Do you want to go somewhere else?”

“Yes please.”

They don’t talk as they pile into Liam’s car. Harry thrums his fingers on his knees as he drives them to the local pub. He hasn’t been back since that phone call with Harry all those weeks ago and it’s not something he would like to think about. Things had looked so optimistic back then – Liam doesn’t know how their relationship changed so quickly.

“Alright,” Harry starts once he’s shrugged out of his jacket and has a tall glass of beer in front of him. Liam’s got the same, but he’s actively looking at his menu. “Shall we talk then?”

“Guess so,” Liam shrugs. He fiddles with the condensation at the bottom of his glass. He’s ordered chips and curry sauce, unsure if he can stomach anymore.

Harry tilts on his seat and digs something out of his back pocket. “Right, well. I made a list.”

“You made a list?” Liam repeats, quizzically. He wasn’t expecting that. He doesn’t even know what he was expecting because every scenario of them being reunited was on Liam’s terms. He feels so out of water that he clings to his alcohol, drinking so he doesn’t have to face this uncertain confrontation.

“Yes.” Harry unfolds a piece of notepad paper. “You made one so I figured I ought to too.”

“Harry, that list doesn’t mean anything.”

“You wrote that when you were drunk, right?” Liam tentatively nods. He barely even remembers writing it, only waking up and seeing what he had word vomited on the sheet only hours before. “That means you meant it then, and I want to read it.”

“Harry, I don’t think this is a good idea.”

Harry fixes Liam with a steady look. “I want to work this out and I know we can. But we have to be honest with each other instead of avoiding it. Okay?”

Liam drinks some of his beer before nodding.

Harry sits up straight and folds his arms over the table. He looks ready to conduct a business transaction instead of having a mature adult conversation. “Did you bring it?” Harry asks.

“I put it on my phone,” Liam admits. He shuffles around in his jacket until he can get it. He unlocks it and opens up his notes, clicking on the list with a shaky thumb. He scans the words that he’d written in a moment of vulnerable anger and exchanges it with Harry.

Liam stares at what Harry has written in neat bullet points:

· _You often put me second to the gym_

_· Excluded from family events_

_· You wait until you’ve run out of all of your socks before washing them_

_· You stopped initiating sex_

_· You spend more time with Schnapps and Widow than me-_

“Sophia’s texted you,” Harry interrupts.

Liam flinches in surprise. He schools his features and reminds himself that he has nothing to hide before he lifts his head. He hadn’t even read the last point yet. “What’d she say?”

“Does it matter what she said?” Harry asks angrily. “Why is she texting you?”

“Because we’re friends,” Liam says lamely, truthfully. “I just left her-”

“As you should have-”

“And I didn’t even tell my parents where I was going.”

Harry scoffs and puts Liam’s phone face down on the table. He folds his arms over his chest and sits back. Liam can’t even predict what his husband is going to do at this point. It feels foreign to look across the table and read Harry as a stranger. He seems so closed off and distant; Liam wants to reach out and shake him.

Harry has never been the jealous or angry type. He’s been possessive and kept an arm wrapped around Liam in bars. He’s been territorial and attached himself to Liam at parties. But he’s never been jealous of someone when Liam was involved. That’s always been Liam’s area of expertise.

“Read it then. I’m not worried.”

Harry feigns indifference and brushes his hair off his face. “It just said ‘imessage’.”

Liam rolls his eyes. He knows Harry hates that he has it on that setting, but there have been one too many occasions of Harry sending Liam a naughty message and then having someone else glance at Liam’s phone and read it.

“Read it, Haz. I know you want to.”

“I don’t. I trust you.”

Liam takes his phone back and unlocks it. “ _Hope Harry’s okay_ ,” Liam reads aloud, “ _Sorry it looked like something it didn’t. Let me know if you need anything._ See?”

Harry puckers his lips before shrugging. “That’s nice of her.” Liam searches Harry’s eyes to see if there’s any sarcasm in them. There doesn’t seem to be, and satisfied, he locks his phone and puts it back onto the counter.

“Still doing alright boys?” The server asks. She has a wary look and Liam hates to think that she has heard any of what they said.

“Could you bring us a pitcher of this?” Harry asks, tapping the side of his glass. He’s almost done the drink and they’ve not even ate yet.

When the server is out of earshot, Harry leans forward. “Do you remember the summer we first got together? You were so mad because I met this guy at a party and then he became my number two best friend on Snapchat.”

“They were public then,” Liam defends.

Harry flashes his eyes to the ceiling and pushes his hair behind his ear. It looks endlessly longer than it had a month ago, the edges well past his shoulders, still as loopy and wavy as it’s always been. “You yelled at me for it. You were so mad because we were _friends_.”

“Well how was I supposed to know that? You sent me dick pics.”

“We were _dating_ Liam,” Harry motions between them before wrapping his fingers around his drink. “It didn’t matter anyway. All I ever sent him was shitty landscape snaps in the black and white filter.”

Liam got those ones as well and they were spectacularly mundane and boring. Although the fact that they were from Harry always sent a thrill through Liam whenever he opened a photo, regardless if it was a cup of tea or his fingers wrapped around his dick.

“I believed you after you told me. I’m telling you now that nothing is happening with Sophia and nothing ever will.”

Harry’s watching him when he looks up from his glass. “Alright.” Harry doesn’t look as positive about it as he sounds. “Should we go over our lists then?”

They’re interrupted by their server bringing them their food. Harry’s supper is some sort of superfood chicken salad with dressing on the side. In all the time that Liam had come when he was younger, he’d never even known they served that at this pub.

Harry picks up a limp looking lettuce leaf with his fork and clicks Liam’s phone closed. “Do you honestly think I don’t show enough affection?”

Liam licks curry sauce off the corner of his lips. “Pretty much.”

“What does that mean to you? Affection,” Harry clarifies. He drizzles some of the dressing on the salad and half-heartedly stirs it around.

“Well like, for most of the summer, we didn’t like-”

“Fuck?” Harry asks bluntly.

“Yeah. And you wrote that down on your list – that I don’t initiate sex.”

“You don’t.”

“Do you ever think about why?” Liam snaps.

Harry glares hard at him and shoves a forkful of salad into his mouth. He’s still chewing when he drinks half his glass of beer. “If we’re going to talk about this, you have to be an adult, Liam.” He taps his fingers against the table. “The only reason I can think of is that you’re not attracted to me anymore.” Liam makes a sound of protest, finding that absolutely preposterous. “Tell me why then.”

“You’re always drunk.”

Harry snorts. “I’m always drunk?”

“When you want it. It’s not like we were home a lot at the same time either.”

“I’ll admit that that’s both of our faults. It only seems that I wasn’t home a lot because the team did mostly evening practices this summer.”

“What are you doing now?” Liam questions.

“We have early-afternoons mostly; Saturday mornings too. There aren’t as many pub nights since they’re all proper students again.”

“Oh.” Liam slathers his chips in vinegar. “I didn’t know the schedule has changed.”

“Mhmm,” Harry hums with false nonchalance. “Mid-September, just after you left.”

Silence descends upon them until the server comes back to check on their meals. “Would I be able to get a raspberry mojito as well, love?” Harry gives his most disarming smile.

The server blushes and fumbles with the pitcher she’s pouring before scurrying away.

“What’s next on the list then,” Harry mumbles. His teeth have sunken into his bottom lip. “Oh.” Harry turns his nose up and levels Liam with a look. “I’m not always drunk. I went to the pub a lot this summer. I’ll admit to that. But you said I’m always drunk and I’m not.”

“You were drunk when you’d want to have sex.”

“I wanted sex all the time. I always want to have sex with you.” Harry lowers his voice just as a couple passes their table. “It was easier to initiate sex when I was drunk, though. And it was easier to get you to have sex with me if I just started kissing you.”

“That’s not right, Harry.”

“I’m not saying it was right, but you didn’t stop me either. You hardly tried to start anything either. You were always too busy or too tired or too busy.” Harry finishes off his beer and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. Liam mirrors him, desperate for something to do now that Harry’s going off. “At the beginning of the summer you were so wrapped up with the gym that you didn’t have any time for me. I would come home and you would be doing paperwork or on the phone. I would try to greet you, but you’d do that stupid finger thing.” Harry mirrors the one minute gesture with a roll of his eyes. “That makes me feel so insignificant, Li.”

Liam nods because he _knows_ that. “I didn’t realize I was doing it,” Liam excuses.

“That’s not the point. The point is that I was lonely and I wanted attention. Going out with the guys didn’t seem harmfulf and I liked it. I’m not saying it was right, but I wasn’t some drunk idiot who tried to hook up with you because I was drunk.” Harry goes from glowering to smiling when the server drops off his fancy drink and refills their pitchers.

Liam feels looser from the drinks. It’s getting easier to process what Harry’s saying and it takes the tension away.

“Try to see it from my point of view, Li. You were spending so much time with the gym and its renovations. If you weren’t on the phone with Josh, you were on the phone with Paddy. Then Louis, then you had to talk to the bank and that water bottle guy.” Harry runs his finger along the paper coaster. “You feel like I was spending too much time with the club, well I think you were spending just as much time with your mates.”

It seems like ages ago that Liam was working on the renovations, though he can recall it. The early morning phone calls and late night panics about finances stand out to him. He had been pouring a lot of time into the gym for the first couple of months, but it was the end of the summer when Harry was pulled away. It was the middle of the summer when they threw away their Spanish vacation plans and began to ignore the adoption papers.

Liam was home and waiting and trying to make it work with Harry by making him dinner and taking care of the pets and showing him that he was there.

“When I come home, I won’t pour all my time into the gym, then. Does that work?”

Harry looks contemplative before shrugging and crossing his arms defensively. “Are you doing it because you want to or because you think it will make me happy?”

“Both,” Liam answers honestly. “I can give Josh more hours and promote him some more and then I can take a day off so I’m not there all the time.”

“Do you want that though?”

“If it means spending more time with you, then yeah.”

Harry smiles sincerely for what must be the first time all night. “Okay, because I have some good news.” He clasps his hands on the table. “I requested to have someone shadow me in the same way I shadowed Paul. It means less paper work and a couple more hours at home.”

“That’s great, Harry. It will be um, nice to have you home more.”

“Does that mean you’re thinking of coming home?”

“Of course I’m thinking of coming home. I’ve always been thinking about going back.”

“I-” They’re interrupted by the sound of Harry’s phone slicing through the noise of the pub. It’s still not very loud, but there are more patrons in the club than have previously been in there. “It’s my mum. I’ll just take this outside, alright?”

Harry squeezes Liam’s forearm before fleeing. Liam stares at the spot on his arm – the first point of contact pretty much all night. Harry’s palm was clammy, though it felt warm and comforting like their first nervous instances of handholding.

Liam drinks the rest of his beer before filling it back up. He eats more of his supper, steals a beet off Harry’s plate, then checks his messages when Harry’s still not back.

There’s one from Louis that says ‘ _Roo says Harry’s there ??_ ’ followed by ‘ _you alright?_ ’ which was sent twenty two minutes before ‘ _i’m taking this as a good sign… get it in mate!!!!_ ’ He pointedly ignores those messages to text Sophia.

_**I think things are working out. Hope dinner isn’t too awful.** _

“Hey,” Harry greets on his way back. He rests his hand on Liam’s shoulder this time as he passes. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah. I was just texting Soph about dinner.” When Harry doesn’t crack a smile, Liam elaborates, “I think she got roped into staying.”

Harry grunts and slurps his drink instead of answering.

“What?” Liam prods. “You honestly cannot be mad about this.”

“I can be upset about whatever I want, Liam.”

“Don’t Liam me.” Liam glances around the pub before averting his eyes from the couple that are pointedly watching them. He thinks he recognizes the man as one of his father’s coworkers. “Tell me why you’re upset, please.”

“You know why.” Harry twists his hair up into a bun before sighing loudly through his nose. “I’ve never been invited to a Sunday dinner.”

Liam opens his mouth to dispute that, but Harry cuts him off quickly.

“Not even once has Karen called to invite us to come up for a Sunday roast. And I don’t just mean this year. Last year and the year before that, and all the years previous. We’ve gone to my mum’s loads of times and I know it might not seem significant to you, but the fact that your mum actively excludes me hurts my feelings.”

“She doesn’t actively exclude you.”

“Do you want me to list all the times that she has? Because I can, Li. Don’t pretend you don’t know.”

“It’s not because she doesn’t like you,” Liam explains. “It’s because I was with Soph for so long and we always did Sunday roast at our house.”

“Well you’re not with bloody Sophia anymore!” Harry explodes. Liam’s eyes shift back to the couple, who’s watching them even more carefully. He reaches across the table to take Harry’s hand.

“We’ve been together for six years, Liam. In the beginning I was fine with visiting my family instead of yours. I accepted that we could vacation in Holmes instead of Wolverhampton and I pretended to sleep on that mattress your mum set up whenever I visited. I played the role of the sweet boyfriend. Then I tried to be the charming fiancé.” Harry casts his eyes downwards when he mumbles, “You danced with my mum at our wedding, but I danced with Roo. Your mum didn’t even offer herself up as an option. That _hurts_ me. And it hurts how you don’t seem to notice.”

“I-” Liam digs his forefinger into his temple before scrubbing his entire hand over his face. “I didn’t think it bothered you this much. You never said-”

“I never wanted to say. I shouldn’t have had to have said.” Harry makes Liam feel so small with just a handful of words. “I didn’t want to make a big deal about it when I thought I could handle it.”

“Am I supposed to say something now?”

Harry gapes at Liam. He chortles in disbelief before folding his napkin onto his lap. His teeth have left little white indents on his lips.

“Yes! I want you to say something to her. Or comfort me about this. Tell me that you understand and that you see it and that you’re bloody _sorry_ for not standing up for me when you supposedly love me!”

“I do love you.”

“You have a great way of showing it,” Harry snaps.

Harry sinks back into his chair and exhausted, Liam does the same.

“Hi boys,” the server greets. “Can I clear anything for you? Refills?”

Liam’s tongue has one heavy from the alcohol, but still, he orders a refill of their pitcher anyway.

Harry finishes off his mojito with annoyance. From the way he’s been loudly honest, Liam reckons that he’s a bit more intoxicated than Liam. That’s nothing a couple more swigs can’t fix.

“Are we getting drunk then?” Harry inquires.

Liam glances at his beer, which, he’s lost count at which number this one is as he’s been topping it off every chance he gets, and shrugs.

“Guess so,” Harry mutters. “Since I’m at it, I don’t hate your mum. Or Geoff. I love your family. They’re my family and I would do anything for them.”

“I know that.”

“And I know you would do the same for mine.”

Liam nods fiercely.

“I just don’t understand why you can’t stand up for me. We talked about bringing a child into this world. We talked about bringing in three or four and I can’t-”

Liam closes his eyes against what Harry might say. If it’s that he doesn’t want to start a family, raise some kids, and wreak havoc across London with curly haired, wild-eyed children, Liam might throw up everything he’s got in his stomach.

“Look at me, Li.”

Liam does.

“I can’t imagine not taking the kids to Wolverhampton. I don’t want to go to your parents and be ignored by your family. I don’t want to exclude your family because I’m not comfortable around them. That isn’t fair to any of us.”

“You’re right,” Liam nods. Harry nods back and it feels like a truce.

“Okay.” Harry swallows some beer and picks a kale leaf off of his plate with his forefinger and thumb. He drapes it over his tongue before chewing and swallowing.

When he looks back at Liam, he looks infinitely more relaxed.

“How’s Roo’s pregnancy coming along then?”

\---

Harry’s proclamation of love was dramatic and unexpected and happened on a surprisingly warm Thursday in Liam’s third year.

It starts with a text: _Morning :) are you coming over tonight?_

Louis snorts from behind Liam’s shoulder, ruffling his freshly styled hair affectionately. “Booty call,” he sings, shaking his hips as he makes his way towards the fridge.

He’s in a pair of tight red briefs and fuzzy bear slippers. They’ve been living together for two weeks and Liam’s already grown used to the smaller flat and Louis’ constant presence. It’s different without their other flatmates puttering around the house and Liam’s glad that they agreed to live as a pair.

“It’s not a booty call since we’re dating.”

Louis sips milk straight out of the carton before putting it in the wrong spot in the door. He wipes the back of his mouth with his hand and smacks his lips together proudly. “Yeah it is. You’ve just never been booty called before.”

“I have so, mate.” There were plenty of times last year when Harry would text him and he’d go over and have sex and cuddle and eat and sleep and have more sex.

“You probably had more Skype sex than I had real sex all summer.”

“Poor Lou, being a father instead of fucking half of London.”

Louis’ grin is as bright as the sun. He glances over to the crib they have set up in the tiny living room and dumps himself into the chair opposite Liam.

“She’s a fucking angel. I miss her already.”

“Briana’s dropping her off this weekend, right?”

“That’s right.” Louis steals Liam’s last piece of toast and takes a bite. “Gonna stay at Harry’s all weekend?”

“Probably not. He’ll want to meet her properly now that it’s her first weekend with us.”

“ _Us_ ,” Louis mocks, “Christ. Meg’s gonna grow up thinking she has three dads and a mum.”

“She’d be lucky.”

“Yeah she would,” Louis sighs happily. “Anyway, I’ve got lecture at half ten. I’ll see you tomorrow if Harry ever lets you out of his bed.”

Harry’s got an entire flat to himself this year and Liam couldn’t be more thrilled. His stepdad pulled some strings and managed to get Harry in a decently sized studio apartment on the outskirts of campus. Niall doesn’t live too far away and Liam’s always got a place to go if Meg is staying over or he needs some space from Louis’ craziness.

Liam’s been over four times since his return to uni and he takes the walk there at a brisk pace. He’s sweating under his sweatshirt by the time he gets there, eagerly buzzing for Harry to let him in. He takes the stairs two at a time in his haste, already dreaming of whatever dinner Harry’s concocted.

The doors unlocked when he gets there, which isn’t unusual, but it still makes Liam worry for Harry’s safety.

It smells like marinara and oregano in the corridor. The scent of buttery garlic bread assaults his nostrils. The thought of kissing the taste out of Harry’s mouth thrills Liam instead of disgusting him. They’ll get to that after though, because Liam’s got to lecture him on the point of having a lock system first and foremost.

“Harry, I thought I told you to-”

Liam freezes on the bright pink **WELCOME** doormat and stares at Harry. He’s in black jeans and a soft looking grey t shirt with neon green socks on his pigeon-toed feet. His hair is half up and half down, reaching his shoulders in a way that Liam absolutely adores. The part that is the most out of the ordinary is the acoustic guitar he’s got strapped around his shoulder and a determined look he has on his face.

Before Liam has even closed the front door, Harry starts strumming the guitar.

“Harry-”

“Shh, I need to concentrate.” Harry says sternly. “I only know the chorus.”

Harry’s blushing profusely and won’t meet Liam’s eyes. It takes him three tries before he starts strumming the guitar properly. Liam can’t get over the way his hand looks on the neck.

Harry sways side to side choppily, playing smoother than Liam would have expected him to. When he opens his mouth and begins to sing, Liam can’t help but grin like a massive idiot. “Ooh baby, I love your way, every day.” Harry messes up the next chord, but keeps going, strumming past the awkwardness of his fingers pressing down on the wrong strings. “I wanna tell you I love your way, every way.”

Finally, Harry looks up at Liam and offers him a shy smile. “I wanna be with you night and day, ooh yeah.” Liam smothers his giggle with a hand to his lips. Harry keeps strumming, though he doesn’t say anything extra. Liam walks slowly towards him, feeling like the leading protagonist in a corny rom-com that Ruth would squeal over.

“You learn that for me?” Liam asks, brushing his fingers along Harry’s forearm. Harry stops playing abruptly and nods. His perfect teeth sink into his lip and he looks up under fluttering eyelashes. “Did Niall teach you?”

“Yeah,” Harry blushes. “We practiced for weeks on Skype.”

“Weeks?” A million butterflies flutter around Liam’s stomach. He can’t get over the way Harry’s voice sounded like warm honey; deep and smooth and perfect. Christ, this is so much more than the booty call Louis had made it out to be.

Liam takes Harry’s hand in his and drops the pick to the ground.

He kisses Harry sweetly on the lips before pulling back and resting their foreheads together.

“You gonna say it back?” Harry whispers.

Liam looks up from under his lashes. He’s so close to Harry he could count the freckles along the bridge of his nose from the amount of sun he got this summer. “You didn’t say anything.”

“I sang it. I’m romantic.”

Liam kisses Harry one more time; hard and bruising so that Harry stumbles back a few steps from the force of it. Liam shocks himself in how much he had put into it. He kisses along Harry’s cheeks until he’s kissing at his eyelids, making Harry squirm and the guitar between them bang against both of their stomachs.

“Love you,” Liam exhales, kissing Harry messily on the lips again.

Harry giggles and presses his face into Liam’s neck. His arms are around Liam’s shoulder and he peppers kisses into Liam’s sweatshirt. “I love you. I’ve wanted to say it for ages.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I didn’t want to freak you out by moving too fast.”

“M’not freaked out.” To prove it, Liam kisses Harry’s rosy cheeks before taking the guitar off Harry’s shoulders. He runs his fingers along Harry’s waistband before undoing his belt. Liam pops the button of Harry’s jeans open and wiggles out of his sweatshirt as he sinks to his knees.

It’s a long time before Liam gets to kiss the garlic taste out of Harry’s mouth, but the wait is worth it.

\---

“Where’s Schnapps?” Harry asks. His speech is slurred, heavy from the drinks they had. He’s slipping his debit card back into his wallet and using Liam’s shoulder to help him upright.

“At Roo’s.” And because Liam is clearly a drunken idiot, he offers, “You wanna see him?”

Harry nods and slides his hand down Liam’s arm until they’re holding hands. They had a good conversation about football and Meg and how Harry’s family is doing. Harry had nudged their feet together once he had finished his salad and kept their ankles crossed together for the rest of the night.

The pub is not anywhere near closing, but Liam’s exhausted, ready to go home.

“Are you staying with me?”

“I-” Harry pushes the door open for Liam and leads him outside. “Yeah,” he says hurriedly; then more certainly, “yes.”

They walk back to Liam’s hand in hand. Harry isn’t holding him with the fierce tightness that usually accompanies their hand-holding, and when Harry separates their fingers, Liam worries that he’s done something wrong. Harry just gives him a sheepish smile as he lets his hair down.

“The back of my neck was getting cold,” he explains. They’ve both got jackets on, though it doesn’t stand up much against the cold. Liam hopes the walk sobers him up.

It doesn’t work.

Once he reaches Ruth’s place he barely remembers how he got there and Harry’s hands have dropped to his hips.

Liam fumbles with the minimal keys on the chain before unlocking the door. Schnapps comes trotting over to him happily – barking loudly and nearly knocking Harry over in his excitement.

“Schnappers!” Harry squeals. He drops to his knees and shakes Schnapps ears, kissing the Golden Retriever repeatedly. “My baby.” He uses his baby voice and Schnapps tail swings from side to side.

Uncomfortably, Liam makes his way to the freezer to grab some beer he keeps stashed there. “M’gonna text Ruth,” Liam tells Harry, searching for the bottle opener.

_**Harry’s staying over… can you stay at mums?** _

Ruth responds immediately with a winking emoji and the monkey closing their eyes. It’s accompanied with _not on my bed!_ Which Liam refuses to think about. He’s been repeating to himself over and over throughout the night that absolutely nothing is going to happen. Harry’s here and they’re drunk, but that doesn’t mean anything. Liam is totally and completely in control of himself.

The picture that greets him in the living room has his heart palpitating. Harry’s on the floor on his back with Schnapps lying across his torso. His feet are to the left and his paws to the right, his face licking at Harry eagerly. Harry’s mumbling in an adorable voice, stroking Schnapps fur.

“He stinks y’know.” Harry turns his head on the floor until he’s looking up at Liam. His hair is sprawled around his head with his shirt still gloriously open.

“You stink,” Liam grumbles. He sets himself down on the floor by Schnapps head and leans down to give him a kiss on the top of his head. Schnapps responds by lagging out his tongue and rolling onto his side, effectively squishing Harry.

“Jesus, I can’t breathe.” Harry kicks his legs up. It only encourages Schnapps to roll around more. “I’m dying.”

Harry turns his head to Liam then, green eyes glassy and lips impossibly pink. His cheeks are flushed and Liam wants, wants, wants. He can still smell Harry’s cologne, can still feel the warm skin of his hand from where they brushed together on the walk home.

“Wanna watch a movie?” Liam asks abruptly. He needs to put some space between them, needs to sit down and maybe eat some pretzels and ignore the way his heart hammers whenever he looks at Harry.

“Netflix and chill?” Harry wiggles his eyebrows, but he gently guides Schnapps off his stomach and sits up properly. His hair is a bit wild and his shirts distorted so his left nipple hangs out. Liam fights the urge to tweak it.

They settle on _Aladdin_. Liam has been determined to make his way through the classic Disney movies and so far, he’s been quite successful.

Harry hums along to _Arabian Nights_ , letting Liam sing it under his breath. Liam could count on one hand the number of times they’ve sat this far apart. It’s nerve-wracking to see the physical distance between them. There’s an entire cushion separating them and it feels like oceans are keeping them apart. Liam cannot mistake the way his left side is pushed right up against the arm of the sofa. Schnapps is at their feet, happily dozing off.

“Aladdin’s so hot,” Harry mumbles, resting the side of his head in his hand. He has the lip of the bottle against his lips and is sighing wistfully. “We should have made this a drinking game. Drink every time you want to fuck Aladdin,” he titters and starts giggling, spluttering so much he coughs a bit.

“You’re drunk, Haz.” Liam intends to sound patronizing, but he ends up laughing as well. “You want me to get you a refill?”

“Do you have any schnapps?”

“Um,” Liam scratches his head. His hair is long and thick between his fingers. He’s got a few days of beard growth and he runs his fingers through that. It feels out of body when he’s drunk, like grazing his fingers through thick blades of grass. “Let me check Ruth’s stash.”

Liam creaks open Ruth’s bedroom door and rummages around the top of her closet. She had cleared out her alcohol cupboard to make room for baby bottles and soothers and any other kitchen appliance she may need for her baby. It’s coming in just a couple of weeks and Liam couldn’t be more excited.

As it turns out, there’s half a bottle of peppermint schnapps behind a half bottle of gin. He only grabs the peppermint just to be safe and makes his way back to the living room.

Harry has managed to stretch out the sofa into a bed and is slumped in the middle of it.

“Comfortable?” He teases. He dumps himself into his old spot. Harry crawls the smallest bit closer and makes grabby hands for the alcohol.

“You found some!” He unscrews the cap and brushes the crystalized sugars off the lip. “S’a bit old.”

“She hasn’t had any for nine months.” Liam’s distracted by Harry’s throat as he swallows a small sip. It’s just so lovely. Everything about Harry is lovely. “You’re lovely,” Liam tells him when Harry hands the bottle over.

“You’re lovelier.”

“That’s not a word.”

Harry sits up. Or, he tries to sit up. All he really does is lean into Liam a bit and lays his head on his bicep. Liam’s body tenses all over. “It’s a word. I’ll prove it.” Harry gets out his phone while _Friend Like Me_ plays. He gets his phone out and ignores the 17 message notifications.

“Who are those from?” Liam asks, tilting his head down so he can see.

Without question, Harry clicks onto the app. “It’s the group chat for the footy team.” Harry scrolls so quickly that Liam can’t even make sense of it. “One of the guys is injured. He fell off his skateboard.”

“Oh. Does that mean you have to go back?”

“Do you want me to go back?”

“Well, no.”

Harry wiggles around until he’s burrowed closer to Liam. “Then I guess I’m not going back.”

Liam takes a deep breath and then a deeper pull of peppermint schnapps. It’s too sweet on his tongue compared to the bitter beer he had been drinking for the majority of the night. Harry’s hand is high on Liam’s thigh and their chests rise and fall in the same pattern. They pass the bottle back and forth, watching as the cartoon figures dance and sing and fall in love.

At some point, Liam starts carding his hands through Harry’s hair. Liam’s half hard, though it doesn’t panic him. Absolutely nothing is going to happen tonight. He’s sure of it.

When _A Whole New World_ comes on, Harry snuggles closer to Liam, clutching his shirt. “I forgot how romantic this movie is.”

“He’s an imposter, Harry. He’s catfishing her.”

“But he’s genuine in his feelings.”

“But she doesn’t know who he really is,” Liam points out. “Their entire relationship is a lie. He makes a wish to seduce her and then lives his life like a sham and he hardly feels guilty about it! The only reason he-”

“You’re thinking about it too much. Drink more.”

Liam sighs and obeys. He lets Harry pour the alcohol into his mouth. A bit of the clear liquid dribbles out the side of Liam’s mouth; Harry tracks the movement with his eyes.

The moment they make eye contact, the moment Harry leans up and Liam leans down, Schnapps starts whining.

Harry huffs, but says nothing more as Schnapps whines and gets to his feet.

“I should take him for a wee,” Liam murmurs.

His arms feel like Jell-o as he swings his legs over the side of the bed and stands. He leaves Schnapps lead on its hook and pockets his car keys.

Liam takes him around the block. The air is cool and damp. It’s no doubt going to rain and nothing good can come of that.

It was idiotic of Liam to entertain the idea of hooking up with Harry. Kissing or more would be a stupid idea. They’re not in their right minds and the last thing they need is to muddle this up with sex.

Though sex would be really, really nice, Liam thinks as he watches a racoon run across the street. Schnapps jerks forward, but at the last minute doesn’t chase after the animal. Liam takes it as a sign. If Schnapps can contain his instincts to chase and hunt, Liam can control the semi he’s still sporting. Maybe he just needs to turn in for the night. He can sleep beside Harry. He can manage that much. But they’ll need clothes; a physical boundary because temptation is too high. Just because Harry’s here, doesn’t mean they’re going to have sex.

Of course, it’s not that easy.

Schnapps resigns to his doggy bed as soon as Liam enters through the front door. He barely turns around before Harry’s in his space, wrapping his arms around Liam’s neck and placing a kiss against his cheek.

“Harry-” Liam starts.

“I paused the movie for you.”

Affection blooms in Liam’s throat.

He needs to calm the fuck down. He repeats it to himself over and over.

Harry’s changed into a pair of Liam’s sweatpants, although he’s not wearing a shirt. His plethora of tattoos are on display and the sweatpants hang low on his hips. He holds Liam’s hand to guide him to the bed and sits closer than before. He’s practically in Liam’s lap with how close he is.

“Missed you. You were gone for ages.” He has one arm slung around Liam’s shoulders and his knees are resting over Liam’s thighs.

Liam isn’t sure if he’s talking about the walk or his time in Wolverhampton, but he doesn’t get the chance to ask because suddenly Harry’s lips are on his.

Despite all the pep talks and reassurances Liam gave himself, it doesn’t prepare him for the tenderness of Harry’s kiss. He’s defenseless not to kiss back, to press harder, and to want more.

Harry goes easily. He scratches his blunt nails against the fuzzy hairs at the nape of his neck and continues to keep the kiss slow against Liam’s best effort. Liam settles a hand on Harry’s waist and despite not wearing a shirt, his skin is still warm and soft. Liam runs his knuckles along the waistband of Harry’s sweatpants and he shudders.

Liam can feel his tongue in Harry’s mouth, hesitant, unsure. He doesn’t know where to go from here, but then Harry’s shifting in his lap, pulling back to lock eyes with Liam for one thud of a heartbeat before he’s diving back in for a bruising kiss.

This one isn’t exploratory. It’s sure and confident and Harry melts into Liam’s chest, resting a solid palm right over Liam’s heart. It ought to be nerve-wracking with Harry able to feel every rise and fall of Liam’s ragged breathing, though it’s not.

It’s grounding and reassuring and soon Harry is maneuvering a leg over Liam’s lap until he’s straddling him.

Liam wishes it was lighter in the room. He can see shadows bouncing off of his face, but it’s unclear due to the positionality of the television. He wants to know how pink he’s made Harry’s mouth, how dilated his pupils are. He wants to know if Harry’s cheeks have flushed like they always do when Harry’s worked up. His dick presses into Liam’s stomach unabashed. With shaking hands, Liam glides his hands up Harry’s back and tries to wedge them closer.

“Take off your shirt,” Harry mumbles, eagerly trying to keep their lips glued together.

The bottom of it is trapped under Harry’s bum. Liam struggles to free it, but it’s a useless attempt with Harry sucking on his neck.

“Off,” Harry sits back to give Liam more room, but he ends up tipping backwards and falling onto his back. Liam laughs, straddling Harry’s thighs. “Don’t laugh at me,” Harry pouts. Then he’s laughing too with his fingers tugging at the bottom of Liam’s shirt.

Liam takes it off easily, slipping out of it with practiced ease. He rubs at his tired eyes and by the time he’s focusing back on Harry, his abs are fluttering with anticipation.

Liam stares transfixed at how Harry’s stomach seems to have gotten even tighter. The cut of his abs are more defined, the soft love handles have slimmed minutely, and his nipples – Jesus, his nipples are perky and pointy and the hair on his chest looks like he’s let it grow in. Liam pinches one of Harry’s nipples – the temptation is too strong and he can’t help himself from doing the same to the other three.

Harry reacts beautifully; hissing and squirming. He arches into it though, silently begging for more when he spreads his legs. For all that his legs sprawl, his arms don’t budge an inch from where they’re buried in Liam’s hair. Liam kisses him once, then twice before he sighs against Harry’s lips.

They’re hard against each other, that much is clear; with messy clothes and even messier hair.

Liam skims a hand down Harry’s chest, until he can palm at him through his pants. Harry yelps, biting on Liam’s lip hard.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, planting soothing kisses on Liam’s lips.

Liam doesn’t say anything, though he does roll his hips down to elicit a beautiful moan from Harry’s lips. Harry turns his head between one kiss and the next, flexing his legs under Liam.

“Tie your hair up babe.” Liam smiles against Harry’s cheek. He’s got a mouthful of Harry’s curls.

They sit up so Harry can sit astride Liam’s lap again. Liam’s comfortably resting against the back of the sofa with his legs in front of him, bending a bit at the knee so he can fit. Harry rolls his hips down, scooping his erection against Liam’s lower belly.

Liam’s hands surpass Harry’s hips and cup his arse instead. Harry makes a small whimpering sound as he tugs at the bottom of Liam’s shirt. Once that’s off, Harry sucks a mark into the juncture of Liam’s neck and shoulder.

“Love when you don’t shave for a few days,” Harry murmurs, sucking especially hard. “Feels so good.” Harry runs his lips over Liam’s jawline. He nips there, a few teasing bites until he finds Liam’s lips again. “Wanna feel it all over.”

“Jesus,” Liam gasps, bucking his hips up

Schnapps chooses this time to rouse from his dog bed. He gives a loud bark, alerting their attention to him. In the next moment, Schnapps is jumping on the bed, tail wagging and tongue lagging. “Fuck,” Harry gasps pulling away. There’s saliva on his chin and the first signs of beard burn around his mouth.

“Schnapps, come on,” Liam flaps his arm about. “Off, shoo.”

“He’s not Widow. He won’t just jump because you flap about.”

Liam rolls his eyes and guides Harry off of him. He adjusts his dick in his pants before shuttling Schnapps inside Ruth’s room.

“Will he be alright in there?” Harry asks worriedly. He’s gnawing on his red, red lips with wide and worried eyes.

“‘Course,” Liam dismisses.

“Are you sure?”

“I can put his doggy bed in there.” When that doesn’t seem placate Harry, Liam continues, “and his water bowl.”

“Do you have any biscuits?”

Liam fetches the dog biscuits from the cupboard and tosses it into Schnapps bed before gathering all of it up and opening the door slowly. He slips inside and arranges it properly, knowing that if he doesn’t Harry will somehow find out.

Once he’s back, Harry seems to have spread the duvet over the sofa bed and is lounging on it.

“Quite the sight,” Liam observes.

Harry pulls him in by his belt loops until Liam falls forward and kisses him. He can barely breathe with how hot he feels all over. Harry undoing the button on his jeans certainly helps. Then the massive hands being shoved down the back of his pants, coaxing, his hips to roll into Harry’s have spikes of pleasure shooting up Liam’s spine.

Liam’s hips buck, a curse falling from his lips. “Get your sweats off,” Liam whispers.

He regrets it a moment later when Harry tugs down his sweats and –

“You’re not wearing any pants?” Liam asks, marvelling at the strained head of Harry’s dick.

“You know I don’t like wearing them on long trips.”

Liam curses again, panting wetly into Harry’s neck. How could he forget? The first time Liam found out was when they went on a trip to Spain and Harry had whispered into Liam’s ear that he wasn’t wearing any underwear. Liam had gotten an embarrassing hard on while they were hundreds of miles up in the air.

“Were you just going to sit through dinner with my parents without pants on?” Liam licks his palm and wraps his hand around Harry’s dick.

“I hadn’t expected to go to dinner,” Harry explains between one breath and the next. He giggles into Liam’s hair though and adds, “But I suppose so. Would’ve been funny.”

“My mum would have died.”

Harry whines and pushes his hips into Liam’s hand. “Can we not talk about your mum?”

Liam obeys, kissing Harry instead of talking more. “Can I suck you off?”

“Fuck,” Harry gasps. “Lemme undress first.”

They stand on wobbly legs. Liam can feel Harry watching him as he sheds the rest of his clothes. Nervousness resides in the bottom of his belly and slowly crawls up his throat with every passing second. He doesn’t look up at Harry until he’s done.

“Are you going to take your socks off?” Liam asks.

“My feet stink,” Harry shrugs.

Liam laughs and feels his anxiousness dissipate. “Your feet always stink.” He wraps his arms around Harry’s torso and pulls him in. “Whatever you want though.”

“Just want you,” Harry mumbles. He presses his lips to Liam’s, hard and unyielding. Liam responds immediately, meeting Harry halfway.

Harry’s feet bracket Liam’s and his hands run up the smooth plain of Liam’s back. They’re dicks bump against each other’s thighs; hips moving to no particular rhythm.

It’s been so long since they’ve just stood and kissed each other – mapped out each other’s bodies and held each other.

Liam’s dizzy with lack of oxygen, high off the taste of beer and peppermint and salad dressing on Harry’s tongue. When they had first gotten together, Liam would brush his teeth religiously. He chewed Dentyne as though he was a spokesperson for the brand and carried mints wherever they went. He was always paranoid that Harry would find his breath rank. It wasn’t until Harry had made them a particularly potent marinara sauce with plenty of garlic and oregano that Liam got over it.

“Thought you were gonna suck me off,” Harry whispers against Liam’s lips.

“Can, yeah.”

“Only if you want.”

Liam nods, shuffling backwards so he can get to his knees. He’s thankful for the soft carpeting below his knees.

Harry’s dick is as glorious as he remembers; long and thick, with a vein running up the underside. Harry puts his hands on his lower belly, intertwining his fingers. He lets out a gasp when Liam takes him in his hand. Liam jacks him off slowly a couple times, watching as Harry’s eyes flutter closed and his lips part on a silent gasp. He’s never looked so beautiful.

Liam leans in pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses against Harry’s right hip. He nibbles on the skin, sucking a hickey into the juncture of his hip and groin. He smells like sweat and need; undeniably Harry in every sense of the smell. It’s so familiar and comforting that Liam could bathe in it for the rest of his life and he would never get sick of it. He noses at Harry’s balls, sucking on one slowly before letting it fall from his mouth.

Harry’s thighs shake. Liam attempts to calm him by stroking the back of his thigh, but it has the opposite effect. A shiver runs down Harry’s body.

“Fuck,” he mutters. His voice is low and strung out already. “Don’t tease, come on.”

“Yeah.” It’s so quiet, Liam’s not even sure that Harry has heard it.

Liam slides his hand back up Harry’s leg and presses his thumb into the juncture of his groin. Harry’s eyelids droop and he whimpers, nudging the tip of his cock into Liam’s mouth.

There’s nothing to keep Harry upright, so he places his hands on Liam’s shoulders as he slides into his mouth. Liam takes him down as much as he can, though he overestimates his ability. He pops off Harry dick and takes another steadying breath before going for it again. Harry reacts beautifully, moaning and sighing at the same time, pushing his hips forward as Liam sucks him down. Liam lets go of Harry’s dick to stroke the sides of his thighs.

Harry’s thighs tremble against Liam’s hands. Liam pets at his hip, trying to calm him down as he flattens his tongue along the bottom of Harry’s shaft. Harry’s fingers clench and unclench around Liam’s shoulders. His wet pants fill the room and Liam pops off to pump his dick instead.

“You’re so good at this,” Harry moans from above him. “I almost forgot how much you love sucking dick.”

Liam whimpers, unable to resist leaning in and licking up Harry’s shaft. Looking up at Harry is a complete mistake, though. It makes Liam’s dick twitch and his heart seize. There are tiny gatherings of hair falling around his face and his mouth is pink and puffy. His eyes are closed in bliss and his face is completely flushed. Liam turns his head so he can suck on Harry’s ring finger.

Harry doesn’t seem to get the point until he opens his eyes and locks eyes with Liam.

“Shit,” he gasps, rocking his hips so far forward that he jabs Liam in the cheek.

Precome smears against Liam’s cheek and all he can manage is a laugh. He pulls off Harry in time for him to scoop up the mess and feed it to him.

“That’s so fucking hot.” Harry’s dick twitches again, nearly hitting Liam with how close they are to each other. “C’mere.”

Liam clambers to his feet, kissing Harry before he can do anything else. “I wanted to get you off.”

“I wouldn’t have lasted very long.”

“Could always wait and go again,” Liam suggests.

Harry shivers, latching his arms around Liam’s throat and burying his face in his neck. He’s so hard and wet against Liam’s thigh, he’s dizzy with it.

“You’re giving me beard burn,” Harry whispers.

“Am I?” Liam smirks against Harry’s hair, kissing it. Harry’s always had a thing for the way Liam’s beard scrapes against his skin. Over the years he’s experimented with growing it out for weeks, keeping it trimmed, and just getting lazy and not shaving for a couple of days. Harry’s favourite has undoubtedly always been when Liam let it grow in for a few days.

“I love it.”

“Let me suck you off for a bit longer.”

Harry moans, nodding as he guides Liam to his knees once again.

Liam closes his mouth around him, sinking down inch by inch. His jaw is more relaxed this time and he’s able to take Harry down with ease. Liam swallows around him and squeezes Harry’s hip. He hollows out his cheeks and sucks, sliding his tongue along the underside until he’s just suckling on the tip of Harry’s dick.

He goes back and forth like that, letting Harry’s cock hit the back of his throat for just a moment before pulling off and licking the precome off.

“M’gonna come,” Harry warns, pumping his hips gently. “Li – I – fuck.”

Liam sucks him through it. He doesn’t stop licking at him until Harry’s shifting his grip so he can push weakly at his forehead with a shaking hand.

“Fuck, Liam.”

Liam pulls off with an indecent slurping noise. He grins lewdly up at Harry as he licks his lips with the tip of his tongue.

“You’re obscene,” Harry giggles, helping Liam to his feet. He pecks Liam’s mouth sweetly while they get their bearings back.

“I know,” Liam says with a self-satisfied shrug. His voice is a little rough and Harry shivers, wrapping his fingers around the back of Liam’s neck and pulling their mouths together harder.

“Do you-” Harry stops, blinking at Liam rapidly. “Do you wanna fuck me or can I fuck you?”

Liam licks his lips and thinks it over. There are definite pros to each suggestion, but –

“Want you to fuck me, yeah.”

Harry’s face splits into a grin and he’s crashing their lips together until they’re both short of breath.

Liam’s too wound up from weeks’ worth of pent up confusion and desire. He’s too overwhelmed to do anything other than drag Harry onto the bed and let Harry cover him with his body completely. “Lube,” Harry eventually mumbles. “Tell me you’ve got lube somewhere.”

“I-” Liam’s brain is firing off a million spots a minute. All of which are in their house in London and nowhere near Wolverhampton. “Maybe in one of the drawers?”

“Did you not bring any?” Harry springs from the bed and makes his way to the drawers.

“I didn’t think I would need it!” Liam defends. He checks his wallet although he knows there aren’t any in there.

“You haven’t used it to get off?” Harry’s incredulous tone suggests that he finds that hard to believe.

“No.” Then quietly he admits, “I’ve just been getting off in the shower.”

“In the shower?” Harry laughs. He shuts the third drawer and slumps against it, bare arse and all. “Why don’t you have any lube?”

“Ruth might, but I-”

“Genius. Go get it.”

“Get-” Liam guffaws. “I’m not using my sister’s lube!”

“Who’s lube are we going to use then? Your sister got pregnant, Li. I hate to tell you, but when two people lo-”

Liam covers his face in embarrassment. “Stop. Jesus. I’ll go get it, just shut up.”

Harry’s laugh follows him to Ruth’s bedroom. Even when he sneaks inside to ensure that Schnapps can’t get out, he can still hear Harry’s cackling.

He comes back and throws the packets onto Harry’s chest. He’s lying on his back with a loose fist around his dick. “I’m so glad she uses packages so she can’t tell how much we’re stealing,” Harry laughs. He puts the condom and one of the packets of lube on the other side of him.

“I’m glad I can’t tell how much she uses.”

“Oh, Li.” Harry laughs and reaches out for Liam. He kisses the side of his face before he kisses him on the lips. “Let me finger you. You’ve flagged a bit, love.”

“You weren’t supposed to mention that.” Liam bats Harry’s hand away and shoves his face in the duvet.

Harry cackles again, kissing the back of Liam’s neck. “I can’t wait to finger you.”

Liam lays on his stomach with Harry cuddled into his side. Harry fingers him reverently, using plenty of lube and going slowly. It stings a bit the first time Harry pushes past the rim of muscles, but once Liam loosens up a bit, Harry’s able to work up a bit of speed, curl and scissor his fingers until Liam’s gasping into the sheet. He curls his fingers into the duvet, turning his cheek so he can find Harry’s lips.

His dick is so hard it pushes uncomfortably against the bed. He gets a hand around himself, jacking off in time with each pump of Harry’s fingers.

“S’it good?” Harry asks, licking into Liam’s mouth and stealing his words.

“More.” Liam pushes his arse up.

Harry slides a third finger along with the other two and ripples them. Liam clenches before bucking into the sheets. Heat pools in his belly and he wishes that there was some way he could bottle up this feeling and keep it forever.

“Stop – Jesus, I’m gonna come.”

“You can,” Harry whispers. He ripples his fingers again and slides them out smoothly. Liam curses, thankful that Harry’s done, but he pushes them back in and curls them, trying to find his prostate. “You’re so beautiful.”

“Stop it. Stop. I need you in me.”

Harry doesn’t offer any smart remark. He flips Liam onto his back and grabs for the condom. He arranges Liam’s legs until his feet are flat on the bed. “God, you’re already useless,” he muses.

“I want it,” Liam whines. “Fuck me,” he clarifies with a pinch to Harry’s thigh.

“Yeah,” Harry agrees. He rolls the condom down his dick and lines up.

The first couple of thrusts are off-kilter. Liam has to lift his leg over Harry’s shoulder and change the tilt of his hips, but when Harry slides in, everything whites out.

Harry tangles their fingers together as he blankets over Liam’s body. He fucks into him slowly, experimentally, as they get going. When Harry starts picking up his pace, Liam gets a leg cramp that effectively ruins that position. Harry bites his lip in an attempt not to laugh. Liam knows he’s out of shape, especially in that position, but he doesn’t need Harry to make fun of it.

“Don’t be mean. It’s been ages since we’ve done it like this.”

Harry’s features school quickly. He kisses between Liam’s brows. “I wasn’t making fun, promise.”

“I can ride you,” Liam suggests, embarrassed. For all that his chest feels ten seconds from bursting, he does still want to do this.

“Yeah?”

They switch positions until Liam’s straddling Harry. He sinks lower and lower until he’s fully seated astride Harry.

“Won’t last long like this,” Harry admits.

Liam smiles; rocking his hips back and forth to get acquainted. When the burn starts to fade, Liam rides Harry with more vigour. He swivels his hips, rolls his arse backward, and digs his nails into Harry’s chest.

Harry’s grunting and panting alongside Liam. They don’t make a fuss about staying quiet or being embarrassed about the noises that they make. Liam’s dick bobs with every bounce and Harry’s eyes can’t seem to stay fixated on any spot for very long. His eyes jump from Liam’s dick to thighs to abs to face. Whereas Liam’s transfixed with looking at Harry’s face.

“I can never get enough of you,” Harry whispers. He skims his fingers up Liam’s thighs until he’s scratching at Liam’s chest hair. “You’re so sexy, Liam. You’re,” Harry gulps and closes his eyes. His head falls back onto the bed and he takes a couple of breathes while Liam slows his hip circles.

“Fuck, you have no idea how attracted I am to you.” Harry moves against Liam then, lifting his hips the smallest amount. Liam still feels him thick and sure; Harry’s hips meet him every time Liam bears down. “Every night I swear. Every night that you weren’t there I was just – I was reminded of how much I took you for granted. I-”

“Harry,” Liam says frantically. He curves his body so he can kiss at Harry’s cheeks, his eyes, and then his lips. “It’s alright. Hey,” he says when Harry’s still mumbling under his breath.

For a moment, Liam had forgotten how much they had had to drink. For all that their actions and movements were sure and confident, there’s still the underlying buzz of alcohol enhancing their emotions. Liam doesn’t want to think about what this will mean in the morning.

“Hey, Harry. I’m right here. We’re together.”

Harry nods, albeit reluctantly. His eyes are still pinched closed and Liam worries that he’s about to cry.

“Kiss me, c’mere.”

Harry opens his eyes to wrap his hands around Liam’s neck. “Love you,” he mumbles.

“I love you. I’m so shocked you came. But I’m so happy.”

“I love you,” Harry repeats. He punctuates it with a snap of his hips.

Their teeth knock, tongues sliding together as they pour everything they can’t say into the kiss. Harry’s grip around the back of Liam’s neck tightens before he uses his grip to angle their Liam’s head. It deepens the kiss that much more and between one breath and the next, Liam’s coming without even a hand around his dick. Everything goes spangled for a second as Liam pants against Harry’s cheek.

Harry’s close to follow, groaning loudly. Liam can feel his release in the condom, the final twitch of his dick before Harry relaxes like jelly into the mattress.

“Fuck,” Harry grunts. He giggles helplessly a second later. “Jesus, that was-”

“M’gonna be sore for days.”

“Good,” Harry laughs. He swats Liam on the bum for effect.

Liam rolls off of Harry lazily. Staring at the ceiling, Liam lets the come cool on his stomach before heaving himself up. Instead of going to the bathroom, he grabs paper towel from the kitchen and wets it with warm water. Harry kisses him as Liam wipes the come off his stomach. He folds the condom and the empty packages into the towel and chucks it in the bin.

“Li,” Harry calls from the bed. “Can you get a glass of water for us?”

Liam does as he says, filling a cup of water and stumbling back to his awaiting husband.

\---

Liam wakes with a thud in his head and a dry mouth. He’s got the sheets halfway down his body and when he tries to collect them from the bottom, there’s a giggle.

“You almost punched me in the face.”

Liam jerks, kneeing something solid. It isn’t until he cracks his eyes open that he realizes its Harry’s stomach.

“What-” Liam starts, staring at the boy nestled between his legs. Harry noses at the trimmed hairs at the base of his dick.

“Stay still,” Harry commands. He runs a hand over Liam’s bare thighs and takes Liam’s dick into his mouth. Harry sucks eagerly, hollowing his cheeks and giving Liam the best sight in the world. He twists his wrist around Liam’s base, working more and more of his dick into his mouth. Harry groans when Liam’s hips twitch up.

Liam fists the sheets, focusing on how much Harry’s getting off on this. His eyes are closed in pleasure and his lips look obscene around his dick. Liam hasn’t been awoken with a blow job in ages. He almost forgot how fast he can come from them. He wills his hands to stop shaking as he pushes Harry’s hair off his face, muttering a grateful plea when Harry sucks harder and pulls off.

There’s a string of spit connecting his top lip to the head of Liam’s dick. Liam wipes it off affectionately, feeding his thumb into Harry’s mouth. Harry nibbles on the pad of Liam’s thumb for a quick moment before taking him down until his head bumps against the back of Harry’s throat. He gags a bit, but with renewed determination, Harry takes him deeper.

Harry slurps and sucks and fucking moans around Liam’s dick with his shoulders tensing and his eyebrows furrowing in pleasure. “I missed this,” he confesses with a naughty grin playing at his lips.

“Yeah?” Liam asks. When Harry nods and takes Liam down Liam curses. “Me too. Shit, Haz.”

It’s a couple more moments before Liam’s coming down the back of Harry’s throat. Harry kisses his way up Liam’s torso until they’re face to face.

“Hi,” Harry greets, grinning goofily.

“Morning.” Liam’s throat is hoarser than Harry’s. “Need a hand?”

Harry nods, nudging his erection against Liam’s thigh. Liam rolls onto his side so he can suck marks into Harry’s collarbone. He’s fairly useless this soon after coming, but thankfully Harry doesn’t need much. He fucks into Liam’s tight fist and groans at the ceiling. Liam can tell by the pebbling of Harry’s nipples that he’s close. He takes one of them into his mouth and sucks a bit, teasing a shout of Harry before he comes.

It’s messy and fast, and not the most efficient type of handjob.

Liam wipes his hand on the duvet and tosses his arm around Harry’s midsection. “Ten more minutes,” he mumbles, kissing Harry’s warm skin.

\---

The second time Liam wakes up, Harry’s still snuggled in close. He’s balancing his phone on Liam’s chest and is scrolling.

“Hey.”

Harry looks up and smiles serenely. “Hey. I texted Ruth and invited her for breakfast, but she’s got plans until noon.”

“What time is it now?”

“Half nine.”

“I haven’t slept that late in ages,” Liam laughs. He sits up abruptly though, looking for his pants. “It’s Monday. _Shit_. I’ve got to teach at ten.”

“Call in sick,” Harry suggests. He digs his teeth into the meat of Liam’s bicep. “C’mon please?” Liam shakes his head, although it’s more than tempting. “Just for the first class? What time do you have to go in at?”

“I mean,” Liam tries to think of what the schedule is, but Harry’s fingertips are dancing across his chest. “I can – I can wait to go in until quarter past eleven, maybe?”

Harry hums, peppering kisses over Liam’s pecs.

“But I,” Liam stutters when Harry’s hand slips under the covers. “I should probably take Schnapps for a wee.”

“Do you have to?” Harry flicks his tongue over Liam’s nipple and looks up at him with impossibly wide eyes.

“Yeah.” Liam sighs and tangles his fingertips into the ends of Harry’s hair.

“I can do that if you want a shower.”

“Nah,” Liam kisses between Harry’s furrowed eyebrows. “I’ll be quick. You can hop in the shower if you want.”

“Alright.” Harry locks his phone and traces patterns on Liam’s chest for a few quiet seconds. “Last night was nice.”

“Nice,” Liam mocks.

Harry bats at Liam’s chest and sits up. “Really nice.” He scratches at the little bits of dried come on his stomach from earlier. “Can I borrow some clothes? I’ve left all my stuff in the car.”

“I can grab it when I take Schnapps.”

“It’s at your mum’s,” Harry reminds him. Which, right.

It’s felt like such a long twenty-four hours; Liam can hardly believe that it’s been real. It’s Monday now, which means that Harry should be making his way to London. With Harry rummaging through Liam’s tiny dresser and Schnapps waiting for a wee on the other side of the door, it doesn’t seem like the right time to ask about it.

It’s not the right time when Liam comes back either.

Despite only being gone for fifteen minutes, Harry’s managed to shower and start breakfast. He’s got mushrooms frying in a pan and toast heating in the toaster.

Harry is a vision in Liam’s sweatpants and shirt. They’ve barely spent a morning together and seeing Harry in Liam’s clothes is almost too much for him to handle. There are stains on the shoulder from where Harry’s let his wet hair drip into the fabric. The heels of his feet are covered by the ends of his joggers and his ring gleams under the kitchen light. Liam wraps his arms around his husband and breathes in deeply.

“Smells good.”

Harry rolls his eyes, though he does lean back into Liam’s chest. “It doesn’t smell like anything. It’s mushrooms and toast so far.” He cracks an egg into a bowl.

“I meant you.”

“Idiot,” Harry laughs. He cracks a few more eggs. “Did you call the school?”

“Mhmm.” Liam rubs his nose up the side of Harry’s neck. “Said I could take until noon off because there’s an assembly.”

Harry sighs and tilts his head to the side. “Are you going to cling to me all morning or can I get the whisk?”

“I don’t even think Roo owns a whisk.”

“Of course she does. Everyone owns a whisk.” Harry locates it with ease. He moves around the kitchen as if he’s been in this space all his life.

The eggs sizzle as they’re poured into the pan. The mushrooms left, the scent of pepper wafts through the room.

Liam makes coffee while Harry plates their food. He sneaks Schnapps half an extra scoop of kibble when he thinks Harry isn’t looking.

“Who’s looking after Widow?”

“Niall,” Harry says around a bite of toast.

“Sick.” Liam eats quickly. He hadn’t noticed how ravenous he had become. “How long are you staying here for?”

“How fast can you pack?”

Liam laughs, shaking his head. Although, when he looks up, Harry isn’t laughing with him. “What?” He asks, self-consciously.

“I’m not-” Harry swallows his egg and puts his fork down. “I was being serious.”

“Don’t you have work?”

“Well yes. I told them I would be in on Wednesday at the latest, but-”

“Wednesday? Harry I can’t go back that soon.”

“You-” Harry visibly withdraws. He puts his hands in his lap, no doubt to play with the napkin in his lap. “When are you coming back then?”

“I don’t know. I have work until Friday-”

“Friday?” Harry exclaims. He looks a second away from throwing the napkin on his half-empty plate and pushing his chair back.

“Stop interrupting me,” Liam scolds. “What? Did you think you were going to come here, fuck me, and then take me home?”

Harry opens and closes his mouth. “Well – yes.” He takes a calculated sip of his coffee.

“That’s not happening.”

“But what about last night?”

Liam’s mind flashes back to Harry’s sincerity, his reverent touch, the almost-tears.

“What about last night?”

“You said you loved me.”

“I _do_ love you,” Liam clarifies. “That doesn’t mean I’m coming back by Wednesday.”

“Halloween’s in a week. You’ve been gone for a month, Li.”

“I know.”

“You don’t seem to care.”

“Of course I care!” Liam pushes his chair back so he can cross his leg. “Why are you so dead set on making me the bad guy?”

“Because you left, Liam. You left instead of staying to talk to me about it and now you’re pretending that this is all on me.” Harry shakes his head and twists his hair so it lies over his right shoulder. “We made lists. We talked it out. Who cares if we got drunk and had sex? That doesn’t mean that last night wasn’t a huge leap of progress. I’m proud of how much we were able to communicate and I assumed you would be too.”

“Last night was good, Harry. I don’t know what you want me to say, though.” Liam can’t look at Harry anymore. He looks so sure of himself and Liam can’t watch him crumble for a second time. “I need to finish my contract with the school. I need-”

“Space,” Harry fills in. It’s not necessarily what Liam was going to say, but he doesn’t correct him. “I get it.” He coughs into his fist before standing. “How far is your mum’s place from here?”

“Too far.” Guilt runs hot through Liam’s veins. “I’ll drive you over later. Can you finish your breakfast at least?”

“Surprisingly,” Harry says icily, “I no longer have an appetite.”

He stands from the table. Like the infuriatingly polite gentleman that he is, he dumps his food into the bin before rinsing and washing his plate. He doesn’t spare a second glance in Liam’s direction before he’s calling out for Schnapps in his baby voice. Liam finds that he can’t swallow his food.

\---

Liam refuses to let the drive to his parents place be weird. He turns on the radio and sings along and plans to take the longest route possible. It will be at least thirty minutes; Liam hopes to crack Harry’s silent treatment by then.

“I know that this isn’t the direct route, y’know,” Harry says after ten long minutes.

“It’s not,” Liam confirms.

“I’m so mad at you,” Harry explains. “I’m so hurt.”

Liam pulls the car over. It’s definitely in an area that he’s not allowed to park in.

“I feel like you used me and it makes me feel cheap.”

“That’s how I felt every time you came home drunk, Harry.”

Harry gapes at him. Liam’s never seen that amount of rage in his eyes.

“That’s not – _shit_. I didn’t mean it like that.”

Harry immediately dives for his seatbelt clasp, but Liam puts his hands over Harry’s.

“That’s not at all what I meant. Harry, please. I didn’t – that came out completely wrong.”

“What the fuck could you mean then?”

“I didn’t-” Liam hesitantly lets go of Harry’s hands. “I just meant that that’s how I felt when you would come home drunk and shag me. That’s not what last night meant to me. Last night was,” Liam can’t even summarize what last night meant.

“I know what you mean,” Harry admits. “About last night being,” he waves his hand around dismissively. “It felt good.”

“It was good. And I don’t regret it. Everything about it.” Liam blushes under the scrutinizing stare Harry gives him. “We made progress and it wasn’t um, it wasn’t just the sexual kind. We talked and got things out there and I don’t want you to think that, um – I don’t want you to think that it didn’t mean everything to me.”

Harry tips his head against the headrest and doesn’t say anything. “What does that mean then? I don’t want to not be with you. I don’t want you here while I’m in fucking London pining after you.”

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t say you don’t know!”

“Don’t yell at me!” Liam yells back.

“What the hell do you want from me? You say all these great things and then you won’t come home with me.”

“Because what will that fix?” Liam challenges. “So I go back to London. Then what?”

Harry won’t look at him and it’s the absolute worst. The radio’s playing something quietly in the background and Liam wishes he could smash it to pieces. He feels out of his depth, drowning in questions that he doesn’t have the answer to and Harry won’t even fucking look at him.

“Then we spend time with each other. Then we talk about our future. Then we fucking, I don’t know! Live our lives, _together_.”

“I don’t see how that’s going to change anything.”

Harry stares at Liam wide-eyed before shaking his head. “Take me back to my car.”

“Harry-”

“Dammit, Liam! Take me back.”

Reluctantly, Liam puts the car in drive.

\---

After an awkward goodbye where Harry refuses to make eye contact with Liam, choosing to slam his car door and drive away without a second look, Liam harvests everything he has left in him and knocks on his parent’s front door.

Karen answers with a sideways smile, looking both curious and elated when she asks, “Where’s Harry gone, dear?”

“He had work.” Liam shrugs. He prays that his mother wasn’t looking out the window at them. “Is dad at work?”

“Yes. He’s been gone since this morning. You’re lucky you caught me home.” Liam toes out of his shoes and follows his mum to through the living room and to the kitchen. “I’m just here for lunch then I’m heading back out.”

The house is suspiciously empty. “Where’s Roo?”

“Ruth? She went home last night. She said you and Harry were staying in a hotel.”

“Right,” Liam nods. He shakes his head and gives his mother a dim smile. “Right, sorry. I forgot.”

“Oh, Liam. What’s wrong? Why aren’t you at work? Is everything okay? Sophia seemed quite upset when you went off with Harry,” Karen puts her arms around Liam and drags him into a hug. “We waited half an hour for you to come home.”

“I had some things to sort out with Harry.”

“And they’re sorted?”

Liam nods again, sagging into his mother’s embrace. He’s so tired. He needs a shower and another glass or two of water. He needs some paracetamol and a long, long nap.

“Do you want some lunch?”

“M’not really hungry, Mum.”

“No?” Karen sits Liam down at the kitchen table and puts the kettle on anyways.

Karen rattles on about Ruth’s pregnancy and how excited she is that all of her children will be home for the birth of her second grandchild. It’s not a secret that Karen has always wanted to be a grandmother. When Nicola and Keith had gotten married it was all Karen would tell anyone; grocery clerks, everyone at her church, random people on the street – everyone knew that Nicola Payne was getting married and would soon have a child.

Liam listens with half attention while his mother keeps talking. He eats his way through a bowl of mashed potatoes with gravy thinking about where Ruth could have spent the night. It unsettles him.

Just as he’s about to make his leave, his phone lights up with a message from Ruth.

_Leaving mum’s right now! I’m bringing pizza for lunch, you and Haz better be hungry! ;)_

“I’ve got to go,” Liam stutters. He pushes the chair back and stands up on wobbly legs.

“Are you alright?”

“Of course,” Liam nods. He musters his most convincing smile and wraps his arm around his mum while walking to the front door. “I’ll call you later.”

“Promise?” Karen asks, squeezing his fingers.

“Promise, yeah.” Liam nods his head, feeling more disoriented than he had when he was drunk last night.

\---

Liam unlocks the front door with a heavy hand. Schnapps greets him with his usual enthusiasm, jumping onto Liam’s thighs and licking his hands. Liam’s tired and a bit sore from sparing with the senior boys, but he still drops to his knees so he can scratch Schnapps’ chin.

“How was work?” Ruth asks, waddling from the kitchen.

“S’fine.” Liam doesn’t give her the details of how they had all gone a little too hard on him, using his techniques against him to pin him to the mat and force a forfeit. Liam had been spacey anyways, too distracted by his desire to confront Ruth. “Where did you stay last night?”

Ruth must be able to read something in Liam’s face because she bites her lip and mumbles, “At a friend’s.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me that? Mum said you told her that Harry and I stayed in a hotel.”

Ruth sighs and walks back to the kitchen. Liam shrugs out of his jacket as he follows her. There are grocery bags on the counter that look like they have only been half put away.

“I’ve been seeing someone.”

Liam pauses with a bunch of bananas in his hand. “What?”

“I’ve – I’ve been seeing this guy. Matt.”

“Matt,” Liam repeats. A slideshow of several different Matt’s flash to the forefront of his mind. “Do I know him?”

“I don’t think so. He’s from Wombourne.”

“Wo – since when?”

Ruth shrugs and resolutely does not look at Liam. She takes the bananas from his hand and puts them in the fruit bowl on the table.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Can we do this after we put the groceries away? My feet are already aching.”

Like children, they move around the kitchen in silence. It’s only when Ruth needs something put on a higher shelf or she starts to rub at her back that Liam takes whatever’s from her hands and places it where it needs to go. They don’t speak, but there’s an understanding that Liam will put everything away while Ruth sits on the sofa.

Growing up, there had been more disagreements in the Payne household than Liam could count. He had been fortunate enough not to be a direct participant in many of his sister’s standoffs. Although he did observe the way Ruth had always been the queen of the silent treatment whereas Nicola had to verbalize her outrage by slamming doors and shouting through them.

Now, Ruth’s clicking away on her phone and can’t seem to find a comfortable position once Liam’s sat down across from her. The silence stretches between them in a way it never has before. It’s Harry who breaks it.

He sends a text to Ruth, who shows it to Liam with a sad smile. _Hi Roo, sorry I didn’t come in to say bye. I’m feeling a bit poorly and wanted to make it to London instead of spreading germs at your place. Your apartment is lovely, thank you for your hospitality. I’ll visit once the baby is born. Lots of love xxx_

Spitefully, Liam’s aware of how his three messages to Harry have gone unanswered.

“Is this the truth?” Ruth asks.

Liam shrugs, inspecting the hangnail he’s got on his pinky. “He may be feeling a bit poorly.”

Ruth tilts her head to the ceiling before cracking her neck side to side. Liam loathes the sound, though it doesn’t prevent Harry’s horrendous habit of cracking his knuckles.

“Do you want to go first or should I?”

“I can.” Liam relents. “Harry and I went to the pub and we… got a little bit drunk.” Liam sips glass of water and waits for Ruth to share her truth.

“A little bit drunk? That’s all you’re going to tell me?”

“That’s what happened!”

“Liam,” Ruth says with a roll of her eyes. “I came home and there was come everywhere. On the duvet, on a shirt on the floor. There were pants under the coffee table-”

“Stop. God.” Liam’s cheeks burn red at Ruth’s nonchalance. “We – had sex? And it wasn’t just to make up or whatever. We talked a lot at the bar and we got a lot in the air.”

“Okay, so what went wrong?”

“I might have given him the impression that I’m never coming back? Or that I don’t see the point in coming back?”

“Are you asking me or telling me?”

“Telling you?” Liam can’t help the way his speech goes up at the end.

“Oh, Liam,” Ruth sighs.

“I fucked up,” Liam whines. “Fuck. Fuck, I fucked up.”

Ruth puts an arm out so Liam can cuddle in. It’s a bit uncomfortable due to the fact that he has to mind her bump, but he still burrows his head in her shoulder and moans miserably. “What do I do?”

“Has he texted you?”

“No.”

“When were you thinking of going back? Before Harry showed up.”

Liam pulls his head up and sits back against the sofa. “I wasn’t really. Or, I was thinking after the baby was born.”

“Okay, that’s good. That would have been like, a week.”

“Yeah.” Liam gnaws on the inside of his cheek. “I would have stayed for a couple weeks though. To help you out and make sure you slept and ate and everything.”

“That’s really appreciated, Li.” Ruth squeezes Liam’s fingers and gives him a grateful smile. “What if I told you that Matt could help me out with the baby?”

“Matt-”

“Mum doesn’t know about him. We’ve been dating for about a month, but we’ve known each other for a few.”

“And he knows you’re pregnant?”

Ruth snorts. “Of course he does. I met his sister in a prenatal class.”

“That’s good.” Liam takes a deep sigh of relief. “And he’s nice?”

“He’s lovely.” Ruth’s entire face lights up in a way that Liam hasn’t seen for so long. She still has little bags under her eyes and her hair’s a greasy mess from how much additional oil her body is producing. Her shirt has a mysterious brown stain just below the collar and her cheeks are rosy from blushing.

“I don’t want to kick you out, but the world won’t end if you went back before the baby was born and got your shit together.”

Liam rolls his eyes up to the ceiling and slumps in his seat. The fan above his head is whirling, Schnapps is sitting in his favourite position by Liam’s feet, and Ruth is back to happily clicking away on her phone. He’s got this.

\---

Smoking is a horrible habit and objectively, Liam knows this.

Harry has complained about it for years because of the way it aggravates his asthma and the general distaste for everything that encompasses a cigarette. There had been a period in their second and third years together where Harry flat out refused to kiss Liam if he even smelled like cigarettes. As much as Liam would like to blame the awful habit on Louis, it is well and truly Liam’s fault.

And it’s not like he’s addicted. He can well and truly quit at any time. He doesn’t need a cigarette to start or end his morning and he doesn’t cling to smoking when he’s uncomfortable in a social situation like he had when he had started. He doesn’t smoke to seem cool like he had when he first began smoking with Louis. Hell, they hardly even smoke together anymore. Liam shakes his head and holds the smoke in his chest for a while longer.

He bitterly taps on the end of his cigarette and watches the ash fall to the ground. Schnapps is running circles in the grass, in his own little world, completely ignoring Liam’s internal battle on the park bench.

His phone’s balanced precariously on his knee as his other hand picks at the hole in his jeans. School was a headache and a half today. Louis and Sophia had both decided that a day was a long enough time to wait to ask about Harry. Between Louis texting him early this morning and Sophia hounding him with messages throughout the day, Liam has avoided both of them spectacularly. After an admittedly rude message telling them both to fuck off until he wanted to talk to them, Liam feels like the embodiment of shit.

Which is why, his phone lighting up midway into a deep inhale of smoke, makes Liam choke. He drops his cigarette and crushes it with the ball of his sneaker.

“Hello,” he answers cautiously.

“Liam, darling. How are you poppet?”

Liam relaxes at the cheerful tone of Anne. It’s the last thing he expected when apprehensively answering the call.

“Um. I’ve been better, yeah. How are you? How’s Robin?”

Anne laughs in the warm-honey way that Liam’s always been comforted by. “We’re good. Keeping busy and that.”

“That’s good to hear.” Liam wishes he hadn’t ground down that cigarette so quickly.

“I know you’re probably wondering why I’ve called.”

Words get stuck in Liam’s throat. He’s chatted to Anne on the telephone plenty of times – and not just to pass her off to Harry. They have talked for countless minutes to catch up on the newest Gogglebox episode or just talk about their days. When Anne’s friend needed advice about which boxing gym to join in Manchester, Liam had been there to make a recommendation.

So it’s not completely foreign to speak on the phone with Anne. It’s just that he knows how close Anne is to her son and he knows that he’s most likely going to be getting a bullocking.

“M’not.”

Anne laughs again. None of the cautiousness in Liam’s stomach disappears.

“Well, anyhow. I just wanted to know how you’ve been handling this separation.”

“Harry and I-” Liam pauses. He trusts Anne. At this moment, he may even trust Anne more than he trusts his own mother. “We’ve – it was really nice having him visit.” Even to his own ears, it sounds like Liam’s searching for the right answer.

“Look,” Anne says and her voice has dropped an octave in cheerfulness. “I was in your position more than twenty years ago, except I had children. I separated, I divorced. I did the entire thing and it was one of the most painful things that I’ve gone through. It was irreversible and for a long time I wasn’t okay. Do I regret divorcing Des? Not at all. Would I go back and try to make that marriage work? I wouldn’t.” Liam picks at the hole in his jeans and waits. “But that doesn’t mean I didn’t try my hardest to make it work.”

“I’m not – Anne, I’m not quite sure what you’re trying to say.”

“I’m saying that I don’t regret divorcing Des because I knew that it was the best possible option for me. We weren’t right for each other and we spent years trying to make it work for the sake of our children. The first thing my divorce lawyer asked me, was to picture myself in one year, five years, ten years from then. And then he asked me if that was with Des.”

Liam swallows. “Was it?”

“What do you think?” Anne laughs a bit and it loosens the tension in Liam’s chest. “I love Harry more than I could ever put into words. I’m not vouching for him and I’m not going to beg you to get your arse back to London. I understand what you’re doing Liam, but I just want to make sure that you do too.”

“Anne,” Liam says helplessly.

“Marriage isn’t easy. Robin and I will argue and I’ll spend the night at a girl friend’s,” Liam automatically wonders if Harry knows this, “but I always come back to him. I always know that in one year or twenty years – I’ll be with him.”

Liam blows out all the air in his lungs. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Anne blows her nose on the other end. Liam looks away out of courtesy before remembering that she can’t see him. “Take care of yourself, Li. I worry about you too, you know.”

“I know.” Liam snaps his fingers, alerting Schnapps attention. “I’ll see you soon, Anne. And thanks.”

\---

“I would divorce you on the spot if you said that to me.” Sophia has sunglasses on despite the fact that it’s nearly the end of October. It is unusually sunny though and it’s proven by the fact that they’re taking Schnapps out for a walk with smoothies in their hands.

“I didn’t mean it like that though,” Liam whines. “I told him I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Liam, tell me you’re not actually this dense.” Sophia slurps her dark pink smoothie and sighs longsuffering. “Think of it from his point of view.”

It’s been two days since Harry left and that’s all Liam has done. Especially after his phone call with Anne.

“You sort of implied that you used him for sex.”

“Thanks, Soph. I got that.”

“Don’t get snappy with me. I’m not the one who’s at fault here.”

“But what about him? He came here and just started yelling at me for being friends with you! And he wouldn’t listen when I told him that I wasn’t ready to come back to London yet.”

Sophia smacks his arm so hard that he feels the impact of her ring through his two layers of clothes. “He drove nearly three hours to see you for less than twenty-four hours. Your mother tricked him into coming to Sunday dinner so that he would see us-”

“My-”

“It sounds like she did, Li. The two of you got drunk, you had sex, and then the next morning you tell him you’re not coming home. _And_ ,” Sophia tacks on, “the next day you made him feel like the sex was payback for how he made you feel.”

Liam tightens his grip on Schnapps’ lead. “It sounds awful when you say it like that.”

“It is awful. He doesn’t think you want him.” Sophia forces the straw of Liam’s smoothie into his mouth. “I don’t want to make you feel like shit. But this is just a shit situation.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t know what you want to do, either.”

Schnapps gives a particularly hard tug on the lead and Liam flings forward.

“He was just – Harry was just so angry. And that’s so unlike him.”

“I-” Sophia makes Liam stop in his tracks. She takes his hand and hers and fixes him with a serious, serious, stare. “Don’t take this the wrong way, alright?” Liam nods hesitantly. There’s sweat on the back of his neck. “Have you ever… did you ever like, come out to your parents?”

“Yeah,” Liam shrugs. Schnapps pulls on his lead again.

“How did they react?”

“I don’t know.” Sophia’s got a strained look on her face. “My dad just kind of gave me the puberty talk and then we didn’t talk about it.”

“You didn’t talk about it?”

“No,” Liam bristles. “Why?”

“Are you sure they’re not like,” Sophia tugs on the sleeve of her sweater and avoids looking at Liam, “homophobic?”

“Homo – no,” Liam scoffs. “No, of course not. They never said – no.”

“I’m just saying, Liam.”

“Well don’t.”

Liam deliberately takes longer strides that he knows Sophia won’t be able to match.

“Don’t be mad at me for suggesting-”

“I’m bi, Soph. And you think my parents don’t accept that?”

“I’m just going off of what you’ve told me!” Sophia defends. “From how they acted when I was around, how you said they treat Harry – I just-”

“I know, I know.”

Liam drinks the rest of his smoothie to coat his dry throat.

Sophia holds her hand out for the lead. Schnapps runs a circle around her before settling by her side.

“I always thought I didn’t have to say it again. I came out and then I – then we dated. Then I dated Harry and they met him and they were nice to him.” Liam loves his parents. They love him and they’re not homophobic. They just aren’t. “They didn’t – I mean they didn’t invite him round for the holidays, but Wolverhampton’s far from London, y’know?” He doesn’t mention how many times Harry and him had made the trip up to Holmes for a weekend trip. He doesn’t mention how they left before dawn to surprise Anne for her birthday before leaving just after tea to return for one of Liam’s exams the next day.

“They would have said something if they minded.” Liam blinks past the stinging in his eyes. “They love me. They accept me.”

“Oh Liam, I know.” Sophia circles her arms around Liam’s shoulders and pulls him into a hug. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I’m being dumb.”

“No you’re not,” Sophia soothes. “Talk to them, yeah?”

“I can’t. I can’t accuse them of that.”

“Just for clarity then? You don’t have to accuse. Just talk to them.”

\---

Liam’s mind is still a blur of memories and second-guessing when he steps out of the bathroom. He’s dressed in his jeans and a sweater despite how badly he wishes he was in his pajamas. He doesn’t expect to see a strange man at the door with a helium balloon in one hand and a bottle of fancy squash in the other. They stare at each other; equally questioning faces turned to Roo.

“Um,” the man stutters, staring at Liam.

“I’m Matt,” he sticks out a hand and the balloon floats to the ceiling. “You must be Liam.”

“Liam, yeah. Ruth’s baby brother.” He crosses his arms over his chest. “I own a boxing gym and I’ve been training for years,” Liam warns him.

“Yeah, cheers. I play cricket.”

Liam laughs and slaps him on the back. It feels good to have the upper hand even though he reckons Matt is a couple years older than his sister.

“ _Bye_ , Li,” Ruth grits out.

“You staying for dinner?” Liam asks Matt, ignoring her.

“I was going to, but-”

“I’m heading to our parents. I’ll cover for you.” He winks at him on his way out, gathering as much courage as he can.

Liam turns up the volume loudly once he’s in the car. It distracts him enough that he’s no longer feeling antsy once he knocks on his parent’s door. Once his father answers though, all of that washes away.

“Um,” Liam stutters, much like Matt had just minutes prior.

“Didn’t know you were coming ‘round, son.”

“Yeah,” Liam toes out of his shoes. “No, I – I just need to talk to you and mum.”

Geoff shuffles back into the lounge and gets out the usual tumblers for whiskey.

“Who’s at the door, Geoff?” Karen stops in her tracks and sighs happily. She rushes Liam into her arms. “You’re back so soon,” Karen beams.

“Yeah, I wanted to talk to you two about something.”

“Is this about you and Harry?”

“It is, yeah.”

Karen doesn’t look particularly concerned. Geoff is screwing the cap back on the whiskey bottle.

“Can we sit down, or-”

“There’re a couple minutes until supper will be ready. Are you hungry?”

“Not really.” Liam’s stomach hasn’t stopped churning since Harry left. “I wanted to talk to you about Harry.”

“What about him?” Geoff asks.

Liam twists his hands together under the table and tries not to raise too much anxiety. The last thing he wants is his parents thinking that he’s ill.

“You never seemed to accept him,” Liam speaks to the table, “as my partner.”

“Your partner?” Geoff repeats.

“Boyfriend… Husband…”

“Honey, of course we have,” Karen argues.

“Let me,” Liam takes a deep breath and steels himself. “Let me just talk and then you can, okay?” Geoff’s lips are downturned and Karen looks perplexed. “I’ve been with Harry for seven years, which is twice as long as I was with Sophia, but it seems that you can’t get over that.” Liam speaks to his mum more than his father. “Nothing will ever happen with Sophia and I need you both to accept that.”

“Liam, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Geoff shakes his head.

“I have always-”

“You haven’t,” Liam interrupts his mother. “Harry has never been invited to a Sunday roast. The reason we only visit on holidays is because Harry always had to sleep on an air mattress when he visits. Where do you think he sleeps at our house? When Harry proposed in the garden you didn’t even – it didn’t even seem like you were happy.”

“It was a shock.” Karen says, taken aback. “He didn’t ask your father’s permission and it was at your graduation dinner. That was for _you_ , Liam and the entire family was here to celebrate-”

“Which meant my boyfriend was allowed to come! It’s not the Middle Ages; Harry shouldn’t have had to ask.”

“Watch your tone, Liam,” Geoff warns.

“No, I’m mad.” Liam can’t recall a time when he ever stood up to his parents like this. “You make comments about how I don’t visit and that’s why. I love Harry. He’s the only one I’m ever going to be with and if you can’t accept that, if you both,” he makes sure to catch both of their eyes, “can’t accept that then I don’t know what you want from me.”

“Liam, calm down.” Karen says sternly. She has her hand flat to her chest and is the picture of bewildered disapproval. “You’re blowing this out of proportion.”

“I’m not, Mum. If you want me to visit, Harry’s coming. And he’s only coming if he feels comfortable.”

Karen shakes her head and looks to her husband. “Sorry, Harry doesn’t feel comfortable around us?”

When Liam first met Anne he had never felt so immediately accepted. She gave him a hug and nattered on about how lovely it was to meet him, how much Harry had talked about him, and how his Facebook pictures didn’t do him nearly any justice. They had tea and Anne showed Liam Harry’s baby pictures while he sat on the opposite sofa looking absolutely mortified, but ridiculously fond. She asked what Liam’s favourite thing for tea was and went to the grocery store to pick up ingredients to make it. Robin shook his hand and asked about rugby and his courses and together, Harry’s parent’s made Liam feel at home.

Liam had been welcomed with open arms and kind smiles. Harry hadn’t been welcomed at all.

“Why would he?” Liam counters. He clenches his hands into fists. “I’ve always excused your actions towards him, but this time I can’t.”

“Liam, I haven’t done anything.”

“Haven’t you? You ran into him at the shops and invited him over. You came home knowing full well that he was going to be over soon and then sent him up to my room where Sophia and I were. What did you think was going to happen, mum?”

He’s met with silence. Karen’s eyes water and Geoff stares down at the table.

“I love him.” Then, because he doesn’t receive a visceral response, he slams his hand down on the table. “I _love_ him.”

“Liam,” Geoff warns again.

Liam doesn’t think. He doesn’t breathe or blink or pause before he’s blurting out, “Are you homophobic?”

“Homo – Liam, of course not,” Karen looks as if she’s been slapped.

“If you are, you should tell me now. That would really be shit, but you should tell me now.”

Geoff looks close to having an aneurysm; his face is beet red and his lips are sealed shut and pulled into a tight frown.

Liam tries to swallow down his emotion. He tries not to think about how Harry would whack him upside the head for letting it come out like that.

When his parents stare at him, unblinking, Liam continues. “Because I know it was a shock when me and Soph broke up. And maybe it was a shock when I just kissed Harry on that field. But it’s been six years. We’ve been together for so long and I-” Liam shakes his head.

“Oh Liam, it’s not that.” Karen squeezes his hand from across the table. “We just want things to be easy for you. All we’ve ever wanted is for your life to be as easy as possible.”

“What you’ve chosen, Liam, it’s not easy.”

“I didn’t choose this, Dad. It’s not a choice.”

Liam’s hand is sweaty under his mum’s. His face is red and he can feel tears prickling at his eyes. “I came out eleven years ago. _Eleven_ ,” Liam repeats just in case his parents didn’t hear the first time. “Did you never accept that? Accept me?”

On television, they always showed kids coming out to their parents as an emotional breakdown. There was hugging and kissing or yelling and banishment. Liam hadn’t experienced either of those things. He just ignored it. He just got a girlfriend and then got a boyfriend and they didn’t talk.

Liam never thought that they would only talk about it once his marriage was in shambles.

“We accept you, sweetheart, of course we do.” Karen dabs at the tears beneath her glasses. “We never talked about it. We never expected for it to become permanent.”

“Dad?” Liam asks because Geoff has gone very still. He’s been staring at his watch for the past minute.

“We thought it was a phase.” Liam tries not to react to his father’s words. “When you called your mother to come home, we thought – we thought you were straight again.”

“No,” Liam shakes his head. “No, that’s not how it works.”

Karen sniffs a few times before blowing her nose loudly. Geoff rubs her back soothingly.

“I love him. I’m going back to him on Saturday and we’re going to sort everything out.” Liam spreads his hands on the table. He got a sliver from their old one when he was seven. He cried big fat crocodile tears while his mother sat him down and pulled it out with tweezers. Geoff had come in at the sound of Liam screaming bloody murder.

“Will you come back once Roo’s given birth?”

Liam lets out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. “If Harry’s welcomed back too.”

“Of course,” Karen nods seriously. “I’m-”

Liam waits for it, but it never comes. The buzzer for supper goes off and Karen’s out of her seat, fussing with the oven door and asking Geoff to get the sweet corn put into a bowl.

\---

It’s going to be a great fucking day.

Liam feels the perfect amount of rested when he flutters his eyes open ten minutes before his alarm. Louis has sent him a video of Meg dancing with Honey, Honey wearing one of Briana’s sparkly shirts and a feather boa. The sun isn’t shining as Liam goes for his run, but Schnapps is enthusiastic and pushes him to run faster. He runs an extra mile than he had intended and even stops in the bakery to pick up breakfast for Ruth. They’ve got chocolate croissants fresh out of the oven when he steps in and they’ve just introduced a hazelnut praline latte. He tips the girl a couple of quid and leisurely walks back to Ruth’s place.

In 48 hours Liam’s going to be returning his dad’s car and saying goodbye to his family before catching a train to London. He’ll see Louis and Meg and Niall and most importantly, he’ll sort his shit out with Harry.

\---

“Liam?”

Liam kicks his shoes off in the vague direction of the welcome mat.

“Yeah, Roo?”

“C’mere a minute. You got mail.”

“I got mail?” Liam inquires. He brushes Schnapps fur as he passes. He follows Ruth’s voice to the kitchen. “Who the-” he cuts himself off and picks up the manila envelope. There’s no return address or anything distinguishable. “Was this hand delivered?”

“Nope. Came in the mail.”

“It came…” Liam grabs the mail opener from where it’s magnetized to the refrigerator.

It takes an excruciating second for everything to click into place. He can’t even read everything properly. Words jump out of him amongst the legal jargon. Before Liam even knows it his eyes are clouding over and he’s dropping the papers to the table.

“Liam,” Ruth says, coming around to the other side of the table.

Liam barely pulls back the chair before he’s dumping himself into it. He buries his head in his hands and digs his fingers into his scalp as if he can physically tear into his brain. It stings and it hurts, but it’s not nearly as painful as breathing.

“What the fuck is this,” Ruth spits. “A fucking separation agreement? He fucking-”

“Ruth,” Liam means to warn. It comes out more desperate than he’d like to admit.

“What the fuck are all these subdivisions? _Both parties will live separately_ ,” Ruth reads in a posh accent. “ _Liam Payne is entitled to the_ – bloody fuck. He’s saying you get the house and the pets may be discussed _at further notice_.”

“Ruth, sit down.”

Ruth follows her brother’s instruction. She looks unbelievably pale. Liam wipes at his eyes, then at the sweat off his brow. He takes the papers back and gives them a proper look.

“God, he thought of everything.” There’s subheading after subheading: _Living Situation, Division of Property, Spousal Maintenance, Income, Debts, Businesses, General Provisions_. There are things Liam hadn’t even thought of – like what happens if one of them dies.

Liam still can’t even read it properly. Harry’s signature, inked in black pen, is perfectly scrawled on bottom. It shouldn’t hurt that Xander’s his witness, but Liam can’t help the ice that’s frozen over his heart.

“I can’t do this.”

“Liam,” Ruth says. She places her hand on his back and rubs up and down. “Liam, call him.”

“I can’t.” Liam chokes out. “I – he fucking wants-”

“Oh, Liam.”

“I fucked up. I fucked up _so bad_.”

Ruth hands Liam a wad of napkins from the center of the table. “Call him.” When Liam doesn’t accept the napkins, she pats at his eyes herself. “Better yet, go home.”

“It’s Thursday,” Liam murmurs. He bats Ruth’s hands away. “This doesn’t feel real.”

“It – Liam.” Ruth flounders for what to do. “It’s late. You haven’t eaten supper yet. Your blood sugar has to be all out of whack.”

Abruptly, Liam stands up. The chair clattering to the ground doesn’t register as he moves as quickly as he can. Schnapps meets him halfway, jumping onto Liam’s shoulders just as Liam’s crouched on the ground.

“I need to get some air.”

“Liam, eat something,” Ruth says frantically.

“I’ll be right back.” Liam shoves his shoes into his trainers and runs out the door.

\---

“Oi, Leemo,” Louis greets. He’s grinning, Liam’s sure. “Couldn’t wait for Saturday, eh?”

“Lou,” Liam gasps. He feels like he can’t breathe. He’s a heap on the dewy grass, clutching at the dirt for purchase.

“What’s happened?”

“He,” Liam wipes the back of his hand over his eye. “Harry sent me separation papers.”

“He what?”

Liam calms the quake in his voice. He takes a deliberately slow breath and tries not to focus on the fact that there’s a group of teenage girl’s playing footie across the park.

“Harry. I came home and he had mailed me separation papers.”

“I don’t get it.” Louis doesn’t sound quite as alarmed as he had before. “I thought you two were already separated.”

“This is,” Liam sniffs pathetically. He should have thought to bring tissues before dramatically leaving the house. “It’s official and shit. He hired a solicitor.”

“What the fuck for?”

“Legal shite.” Louis swears down the receiver as Liam makes himself sit up straighter. “It’s like who gets the house and who gets the car and we have to decide who gets the pets.” Liam’s voice cracks. A fresh tear follows the track left on his right cheek.

“You better have gotten the fucking house.”

“I did, but-”

“I’m coming.”

Liam shakes his head miserably. He focuses on the girls playing footie to distract him from Louis swearing up a storm about how he’s going to castrate Harry.

“Lou,” Liam mumbles. “Lou, you don’t have to come. You’ve got Meg tonight, right?”

“I’m at Briana’s. She’ll watch Meg, she was going to anyway.”

“Lou-”

“Don’t argue on this, Payno.” Liam takes a gasp of air and feels it fill his lungs. His eyes are swollen. “Where are you now?”

“M’at the park.”

Louis scoffs. “A park, Liam. Really?”

“I had to get out of the apartment.”

“You’re so dramatic.”

Liam smiles despite himself. “You’re the one who said they were driving here from London. You’re not by the way,” Liam tells him. “I’ll be fine until Saturday.”

“No you won’t.” Louis murmurs something on his end. Liam hears the smack of lips and smirks; he’ll have to ask Louis about that later. “I’m leaving right now and I don’t want to hear it. We’ll leave tomorrow after you work if you’re still going.”

“I am.”

“Right,” Louis says, as confident and sure as ever. “I’ll get there just before midnight. I want vinegar crisps and a cold beer waiting for me.”

Liam huffs and scratches his head. His hair’s grown thick and long in the front. It flops over onto his forehead and refuses to stay back when Liam tries to comb it into place. “You don’t have to come.”

“Stop begging, Li. I told you I’ll be there in a few hours.”

Liam laughs for the first time; his chest expanding.

\---

The first thing Louis does after wrapping Liam in a fierce hug and shoving a six pack of beer into his stomach is trap him in a headlock and knuckle his head.

“You shaved your fucking head,” Louis scoffs.

“It’s a time of crisis.” Liam pushes Louis off and runs his own hand over his head. He hadn’t meant to, but after returning to Ruth’s flat, Liam got her to call Matt and bring his clippers over.

“And who the hell are you?” Liam rolls his eyes at Louis’ tone.

Matt removes his arm from around Ruth’s shoulder and stands up. He offers his hand to Louis which he shakes with uncertainty.

“You with Roo?” Louis asks, guarded. He’d met Ruth’s ex twice and had vehemently stalked his social media to mock every single picture there was of him.

“I’m Matt, yeah.”

Louis glances at Ruth with the protectiveness that only comes from being a father. It breaks when their hands drop and Louis squeezes Matt’s shoulder in excitement. “Good to meet you. I’m Louis. If you break her heart, I know Tae Kwon Do.”

Ruth rolls her eyes and makes grabby hands for Matt to come back.

“Open the beer, boys,” she instructs.

\---

When Liam was 6, _Toy Story 2_ came out and Geoff took him to the cinema.

It was the first movie Liam had ever seen in theatres. He wore his Buzz Lightyear top and wore the Woody’s cowboy had that his parents had gotten him for his birthday that year. He had his Woody action figure in one hand and gripped his father’s hand in his other. He remembers how big the screens had seemed and how he could barely see over the top of the massive chair in front of him.

Geoff bought Liam popcorn and let him have orange flavoured soda behind his mother’s back. They shared chocolate buttons while Jessie yodeled on screen. Liam had been terrified by Stinky Pete and frightened by Zurg. He gripped his father’s hand for relief the entire film.

When Liam got home his mum had made roast and Yorkshire pud for supper. Liam had been so full from cinema treats, but so frightened of the repercussions of not eating that he stuffed himself to the brim. He ended up puking all over the kitchen floor, gravy and chocolate and little bits of popcorn splaying itself on the floor. If he thinks too hard he can still remember the burn of the fizzy orange soda coming back up.

Liam listened at the top of the stairs while Karen yelled at Geoff in the living room. Ruth sat with Liam while he cried, knowing it was his entire fault for wanting to see the movie. After all, Nicola stood behind him telling him that his parents were arguing because of him. Liam felt terrible and guilty and the nauseas feeling resurfaced with every word Nicola hissed.

They scrambled when the argument ended, Liam hiding in his bed in the same hat and shirt he had been wearing earlier. He was terrified that his parents were going to come in and tell him they were getting a divorce.

In the end, Geoff came in with a worried frown. He stroked Liam’s back as he cried into his father’s shirt, pleading for forgiveness. When Geoff slid Liam off his lap, Liam was convinced that his father hated him, that he would never speak to him again. Instead, Geoff reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the rest of the chocolate buttons.

It’s one of Liam’s favourite memories with his father.

\---

“Doesn’t look like he’s home,” Louis announces, hauling one of Liam’s suitcases out of the boot. “It’s three thirty on a Friday. I thought you said he ended early on Fridays.”

Liam swallows past the lump in his throat and hauls open the back door to let Schnapps out. Schnapps barks loudly, shaking his tail so violently his entire body is vibrating with it. “Maybe he’s getting groceries.”

Louis, bless him, doesn’t answer with whatever sarcastic remark he’s thinking of. Instead, he snorts once before clunking Liam’s suitcase up the front of their stairs. “It’s cold, Li. Get your key out.”

Schnapps is impatiently waiting at the door as well. He jumps onto it once, yapping in excitement.

“Tell him to chill, Louis.”

Louis mumbles something and makes a vague attempt at calming the pup. It doesn’t so much. His hands are full of Liam’s bags and without a physical restraint, Schnapps is spinning in circles.

Liam grabs the last bag out of the trunk before slamming it shut. He’s got no speech, no grand gesture, and like always, no fucking clue what to do once he gets in that house. He’s half hoping Harry’s home so they can sort this out and half hoping Harry’s at the bar so he can inspect the state of their house.

He pushes his way past Louis and opens the door, Schnapps taking off like lightning. The living room light is off, but the one in the kitchen is on. The hallway leading to their bedroom is dark as well.

“Don’t think he’s home,” Louis says, quieter than before. He sounds disappointed perhaps, but it’s nowhere near as disappointed as Liam feels. Despite the mess of Harry’s departure, Liam truly believed Harry would have kept true to his promise of going out less.

“You can just drop everything by the door,” Liam instructs. He settles the bags by the back of the sofa before shimmying out of his backpack.

“Want me to stay?”

“Nah, it’s your weekend with Meg, ennit?”

Louis grins despite the somber mood he’s trying to play up. “You sure you’ll be alright?”

“Harry should be home soon.” Liam glances around the room. It looks relatively the same as how he’d left it. There’s no mistaking the shoes that are by the door, though. “I’ll call you tomorrow. Maybe tonight depending on how it goes here.”

Louis pulls him into a fierce hug. Liam wobbles with it, clinging to Louis’s shirt until he feels like he can breathe easier. “Thanks, Tommo.”

“Don’t mention it, Payno.”

Liam watches the door snick shut and listens for the fading rumble of Louis’ car engine.

Schnapps is lying on the rug at the foot of their reclining chair. “Wanna look for Widow with me?”

Liam looks in Widow’s usual hiding spots without Schnapps. He checks under the coffee table and near the inactive fireplace. He goes into his office and checks between the wall and the bookshelf, but Widow’s furry body is nowhere to be seen. It isn’t until Liam’s open and closed the dryer door that he hears the sound of the shower running.

The closer he gets to his and Harry’s bedroom, the louder the sound cascading water sounds. It’s accompanied by Harry’s voice like it always is, crooning an old James Bay song.

Relief floods Liam knowing that Harry’s been home. He hadn’t wanted to doubt that Harry would be out, but he couldn’t help the thought of Harry falling into his old habit.

He twists the knob of his bedroom and his heart seizes at the sight. Widow’s lying at the foot of the bed on what is presumably Harry’s discarded shirt. She lifts her head and meows for Liam to pet her, but he picks her up instead. She’s as light as she’s always been and she pushes the top of her head against Liam’s bicep. He can’t do anything other than absentmindedly stroke the top of her head as he looks around the room.

The side of the bed that he normally occupies has a pulled back duvet and rumpled sheets. Harry’s side of the bed remains straightened and suspiciously unslept in. The picture of them on their wedding night that usually occupies Harry’s bedside table is now on Liam’s and the alarm clocks have been switched as well.

The floor is a tip. Liam’s clothes are strewn all over the floor and his first thought is that Harry’s going to pack it up and chuck it out. He steps over shirts and joggers to get to his drawers that are pulled open. He hadn’t taken a lot to go to Wolverhampton and the remnants all seem to be crinkled on the floor.

Liam checks the walk-in closet that they share and curses when he sees that his jumpers and a suit jacket are discarded on the carpet. Harry’s side is perfectly organized in his meticulous colour coordinated order. Liam wants to rip some of his clothes to the ground.

He’s so immersed in trying to get a jumper on the hanger with Widow still in his arms that he doesn’t realize the shower has shut off until he hears Harry shriek.

He flies out of the closet in an instant to see a happy looking Schnapps and a naked and terrified Harry. His head whips around when he sees Liam. Harry’s face goes through six emotions before settling on embarrassed.

Harry yanks the towel from his head and wraps it around his waist. Liam closes his mouth, wondering when it had dropped open.

Schnapps barks, alerting them out of their stupor.

Immediately, Harry glowers at Liam. He looks ridiculous with his dripping wet hair and his flushed chest. “What are you doing here?” Harry asks.

“I live here,” Liam counters. “Why the fuck are all my clothes on the floor?”

Harry glances around the room as if he’s just seeing it for the first time. “I need,” he pets the top of Schnapps head when the dog pokes his nose against his thigh, “let me change then we can talk in the kitchen.”

“I’ll make some coffee,” Liam nods.

It’s ironic, Liam thinks, that he’s sitting at the table with two cups of coffee while Harry changes. Or maybe ironic isn’t the right word. Liam never did very well in his English GSCE. Either way, it’s the same situation they were in over a month ago now.

Liam drums his fingers on the kitchen table and stirs another lump of sugar into his coffee. Schnapps had stayed in their bedroom with Harry, excited to spend time with him after so long. Widow had scrambled away from Liam and burrowed herself into one of Liam’s trousers.

The sound of Schnapps coming into the kitchen makes Liam look up. Harry’s close behind with a sheepish look on his face. He’s dressed in a red plaid shirt buttoned half way up his chest and a pair of grey joggers. Liam reckons they’re his with the way Harry has to roll them up twice. Even angry and confused, Harry still takes his breath away. Liam doesn’t know how he went five weeks without him.

“Hey,” Harry says.

“Hey,” Liam nods.

“I guess I should explain the clothes,” Harry mumbles, wrapping his hands around the mug.

“I get it,” Liam dismisses. “You had a tantrum and wanted to trash my clothes.”

Harry’s brow furrows and he shakes his head. “No, it’s not that at all.” Harry sips his coffee and licks his lips. Liam tries not to trace the movement. “When you left I was a bit of a mess and I sort of – I didn’t destroy your drawers, okay? Don’t think that. I just missed you so much.”

“I don’t get it.”

“I was lonely and nothing smelt like you so I wore your clothes.” Harry doesn’t look at Liam as he goes on. “It was only one of your shirts at first, but that lost your scent after a couple days. So then I wore another one to work and another the next day. I started sleeping in your joggers and on your side of the bed. Niall said that would probably help.”

“I-”

“It’s creepy I know,” Harry rushes out.

“That’s not what I don’t get.” Liam’s chest expands painfully. “You sent me separation papers.” There’s no better way than to get to the point, Liam supposes. He’s spent so long dancing around their issues and not saying what he properly needs to say, but he hates this. “We had a good weekend together and you sent me separation papers over a misunderstanding.”

Harry’s eyes are a clear green, void of emotion and carefully calm. Liam hadn’t expected to be this nervous, but there’s sweat prickling on the back of his neck. “You said you didn’t want to come home. I don’t understand what you expected me to do.”

“You didn’t listen to me. You didn’t let me explain.” Liam’s heartbeat triples as Harry doesn’t do more than sip his coffee. “I called you every day and you couldn’t even respond.”

“What did you want me to say? That I forgive you and everything is okay? I took time off work to talk to you and all we did was get drunk and have sex.”

“We talked,” Liam argues. His heart thumps. “I listened to you. I-” Liam starts, but Harry doesn’t let him finish.

“What did you listen about? I said I wanted you home, I said I changed my job for you. I got an intern, I reduced my hours. What was I supposed to do, Liam?”

Liam says absolutely nothing and keeps his eyes on the table.

“You asked for a separation and then left me. You _left_ me,” Harry’s voice breaks. “You left me like it was the easiest thing in the world to do. There’s only so much I can take. There are only so many times I can fall asleep in your shirt and wake up without you. I drove to Wolverhampton and when I left Wolverhampton I drove to Holmes because I couldn’t bear to come here without you. I-”

“Harry,” Liam’s fingers twitch with the need to run them through Harry’s hair.

“You called and I was horrified that you were going to say you were never coming back.”

“I left you voicemails-”

“Didn’t check them now did I?” Harry snorts.

Liam feels worn to the bone. He’s hungry and tired and his dick is still a little hard because the sight of Harry dripping wet after a shower made him inexplicably hard, unexpectedly quickly. Even all this unsexy talk hasn’t been enough to tamper his inconvenient arousal.

He runs his hands over the tops of his thighs and just watches Harry.

They’ve been together nearly seven years and it feels like Liam’s mucked up most of those in one way or another. Harry is a supernova of sunshine, shining so bright that he leaves everyone captivated. There’s never been a moment, not even in the past month, where Liam felt like he made the wrong choice in getting together with Harry. There’s never been a moment, even when Sophia drunkenly asked him, where Liam has pictured his future without Harry. At least, not until he got those damned papers with Harry’s named signed neatly at the bottom.

It feels like Liam left his parent’s house ages ago. He still hasn’t messaged anyone that he’s made it home alive. Though he reckons that if any of them were particularly worried they could just contact Louis; Louis who was there for Liam every time he had a crisis. Louis who wrapped him up and held him as Liam sobbed about the separation papers and the shamble that his life had become.

“Do you want me to sign the papers?” Liam asks.

Harry closes his eyes and tips his head back. He looks surprisingly peaceful, as if he’s meditating like any other morning. It makes Liam feel intrusive, unwelcome. He has half a mind to stand up and leave, to storm out in a fit of sadness and anger at the inevitable words Harry will utter.

“No.” Harry says, finally. “Is that - do you want to?”

“No.” If Liam’s hair was half as long as Harry’s it would surely fly around his head. “That’s the last thing I want.”

“Are you sure?” Harry chews on his lip uncertainly. “Because I’ll support whatever you want.”

“I don’t want that. I never,” Liam shakes his head and feels like an idiot. “I should have talked to you to begin with. I’m used to bottling things up and not asking about what I really want to talk about and I did that with you.”

“You did,” Harry agrees. “What does that mean though? How did you get over bottling things up?”

“I talked to my mum,” Liam confesses. “And my dad actually. I hadn’t realized that I wasn’t asking them about stuff - about you and our marriage and their acceptance with it.”

Harry’s face is neutral. There’s no way that it’s not on purpose.

“I realized that I had been holding it against them and I had been taking it out on you a bit? I don’t know. Maybe it’s not that.” Liam thumbs the top of his coffee cup. “But I talked to them and I feel loads better. I told them the way they treat you is a bit shit and I won’t stand for it anymore.”

“Did you really?” Harry’s eyes are a blurry.

“Yeah. I don’t want to ignore problems anymore. I want to face them head on, resolve them before something like this happens again.”

Harry makes an aborted noise and grabs Liam’s waving hands.

“We’ll communicate better with each other. I should have told you that I was jealous of how much time you were spending at the gym instead of spending time with my friends out of spite.” Harry squeezes Liam’s hands so tight it’s almost painful. “Please don’t sign those papers. I was an idiot. I-”

He cuts himself off when he sees Liam jolt forward. Harry meets him halfway there with a hand clutched desperately to the back of Liam’s neck. Liam whines just from the feel of Harry’s lips against his, from the relief and joy and dread from the countless conversations they’ve ought to have.

“I never mentioned how nice your hair looks buzzed off like that.” Harry’s lips are spit slick and cherry red.

“Yeah?” Liam’s blushing he knows. He runs his hand over it before letting Harry do the same.

Harry leans forward for another kiss, Liam going easily as well.

“We have so much to talk about.” Harry mumbles. He kissing at Liam’s jaw though, so he mustn’t be too worried about that.

“We have so much time to talk,” Liam tells him. He lifts off his seat some more. His dick bumps against the table and he moans.

Harry pulls back with such a happy smile, Liam has to mirror it. “Well now that you’re staying,” he says.

“Yeah,” Liam kisses Harry one more time, hard. He stands up and offers his hand out to Harry. “Now that I’m staying.”

\---

**_11 months later_ **

Liam has never sweated this much in his life.

His throat is raw and there are tears prickling at the edges of his eyes. His chest is heaving despite the fact that he’s been glued to their kitchen chair for the past half an hour trying to work up the courage to sign the damn paper. He’s got the pen hovering over the paper just above the dotted line. He eyes Harry’s neat signature just beside his and his heart picks up tenfold.

Harry had signed the document so easily. He flicked his pen up at the end and cheered triumphantly, burying himself in Niall’s arms. Louis had shooed him to the bathroom so he could take care of the tears that were falling down Harry’s cheeks. His cheeks were already splotchy and he was already sniffling by the time they set the papers down.

Louis squeezes Liam’s shoulder behind him, anxious to get it done and start the process.

“Can you get Harry for me?” Liam asks hesitantly. He fiddles with the pen in his hand before settling it down.

“Payno,” Louis grumbles, “he’s an emotional wreck.”

“I want him to be here for this. I watched him sign and I want him to watch me sign too.”

“You’re such a sap,” Louis says, but he’s smiling so wide his eyes have gone all crinkly.

Their counsellor had said that signing the papers would be emotional, but Liam hadn’t prepared for just how emotional it would be.

Harry drapes himself along Liam’s back and kisses his neck. “You rang?”

“I’m nervous,” Liam admits.

Harry presses his cold nose to Liam’s jaw before kissing there too. “We’re ready.” His hair tickles Liam’s ear, but he doesn’t shoo away. “Linda told us that this was a big step. She told us we were ready and we agreed that we were.” He twists so he can stare at Liam properly.

“Unless,” Harry starts, “this isn’t what you want?”

Liam scoffs and picks up the pen again. “Of course this is what I want. Just wanted you by my side as I sign this.”

“I’ll always be by your side.” Harry’s sincerity is heartwarming. “I love you. I’m not going anywhere, alright?”

“Alright. Let’s do this.” Liam picks up the pen and practices his signature in the air.

As soon as he puts the pen to the paper, it’s as if all of his anxieties float away from him. The last eleven months have been difficult to say the least. They’ve done weekly counselling sessions with Linda and biweekly date nights where they force each other to get out of the house and do something. They hang out with each other’s social circles and spend as much time as they can at Louis and Briana’s new place. Sophia’s seeing someone new and although Liam had only met him once when they went to visit Ruth, Matt, and the new baby, Harry was kind and inviting to her. It was comical actually, to watch Harry fumble apologizes while protectively holding Liam’s hand. Sophia had laughed, pressed a kiss to Harry’s cheek and declared that all was forgotten.

That’s not to say that everything has been sunshine and rainbows since Liam moved back. They couldn’t touch each other for a week; miscommunication had stung too badly for them to do anything more than kiss and cuddle. There was the argument at Christmas when Liam wanted to visit his family, but Harry, embarrassed and still feeling betrayed, refused to go with him. Then there was halfway through March where Linda had suggested that they tell each other a secret to renew their trust and Harry had told Liam that he took his wedding ring off for three days after he came back from Wolverhampton. They still argue over the amount of wilted lettuce accumulated in their fridge and the length of time Harry spends on the road for his job.

Liam wouldn’t trade it for anything, though. He loves Harry more than he ever thought possible and their communication is at an all-time high.

He signs the paper with ease and Harry’s on him in an instant. He shoves the table out of the way and straddles Liam’s thighs. His cheeks are still damp and his nose a little runny when he kisses Liam’s mouth, but it doesn’t matter much.

“We’re going to have a baby,” Harry whispers against Liam’s mouth. “A baby. We’re going to adopt-” His voice cracks and he buries his nose in Liam’s neck.

“I love you,” Liam says, because there’s nothing else he can say that encapsulates how happy he is. “God I wanna fuck you,” Liam moans, finding Harry’s lips again.

“Do it, yeah.” Harry grinds down in Liam’s lap. He’s already half-hard and panting. “Wanna ride you.” Liam nods rapidly, kissing Harry again and again until they’re wobbling the chair.

Liam nods. He almost chokes on his tongue when Harry circles his hips and murmurs, deep and throaty, “Put a baby in me.”

“Jesus, Styles,” Louis hisses, interrupting them. Niall’s cackling in the background. “You have no shame.”

Liam closes his eyes and tilts his head up to the ceiling. Harry hasn’t quite stopped his ministrations in his lap.

“We’re busy,” Harry grumbles. “We’re making a family.”

“As hard as you try, you can’t actually get pregnant, love.”

Harry slides off Liam’s lap with a final kiss to his cheek. Liam cracks an eye open at him. Harry looks flushed and so, so happy. “I hate you.”

“You love me,” Louis rolls his eyes. “Especially when you see what Niall and I have gotten you.”

“We haven’t actually adopted yet, Lou.”

“Shut it, Payno.”

“For the dads-to-be,” Niall says with a flourish. He presents them with a bag, which Harry takes with greedy hands.

He pulls out a champagne bottle and sets it on the table behind him. Next are two coffee mugs with “World’s Best Almost-Dad” in loopy gold writing. Harry wipes under his nose and sniffs wetly at that. Then finally is a framed picture, a massive photograph of all of their favourite people. There’s Harry’s family and Liam’s family and half of Harry’s team and some kids from Liam’s gym. Meg is sitting proudly with Widow on her lap beside between Briana and Sophia. Louis’ carrying their newborn and on the ground beside him is Schnapps.

“When did you take this,” Liam asks in awe.

“Day after your birthday when everyone was still in town,” Niall tells him. He pats the back of Liam’s shoulders and ruffles his hair.

“This is amazing.” Liam takes the picture from Harry completely. He’s a shameless mess of tears and snots. “Fuck. Thank you so much.”

Harry makes a strangled noise and puts the picture frame on the table behind him. He cradles Liam’s face in his hands and kisses him just once. “Our baby is going to be so loved.”

“Enough of that,” Louis dismisses. He’s turns his cheek to wipe under his nose. “We’re going to get drunk.”

“We can’t get too drunk,” Harry says worriedly. He hooks his arm around Liam’s shoulder and clings tightly. “We’re driving up to Wolverhampton to visit Liam’s family in the morning.” He smacks a loud kiss onto Liam’s cheek. “I’m not sitting in the car while he whines about being hungover.”

“I don’t whine-” Liam – well – whines.

“Oi, you’re disgusting.” Louis waves the bottle around while Niall makes retching sounds. “Pop the champagne, Styles.”

“It’s _Styles-Payne_ ,” Harry and Liam say at the same time.

They lock eyes and then Harry’s diving into his arms to wrap him up into a happy hug. They careen backwards and Liam makes sure to keep his head up so he doesn’t whack it on the floor. Niall’s howling with laughter and Louis’s already lecturing them about kitchen safety, but Liam doesn’t care about any of it.

He’s got the biggest smile on his face and the best boy in the world in his arms. There will be more documents to sign and portfolios to look through. There will be tons of money poured into this and more late nights spent bickering about the baby’s room. There will be half-hearted fucks and dismissive kisses when Liam’s had a bad day. But there will be an infinite amount of happy times ahead. Liam can look towards the future and know, indefinitely, that he’s happy.

 _Fin_.

**Author's Note:**

> words can't describe how glad i am that this fic is now up!!! it's been a long four months and i would love your feedback :)  
> [the fic post is up!!](http://vinoharry.tumblr.com/post/140238301788)  
> [ as always you can find me on tumblr](http://vinoharry.tumblr.com/ask)  
> I’d like to thank my incredible team of betas for putting up with me!!! To [emily](http://harry-and-grimmy.tumblr.com/), [gabi](http://harryandtheprince.tumblr.com/), [flo](http://imaharrie.tumblr.com/), [iz](http://whatwasthatharry.tumblr.com/), [loren](http://georgiasokeeffe.tumblr.com/), [courtney](http://dirnples.tumblr.com/), and [natalie](http://stylesprimes.tumblr.com/) thanks for helping me for 4 long months!!!! It means the world to me and the fic would not have been completed without you!!  
> And to [nicole](http://outofcases.tumblr.com/), I am so glad we were paired up! Thank you for your hard work in creating art for this fic xx


End file.
